Not exactly shower related, but since none of my family is close enough to be throwing a shower...
Is it rude to tell them, in polite but no uncertain terms, that we do not need clothing? That we, in fact, have clothing coming out our ears, and I already have given half the hand-me-downs we've received away and still have enough for surprise triplets?
After the birth last time, we got a deluge of baby clothing. That was a different situation, since we didn't know the sex before the birth, so no one could send us gendered stuff before the birth. And in that case, we didn't have quite so many hand-me-downs, and were a bit worried about what we'd manage for clothing. I'm not assuming people will go quite so crazy this time. I'm just a little afraid of it.
I think one of the things I like least about being poor is that it's assumed that, if we're doing something frugal, it's out of need. I started making a bunch of preemie prefolds out of old t-shirts yesterday, as that's the only thing we truly *need* at this point, and it seemed much more sensible to recycle and take the chance to make something neat and pretty for the baby that falls within my limited sewing skills than to spend $50 on stuff that we're going to use for 2 months max. And a friend immediately offered to ship me her cloth diaper stash that she's done with. Which I can't complain about, and it's very generous, and I haven't turned her down (though I've made it clear that we don't actually need it and a lot of it will likely end up redistributed to other friends). And, realistically, if we weren't pressed for money I probably would have ordered the dipes a month ago. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm primarily doing it for the joy of it.
And I think I'm feeling a little sensitive about this today, because my mom bought DD1 shoes for her birthday. She asked what DD wanted, and I said slippers, because it's something she wants. I guess my mom interpreted this as not being able to buy her shoes ourselves. Truth is, DD has so many shoes that at least half of them are put away because they're just too much of a mess, and the last thing she needs is another pair. She just doesn't have slippers, and it was something that was just then becoming an apparent need with the seasons changing at the time she asked, so I mentioned it as a possibility. And I haven't bought slippers in the meantime primarily because I'd already mentioned it to my mom. It's possible that I'm reading too much into this, except she's done this a lot frequently - asking what we need, and then acting like we're horribly neglectful people if we actually say something.
Maybe it's my fault for being practical when asking for presents, rather than asking for toys. Or for assuming that asking what we want/need is an actual request for information, rather than a cue to say "Oh, whatever you want."
I'm a bit bugged because I feel like we always end up having what we NEED for the baby, and I feel so incredibly blessed for that, and for the generosity of friends and strangers who really aren't in the position to give us anything beyond hand-me-downs, but what they do give is totally beyond generous because they could have just sold it. Which makes me feel like a horribly ungrateful person because I know no one is likely to actually look at our registry and buy us the fun stuff that we're never going to get around to justifying buying for ourselves. If I've had fun stuff (nice carriers, things like that) with the other kids, it's either hand-me-downs or something I made myself. And I feel especially ungrateful whining about it in a thread where there are people who *are* worried about clothing and such.
So, anyways, rude to say "Don't get us clothing"? Rude to include a link to the registry in doing so?