well i see i have some similar issues with my almost 10 year old "DD" so i will answer your questions and also answer for my friends' almost10 year old son who is like a sibling to dd.
Originally Posted by mumm
Well I'm glad to hear that some folks do enjoy their 10 year olds. But it makes me feel worse about what is going on in our house. I don't really like him.
He is unable to fall asleep alone or sleep in a room alone,
both dd and her friend are unable to fall asleep alone. dd still cant sleep alone. most nights her friend sleeps alone but many nights he spends in his parents bed. in fact many of 4th grade spent a lot of time periodically in their parents bed.
but When he starts in my room he gets angry when I don't come to bed soon enough for him.
same with dd. if i dont go to bed when she does she stays awake till i get there. she is not angry as in throwing things but she does get upset when i am not there at bedtime.
He is *NEVER* at fault.
ditto here with both the kids. i think this is more about a growing up and trying to cope mechanism. so much is expected out fo them - esp. 4th grade. and yes she has expected our lives to be on hold to get her, her way but i think its that last childhood threshold of 'me and I' mentality. i have also found its really really upsetting to openly say its her fault. we lead up to it, and leave it there. she finds it a v. humiliating experience. she'd rather take care of the issue than accept blame (she knows she's at fault but hates owning up to it. she'd rather do the consequences)
He would rather go hungry than eat something 'gross.'
dd's friend is VERY picky eater. his parents only give him what he will eat. they can only get him to eat one little peice of lettuce. that's all the greens he;ll eat. dd just like her father will faint than eat anything gross. same as ur son she'd go hungry than eat. HOWEVER she is a great eater, so usually there is always some option in the fridge that she can eat, even if it means she'll just go and fry herself some eggs.
He will come home from school and be off with neighborhood kids playing happily for two hours (he has complete freedom to roam our neighborhood until 6pm) and then the minute he comes home he falls apart and can't cope with anything. Set the table? Start homework alone? Grab the milk to put on the table? Fold a napkin? All of those things seem like torture to him. I feel like he is going to be moving away from us in the next few years and yet most of the time we spend together now is fighting. Over things like brushing teeth, or picking up laundry.
I don't know how to change this!
to me this is very normal. yes chores are becoming more difficult so i find chores that dd will like. so she would much rather prepare dinner than put the laundry away. esp. after a playdate its REALLY hard for dd to get her to do ANYTHING. so there are times i dont even give her chores to do. however i have found options really help her - giving her some control over it. like i'd like you to finish putting away your clothes before dinnertime. 90% of the time she does do her chores.
however i feel her refusing is part of growing up. there are certain chores she is more willing to do than anything else. there are days i lay down my foot. no going out to play untill you put your clothes away.