UC'ing with prenatal care through hospital OB's. Need to vent and possible advice.

[southernmommie]

We're military. We have been receiving my prenatal care through the midwife clinic. But after starting medicine for the gestational diabetes they transferred my care back to the hospital with the regular ob's. It's been since then that I told DH that I was NOT going to deliver at the hospital and its too late to transfer my care to the birthing center, although honestly, I wasn't going to deliver there either. So I either continue my prenatal care through the hospital or none at all.
Went to my appt today and the first thing she asks me is if I'm having a vaginal or a c-section. (I've NEVER had a c-section and have no reason other than a "big baby".) Then she precedes to tell me that at the next appt "we'll" be doing the GBS swab. I then say I'm declining that also. And so starts her speil on the preventative caution they are taking and the hassle I "could" go through IF I get a fever during delivery and how the pediatrician COULD (which means is going to) hold the baby for 48 hours and do their pricks to determine health. No matter what I said to prove my decision, she just kept going. I was very stressed by the time I left the room. I have weekly appointments with her and weekly NST's there. So twice a week I'm at that hospital.
I am so peaceful during the week when I'm not there about having the baby here at home with just hubby and I. And of course, right when hubby gets home so I can go to appointment, he tells me his command IS taking him on this next cruise which is during my due date. So baby must come early if hubby is to be here for it. Then I head into that big ordeal at the hospital. Maybe baby got the vibes that he needs to come early....

[smeep]

Would it be worth trying to call the birth center and ask if they'll take on your care, even if you have to "oops" a UC? At least that way you would get better care (I'm assuming it's a freestanding birth center?) that would minimise your stress and you can still UC if you want. Or, would it be possible to request a different OB for your appointments based on the conflict with this one and the serious stress it's causing?

I'm sorry, mama!

[southernmommie]

They won't accept me past 36 weeks and it takes my insurance a week to get my info transferred. So I won't get accepted in time. I did have one of my kids there.

[smeep]

Have you called them and asked them if they can make an exception? Of course, if you really don't want to then you don't have to!

I'm assuming you're 35, 36 weeks now? You could possibly just suddenly have a lot of scheduling conflicts and have to reschedule your OB appointment to give you a little bit longer of a break. Also, are there any specific concerns that makes the NSTs absolutely necessary? As in, could you stop them unless something else comes up or at least push them back to once every two weeks? The less you have to go there the better your stress will be, I'm sure.

How bad is your GD? Is it a major concern to you or just your doctor? If you really feel everything is going well and read up on signs that could mean you need to be seen, you could just stop seeing them altogether, or at least like I said just keep having scheduling conflicts and rescheduling so appointments are more than a week apart.

[southernmommie]

The NST's are only because I'm on glyburide for the GD. My numbers are excellent. No need for all the appointments in my opinion. They are just watching baby's size to make sure he doesn't get too big. My first was 10 lbs without GD laying on my back in the hospital. So they are more intervention orientated than I am. I KNOW I can birth this baby on my own.

[medicinemansgirl]

Sooo.....this is so far from sound medical advice but given what I just came out of and the absolute freedom and relief I feel to finally embrace this pregnancy I think if you have your GD under control and know how to manage it really well I would terminate care. I found it exhausting to come up with excuses at the end of my last twin pregnancy to keep putting the dr's off. There's a freedom that comes with breaking it all off. You owe no one explanations for any of what you do, you have nowhere to be and it's just you and baby. That's where I am in this pregnancy. I feel free. No one breathing over my shoulder telling me how my own body must be handled...or fighting them off as they try to. It's amazingly easy to "accidently" birth at home alone but the stress that comes with knowing they're expecting one thing when you have no plans of following through was too stressful for me..and then always having to deal with them and fight for my own body and what I know is best for baby. I know how much I depend on my dh and him being there every step of the way, but if your dh is gone is there a doula you can contact near you that would just come and sit with you or a sweet sweet friend that could be there? I know I contemplated having my best friend here for this birth just to help with clean up and more support but when it came right down to it I really just wanted it to be dh and I.

There's some really great videos of UC's on youtube. I watch them just to boost and encourage my mind. Perhaps you could start preparing with things like that and just reading tons of positive stories. I met a midwife about a week ago that works in a local hospital and what she said and what they do is appalling. She immediately was so defensive and nasty about homebirths. I didn't even begin to go into UCing. She stated that homebirths were for redneck hillbillies that didn't know any better and that in the hospital they "try" to honor the mother's wishes but "so much of the time these mothers come in with dreamy ideas about birth and it's just not reality so we can't honor it". She also stated that she is not against epidurals and cannot get over all of these women that are. "I mean..why put your body through that and be a martyr about it all when there's modern medicine to help you out??!!"....was part of her diarrhea of the mouth. After I asked her if she just does the prenatal care or she actually delivers she stated that she does the low risk deliveries and then goes into how much of a joke birth plans are and these women that come in with papers of their "plan". It was just so sad to me how runover women are in the hospital environment. She stated that she knew the midwife I had been using and she was in total opposition to her being in the area since she is convincing women to give birth in unsafe places and actually promoting unsafe pregnancies.

It just reinstated in my mind why I don't ever want to have to go back to a hospital again. It was very clear she had no desire to honor anything a mother wanted and if she finally did give in and do it that those moms would probably get no end of grief over their choices along with a fair amount of bad attitude on her part as she "cares" for your labor. Ugh. Just so sad to me.

I would have a really great friend or doula lined up to help and just UC. My dh never did willingly consent to UC the 1st time but when I went into labor we really did just go with it. I just kept telling him I really didn't want to labor in the truck or deliver on the side of a freeway. You can just tell him very honestly that you don't want to labor on your back in the hospital and you'll go when you feel you're getting close. Chances are the more advanced you get the better and more right it feels to be home for everybody.

[southernmommie]

Thank you. I really relate to what you wrote. After reading your post last night and thinking about just not going to my appointments and doing my Hypnobabies... I feel a lot more peaceful about just not going with any of my care through them anymore. I'm not calling them and officially firing them in case I still need them for medicine refills, but I'm not going to the prenatal appointments. And I'm at peace with that. I can handle watching my own pregnancy. But the more I think about going to all those prenatal and nst appointments, the more I feel I'm going to end up with a c-section unncessarily and I've never had that feeling with any of my others through this same hospital. So this is completely situational. Thank you for your words of encouragement!! I enjoy reading them!

[Banana731]

Originally Posted by southernmommie

Thank you. I really relate to what you wrote. After reading your post last night and thinking about just not going to my appointments and doing my Hypnobabies... I feel a lot more peaceful about just not going with any of my care through them anymore. I'm not calling them and officially firing them in case I still need them for medicine refills, but I'm not going to the prenatal appointments. And I'm at peace with that. I can handle watching my own pregnancy. But the more I think about going to all those prenatal and nst appointments, the more I feel I'm going to end up with a c-section unncessarily and I've never had that feeling with any of my others through this same hospital. So this is completely situational. Thank you for your words of encouragement!! I enjoy reading them!

Honestly, they probably won't even notice. And if you do decide to go the hospital, you're just going to get the OB on call anyway. If you still want prenatal care, but no NST, you could just start "forgetting" those.

[luv-my-boys]

Originally Posted by southernmommie

They won't accept me past 36 weeks and it takes my insurance a week to get my info transferred. So I won't get accepted in time. I did have one of my kids there.

Im assuming you have some sort of tricare (standard, remote,prime?) Tricare can approve change of providers literally over the phone when there is an urgency and I would think how far along you are OB maternity care would suffice. I had to do this earlier in my care with several ob's/specialists. The insurance billing person from the new office literally waited on hold for all the auth # and info and I was in the next morning in their office. Since you have used that center before perhaps they would be willing to work with you in getting coverage or extending their cutoff due to your circumstances.

best wishes!

[southernmommie]

Instead of transferring my prenatal care to the birthing center and having to go through their "required" blood work and won't accept previous blood work, I'm just going with the "forgetting" the appointments I have.

[A_Random_Phrase]

Yep. Or call and cancel and say you'll get back to them when you can, to make an appt. (You could word this in an honest way). Then just never call back.

[2lilsweetfoxes]

Originally Posted by A_Random_Phrase 

Yep. Or call and cancel and say you'll get back to them when you can, to make an appt. (You could word this in an honest way). Then just never call back.

:that

If you just "forget", your DH could be called in before his commander to have to explain your actions.

[minkajane]

Originally Posted by 2lilsweetfoxes 

If you just "forget", your DH could be called in before his commander to have to explain your actions.

Very doubtful. There are a lot of "We control your life" myths out there about military life. I was married for most of my enlistment. I had no-show appointments sometimes when I forgot about appointments. If I had missed two scheduled appointments in the same specialty clinic in a row, they MIGHT have sent a memo about it to my commander, who would have chewed me out for wasting resources (ie, appointments that could have been used for someone else), but I never actually saw it happen and I worked in the same office as the commander for three years. If XH had missed several appointments, they would have sent him a letter letting him know that he wouldn't be able to schedule another appointment for the same problem if he missed again. That's it. When it comes to medical stuff, they don't have nearly as much control as people think they do, especially when it comes to dependents.

I've heard of a lot of people who were told their spouse could get in trouble if they had a UC or a homebirth, that military members are required to have hospital births, or that homebirth was not allowed in military housing, all of which are completely false. There are only a few things that are absolutely mandatory for military members - vaccinations (unless you get an exemption in your enlistment contract, which rarely/never happens), treatment/decontamination for chemical attacks, and yearly physicals are the only things I can think of. Beyond those few things, even active duty military has the right to refuse medical treatment. There is NOTHING that is mandatory for dependents, regardless of what the military docs will say. Vaxes, OB appointments, checkups, none of it is mandatory at all for dependents and the military member can not in any way get in trouble for it. Legally, they can't even tell the member's commander anything you've refused, just if you've had repeated no-shows (and they won't even do that for dependents), but they can't say what the appointments were for. It would violate HIPAA, which is still in effect in military environments.

[2lilsweetfoxes]

Originally Posted by minkajane 

Originally Posted by 2lilsweetfoxes 

If you just "forget", your DH could be called in before his commander to have to explain your actions.

Very doubtful. There are a lot of "We control your life" myths out there about military life. I was married for most of my enlistment. I had no-show appointments sometimes when I forgot about appointments. If I had missed two scheduled appointments in the same specialty clinic in a row, they MIGHT have sent a memo about it to my commander, who would have chewed me out for wasting resources (ie, appointments that could have been used for someone else), but I never actually saw it happen and I worked in the same office as the commander for three years. If XH had missed several appointments, they would have sent him a letter letting him know that he wouldn't be able to schedule another appointment for the same problem if he missed again. That's it. When it comes to medical stuff, they don't have nearly as much control as people think they do, especially when it comes to dependents.

I've heard of a lot of people who were told their spouse could get in trouble if they had a UC or a homebirth, that military members are required to have hospital births, or that homebirth was not allowed in military housing, all of which are completely false. There are only a few things that are absolutely mandatory for military members - vaccinations (unless you get an exemption in your enlistment contract, which rarely/never happens), treatment/decontamination for chemical attacks, and yearly physicals are the only things I can think of. Beyond those few things, even active duty military has the right to refuse medical treatment. There is NOTHING that is mandatory for dependents, regardless of what the military docs will say. Vaxes, OB appointments, checkups, none of it is mandatory at all for dependents and the military member can not in any way get in trouble for it. Legally, they can't even tell the member's commander anything you've refused, just if you've had repeated no-shows (and they won't even do that for dependents), but they can't say what the appointments were for. It would violate HIPAA, which is still in effect in military environments.

I must have been thinking about the "good old days".  I missed an orthodontist appointment once:  double booked that and a babysitting job at the same time--and completely spaced on the ortho (didn't write it down in my calendar).  I got reamed the next day after dad told me he had to spend time in his boss's office.  But, yeah, I've missed taking my kids into the doc for something or the other (usually my unit having some waste-of-my-time-bs to do and I can't get out of it and I didn't leave DH the car because I didn't know about the stuff ahead of time.) or I miss appointments because of last-minute crapola.  Never heard a word.

When I was pregnant with DD2 I did the centering program at the post hospital.  Basically a combo of doing own prenatal care, with a group of women who have the same due month or two, with midwife oversight.  If I got pregnant again (doubtful), I'd do it again.  Since I have a history of fast labors (45 minutes active--from walking and joking around--just some mild contractions at regular intervals to babe in arms-- with last one), it will be easy to have an "oops UC".  I'm comfortable with that--except, how do I get put on maternity leave?  If I go to the hospital right away--or the next morning--would they attempt to keep the baby?  (Probably how "they" scare AD moms into delivering at the hospital.)  DH, though, said next hypothetical baby--we go to the hospital when I mention the first contraction.  (We live 5 minutes away from the hospital-literally).  I know.  I'll just show up at formation the next morning, with the babe and tell Top I'm going to sick call, see you in two months.  :grin

[minkajane]

Originally Posted by 2lilsweetfoxes 
 I'm comfortable with that--except, how do I get put on maternity leave?  If I go to the hospital right away--or the next morning--would they attempt to keep the baby?  (Probably how "they" scare AD moms into delivering at the hospital.) 

Definitely a valid concern on that one. I was planning a UC with DS when I was active duty (didn't work out that way) and my plan was to call and let my supervisor know I'd had the baby so they knew I wouldn't be in work and a couple of days later going in ALONE for a checkup and getting the paperwork signed then. They can't keep the baby if he's not there and they'll be able to see that I had the baby. It usually takes a couple of days to get the medical leave paperwork in anyway, so as long as your supervisor knows where you are, you're all set. I ran the leave program for two units over six years, so I saw things like that all the time, it always took a while for the paperwork to make its way over to my office.