Should I *make* him put it back?

[famousmockngbrd]

OK, this is a pretty minor problem, but I would like your input, mamas.

Cole is in a Musikgarten class on Monday mornings. He is the youngest kid in there at almost 17 months - I think the second youngest is 22 months. They do this thing where they hand out musical intruments - shakers, sticks, drums, etc. - to each of the kids, we do a song with them, then the teacher walks around with a box when it's over and all the kids put their instruments back in the box. Everyone, that is, except Cole. He never wants to put his back. He says "no" and clutches it to his chest. Usually what happens is in a few minutes, I can either take it from him with no protest and put it back myself, or we walk over to the box and he drops it in himself. But he will never do it when the other kids do.

So, my problem is that the teacher clearly does not approve of this practice. : She keeps telling Cole, "See, all the other kids are putting theirs back," and things of that nature. She kind of sighs when he won't do it. I think she thinks it isn't right for Cole to keep his instrument when everyone else has to put theirs away. Plus I don't want to start an uprising where the other kids start to think they don't have to put theirs away, either and it becomes total anarchy.

So what should I do? Should I take the shaker or whatever away from him when she passes the box? Or should I just let him give it up in his own time? Does he need to learn that he has to follow directions? Or is he still too young and it will come in time?

Thanks for your input -

[Britishmum]

At our Music together classes the teachers are always quite clear that it's fine for children to keep instruments and not to force them to put them back. Both dds went through this phase, and they later start to like the tidying part and start to boss the others around and to clear up like maniacs! The older children are always doing that in our classes.

I'd speak to the teacher. She is asking your son to do something very inappropriate develpmentally.

Interestingly, a few mums in our MT class kept insisting that their children put back instruments, as it was their own 'rule'. Their children took much longer to do it happily than those who were just allowed to continue wiht an item until they lost interest. One mum is still battling her three year old now, which drives me nuts every class. :

What is the big deal anyway if a child is playing bells thruogh a song where the others are playing triangles? I don't get it.

[lilyka]

Wow at 17 onths I htink keeping would make less of a disturbance thatn forcing the issue. On the other handI can kinda see the teachers concerns (the whole loosing control of the class and everything. ) Is there a class with younger children he could be with? this class doesn't really sound geared towards his age. Another thing you might want to try is to have something to trade him with. Egg shakers are cheap and quiet. Maybe if you kept on in your purse you could offer "would you like to play with this instrument now?" and trade him for the one that needs to get put away. I don't know if thatwould solve the teachers problems but hey those are her problems not yours :LOL But yeah my dd is 15 1/2 months and I can't see her giving a cool instrument she has in her clutches and she is very non verbal so trying to convince her to do anything is a waste of time and breath. pulling it out of her hands would bring on a full on tantrum. What can ya do?

[georgia]

So, I guess the real problem would be figuring out who owns the problem. IMO, the problem belongs to the teacher. Sounds like you're doing a great job with a 17 mo old...it really does sound like an age thing. It also seems the teacher doesn't understand age appropriate behavior. If she continues to send these messages that don't meet your needs or your ds's....I would definitely talk with her. Afterall, this is supposed to be fun--and you are paying for this! Doing something b/c the teacher says so just smacks of silliness to me! He has lots of time to figure out *why* we do things...and b/c the one in power says so just isn't *my* cup of tea

[LunaMom]

I agree that insisiting that a child put the instrument back is inappropriate. As long as he isn't taking it home, what's the big deal? :

Our Music Together teacher always let kids hang onto things if they wanted to. She seemed upset by the parents who pulled the things out of their toddlers' hands, causing them to cry - I was upset by it, too!

Try asking the teacher why this is necessary. Bet she won't have an answer.

[Piglet68]

Just wanted to add my comments to everyone else's. It's not developmentally appropriate to expect a 17 month old to "put it back". I think you need to talk to the teacher about it. What harm does it do if you just wait a bit and take it when he's happy to part with it?

The biggest problem for me is that it woudl require forcibly removing it from his hands, and I don't want to teach my DD that it's okay to grab things from someone else like that.

[famousmockngbrd]

Thanks for the input - I agree with everything that has been said. The class is almost over (3 weeks left) so I probably won't talk to her about it, we'll just keep not putting the instruments back and not make a big deal about it. He's not taking the class next semester.

An interesting thing about it is that at the beginning of the session, she was very patient and didn't press the issue at all. Now, however, it's like she thhinks Cole should have figured it out by now and she's kind of irritated by it.