My very hard heart got softened to let Jesus in.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2xy 
Really?
I know a lot of atheists too, and none of them "decided" to be atheists. Did you decide to believe in Jesus? Saying it is a decision implies that you could just as easily choose not to believe. Is that true?
Try as I might, I've never managed to believe in the supernatural. Sometimes life would be more comfortable if I had those beliefs.
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In a nutshell, we are all born unbelievers. It's in our genes. What happened to me, looking back, was that my heart got so hard towards God, who I didn't even know if he existed.
Our heart gets trampled on by life in general and we can get hard as a rock. Through my environment, what I was going through, at age 32 my heart had become very soft. I wanted something real What that meant I wasn't sure. I was tired of trying to be something on the outside to everybody else, but inwardly I was so empty. To me, everything was so vain.
Raised in an atheistic home with parents willing to let me explore different religions with my friends, but was atheist/agnostic, if there is such a category, for first 25 years of life. Then, from age 25-32 I searched the major religions and settled on Buddhism with meditation practices. I really could not stand Christians talking about the Lord or anything Christian related. I had tried at various times very hard, I thought, to believe in Jesus like most of my relatives. I became angry that Jesus never spoke to me or appeared to me and I gave up and decided Jesus wasn't real and my relatives were crazy for saying that Jesus spoke to them.
Like I said, my hardened heart just got soft and I was done with life in general. It's kind of like I 'threw in the towel'. I wasn't going to kill myself, but the thought did cross my mind that I'd rather not be 'here' anymore. Everything I tried, my accomplishments, the things I did to entertain myself, all of it kind of dried up. Nothing could satisfy me. I would try this or that and maybe like it, but not for long.
Then, the craziest thing happened. My heart was broken because life stinks much of the time. Buddhism wasn't doing much for me and what's the purpose of my life anyway. So, much vanity and evil all around...blah blah blah
Then, I, this unbelieving Jesus denying, Jesus despising woman, went with my friend to a Christian gathering and I found out Jesus can get inside of me by asking Him in, which exactly what happened. Dynamic salvation, in an instant I was a believer. Jesus found a soft spot in my heart and got in that night. It was literally like a light bulb turning on in my inner being. Jesus was real. BTW, I still give Jesus all the credit for hardening my heart, then softening it and then coming in to me.
Even if you doubt Jesus is God or if you are angry or just plain done with it all, you can ask God to fill you up. This is what I did.