I've got a 9 1/2 year old, so I figure that's withing shouting distance.
Originally Posted by mumm
How/what does he eat?
He eats OK. I cook foods that I know our family will eat. Dh has some major sensory issues and basically eats meat, cheese and carbs. We have relatively few 'mixed' foods such as casseroles, and if I cooked a stir-fry, I'd be the only one eating it.
So, with that, he does eat fairly well. However, I have no idea how he lives on the amount he eats. I think that Nutella is what keeps body and soul together.
A typical day's eating would be:
Breakfast: Cereal with milk
Lunch: 1/2 a sandwich (of which he eats, maybe 1/2), an apple, yogurt
Afterschool snack: 2 T of Nutella
Dinner: rice curry with peas and carrots.
Bedtime snack: cereal bar or ice cream
So, he probably doesn't get enough veggies, but I'm just happy he gets some, as dh doesn't.
Meal times are pleasant. He'll eat whatever he eats and then he leaves the table with his plate and put it in the sink. Some days, it's not much.
Where/how/when does he sleep?
In his own room 90% of the time. This is a big change from a year ago when he started in his own room and ended up in ours 99% of the time. (Now it's dd who's in our room 99% of the time.)
He goes to bed at 9:30, is usually asleep at 10. Wakes up at 7:15 with an alarm on school days, 7:45 on weekends (no alarm). We're trying to train him to not come into our room at 7:45 am on Saturday and ask "Can I play Wii?"
Not so personal. He'll now brush his teeth without being prompted, but he won't bathe without being prompted and he still can't/won't wash his own hair. He's got some sensory issues and so he won't take showers. So, dh or I still wash his hair. I'm hoping to get him to do it for himself soon.
He changes into clean clothes daily and usually remembers to change his socks.
He's a pretty easy kid to get along with and has a few friends in the neighborhood. There aren't any boys his age, and the girls near his age seem to be growing away from him. He does fine at school, but doesn't have any close friends there either, it seems. So, he's a bit lonely sometimes, I think.
More computer and wii than I like to admit, probably an hour or more a day. We don't do many movies because he's too sensitive to sound, and until recently, too sensitive to plot. I didn't need him coming in because he was anxious very night. No violent video games or websites. Mostly on the computer he follows baseball games on ESPN's gamecast. He's very into baseball and would watch a whole game every day if we let him.
Doing just fine. He doesn't like to be challenged, but will rise to it if the teachers assign it. He hates it when I give him 'extra' stuff, so I don't.
he did baseball in the spring and is dong soccer in the fall. He likes them. He's not the best kid on the team, but not the worst. He's kind of quiet, so he doesn't always get noticed, but he plays hard and seems to enjoy himself.
The school has an afterschool program that he's doing 2x a week (fun classes) and he enjoys that.
Is he happy? Are you happy with him?
Generally, yes. He's a sweet kid and several people have spontaneously told me that recently. (One parent at school said her daughter said, "You know mom, T is just really nice."
) It warms my heart.
He's not very demonstrative and he won't come out and say if something is bothering him. So, I have to make sure that I spend enough time with him. His 'love languages' are spending time with us and acts of service. So I make sure that I do both.
I've noticed he's getting a little moodier these days, and has less patience for his little sister.
Self care. Independence. I feel like I'm still doing many things for him that other kids his age could easily do for themselves. He also doesn't like to be challenged in school work, though he's got the brain power to be able to. So finding the balance between pushing hard enough but not too hard.
Friends. Ds is an introvert and doesn't have the world's greatest social skills. He doesn't make friends easily (though he gets along with almost everyone). I worry that he doesn't have a good friend.
Originally Posted by mumm
Well I'm glad to hear that some folks do enjoy their 10 year olds. But it makes me feel worse about what is going on in our house. I don't really like him.
Sorry to hear that things aren't going well. I wonder if his anxiety is at a spot where he needs some help? The not being able to go to sleep in his own room is a pretty big red flag for me. That's how my kids are when they're feeling very anxious.
I also wonder if there's something more going on with the food. It's NOT typical to go hungry so much that you faint and are losing weight. Clearly, waiting until he gets hungry enough isn't working! The kids I know who have this pattern are either kids with sensory processing issues (and so really have a hard time with the texture/taste of certain foods), or who have blood sugar issues and so it is actually painful to eat if they get too hungry.
Are there things that you know he will eat? Can you just feed him those for awhile until you get some of these other behaviors figured out?
I wonder how much of his difficulty is due to: lack of sleep and hunger. Some of us really don't do well when we're hungry. And if I'm hungry and tired, watch out! I'm 44 and I know this, and I STILL blow up when I'm hungry and tired. I know that when our ds is hungry and tired, he's much much more difficult to deal with (and he's a pretty easy kid, really. I'd never ask him to do chores before dinner, for example, because of this. We do our chores after dinner.)
I think some of the behaviors you describe are typical -- our son is also never at fault, and getting him to apologize is like pulling teeth. Even getting him to help someone feel better when he didn't cause it on purpose is torture!
A good book that I like that you might find helpful is:The challenging child
. I like it because it talks about the importance of connection before anything, but then gives concrete strategies for problem solving with your son, and clear consequences for behaviors after that. Some kids need that.