Weaning Stress!!! please help..MIL involved

[lilacblue]

I didn't realize how intense the weaning process would be and to add extra stress I am finding out the MIL thinks:

a) I should have been working a while ago,

b) she disapproves of the fact I have breastfed beyond a year "

c) is upset that she has not had a sleepover with the child because of the breastfeeding (she is not concerned about visits because she is waiting for the sleepover...she had cousin sleeping at her house at 2 months!) A bit of a control freak.....

d) just in general thinks I should not be at home BFing so she can babysit....or whatever. Says stuff like I just don't know where you find the time to breastfeed " ...I am a SAHM!!.....

husband is flipflopping....wants me to breastfeed, loves how well I have brought up the child, but wants me to to work (he and MIL think I just don't want to work)......and he wants his mom to have relationship with DD like with cousins.....

My family does not live here and I feel very much alone in this situation.
Torn because I am trying to ease her into this and hate the judgment that I am doing something wrong by continuing to breastfeed her. I love MIL and that's why her opinion bothers me so much.

This is my first child and I feel an unbalance in my support system. I feel like they are looking down on me, as if I am purposely keeping her to myself, using it as an excuse not to work...etcetc.....even when i try to explain my intentions.

I tried to wean her several times so far and it was horrible! She is dramatic anyways and this was just crazy....banging her head into my chest and sobbing/yelling....choking on her sobbing......with no end in site no matter how long I tried to soothe her....She is a cosleeper, never bottlefed and has never slept without me which adds to the problem. I need help since we have an event in 2 months and which I will need to leave her at MIL house for the night (added angst!) so I need to figure this out between now and then.

Please give me suggestions/tricks...anything to help wean her.

We are currently at about 2-4 feedings...(morning, nap and nightime)..the nightime is the one I am most concerned about. Don't know how to transition her to sleep without nursing......I have been trying to cut out the morning which is working half the time, and trying to shorten the feedings...which again works half the time......tried bath and reading at bedtime

*sigh

[Bokonon]

Regardless of how you feel about your mother-in-law, her opinion in this matter is completely and utterly moot. This is YOUR baby. YOU are the mother. You decide what's best for your baby, not the baby's grandmother.

It sounds to me like some boundaries need to be set. If MIL is already trying to manipulate you with regards to the baby, it will only get worse as time goes on.

[PatioGardener]

Originally Posted by Bokonon

Regardless of how you feel about your mother-in-law, her opinion in this matter is completely and utterly moot. This is YOUR baby. YOU are the mother. You decide what's best for your baby, not the baby's grandmother.

It sounds to me like some boundaries need to be set. If MIL is already trying to manipulate you with regards to the baby, it will only get worse as time goes on.

Do you want to wean? Why not keep nursing? It is so good for your health, and for baby's health, emotional well-being and cognitive development. Do not wean if you aren't ready!

[Parker'smommy]

How old is baby?

You don't HAVE to wean so that MIL can watch babe for you in 2 months. My parents watched my babes and even had overnights with my not weaned children. BUT...my parents were very supportive of MY choices and respectful of my parenting. My mom and dad even co-slept with my children when they spent the night. My parents had an established relationship where my children trusted them and were comforted by them. I didn't have to wean them from the breast for their involvement in their lives. The two are not mutally exclusive.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

The only 2 people who matter in this is you and your baby. Everyone else is welcome to their opinions but they are also welcome to keep them to themselves

Seriously when the child is ready to wean it is sooooo much easier to do it. For me it only took a week for both mine to be done. Both where 32months old at the time and where only nursing a few times a day. They had been night weaned since about 2years old.

Trying to wean when you or the LO isnt ready is just asking for all kinds of stress that you can totally avoid by waiting till they are ready. Now I know there are cases where you need to wean for one reason or another because I had to wean for me I just couldnt do it any more.

Good luck to you and remember this is your decision not anyone elses.

[maddymama]

Hi Mama,
I agree with pps, this is YOUR relationship with your LO... not anyone else's. If you still want to nurse and your LO still wants to nurse, then by all means, please continue nursing. It doesn't matter what your MIL or anyone else thinks.
As far as nighttime nursing.... I nursed DD1 to sleep every night for over two years. Then one night she didn't want to nurse, she just wanted to cuddle and sleep. We flipflopped for a few nights, and then the bedtime nursing was overwith. Our naptime nursing was the hardest one to loose, bc we both needed it to calm down during the day......
Good luck, and do what you think is right,
~maddymama

[annettemarie]

Moving to Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy.

And I agree that your MIL had her chance to make decisions for her children. These are your children.

[lifeguard]

I have to agree with pp's that you don't need to wean to leave dc for the night. How does she do without you during the day? How is she alone with dh or mil? Ds still bf's a fair bit but if I'm not there it's not an issue at all. I've left him for a couple of weekends & even for 2 weeks this summer & he's still going strong with the bfing.

I'd speak to dh too about tempering mil. He should be stepping in & saying "mom - this is how WE are doing it & are happy with that". If he has other issues they should be discussed alone with you & NOT in front of mil.

[Tjej]

You don't have to wean for your child to do an overnight at your ILs. You also don't have to have your child sleep over at your MILs in order for them to have a special relationship.

It's hard but just remember YOU ARE THE MOM. Remember when you were a kid and mom's word was law? Well, now you are MOM. You get to decide how things go with your baby. Your MIL had her turn. Not her choice now. Don't let her guilt you.

You will not be able to please everyone anyway, so if you do end up making her happy you will wind up having to stand up for yourself some other time anyway. Might as well do it now.

Practice having your DH put your child down. If you are out of the house your child can learn to go down without nursing. Also, have your child spend time with your MIL and at your MILs house before the overnight, so your child is more comfortable there.

Tjej

[lilacblue]

thanks for the responses! I feel better now.

DD is only 19 months old...(but looks like she is over 2!) and I fluctuate between being ready for her to wean and then not being ready...mostly I am not ready for her to wean because it wrecks her so....

I am going to enlist DH to help with bedtime. And I am listening to you all and am going to be a bit more confident in what I believe should happen in this situation.....just feels hard at times when I don't really have my support system out here.

I am still open to any weaning methods or tricks!!

[D_McG]

The key to weaning, IME is confidence in your decision. I don't personally believe in CLW and neither of my kids wanted to stop nursing. But I was ready so I knew it was in their best interest.

Keeping calm, deliberate, not wavering from the weaning plan. Those were all important for us. But confidence was #1. Just knowing I was doing the right thing brought us 80% of the way. The other 20% was just them getting used to it (so, time).

I don't really understand why your MIL is involved though. Mine had no idea when I weaned. And she wouldn't have dared to offer her opinion!

[Super~Single~Mama]

It's tough having only in-laws around - I would know!! It's also tough being a ftm, and not being super sure of yourself - I've also been there.

Weaning is not required for an overnight away - my ds spends eow at his dads house, and we nurse when we are together. I also am a full time student - and we still nurse even though he is night-weaned.

If your DH wants you to work, then you need to work that out with him - its hard being the sole breadwinner so SAH isn't just something you get to decide on. BUT - that conversation SHOULD NOT under ANY circumstances involve you MIL. my ex included his mother in everything we did, and it was a major factor in our breaking up (but not the only one - it was very complicated).

Anyway, good luck!!