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Should I call CPS? WWYD??

post #1 of 54
Thread Starter 
I am just wondering if what I am about to tell you warrants a call to CPS, or if I am just overreacting and need to mind my own business.

One of my sisters is a loser, to put it nicely. She has 3 kids--has no idea where 2 of them are (they are adults now) because she gave them up to their druggie father years ago (when they were still young children!). Yes, my family let this happen (I was a child myself), and as time passes, and I get older, I see my family just lets these awful things happen.

That same sister had another child (she planned it too!), and she is now 15. Needless to say, she doesn't have a relationship with her mother. They hate eachother. My sister conveniently lives next to our father, so my 15 yo. niece is ALWAYS over there, sleeps there, eats there, my dad would take her EVERYWHERE, even if my sister was home. My sister will actually call my father and have HIM bring her daughter places!! It's sickening! Oh, and my sister is an alcoholic, too.

So, my 15 yo niece is allowed to hitch rides with friends and walk miles to the next town (my sister let her walk BAREFOOT to the next town that was 5 or so miles away--with NO sidewalks and no shoulders on the roads). She is NEVER home. My sister often has no idea where she is, and doesn't care.

CPS was at my sister's house once years ago. I don't remember much, just that someone at school had called--not sure what happened as I was much younger and don't remember much if it. obviously, nothing came of it though.

So, now my 15 yo niece has her boyfriend (who is 17) living with my father. This boyfriend decided not to go with his mother who was moving. So, she let him stay. This kid is supposed to pay my dad weekly, but "couldn't" last week, due to not having work (he supposedly works construction). My niece sleeps there sometmes! My sister doesn't care. My dad NEVER would have allowed this with me or my other sisters--I think it may have something to do with my mother dying last year. he has changed SO MUCH. He admits he is lonely.

This boyfriend is a high school drop-out with NO PLAN. They origianlly say he was staying for a month or so-now its MARCH? I don't think so. My dad gets very defensive when I bring it up. I know he is a grown man and can make his own decisions, but I know he is being taken advantage of.

My sister doesn't even care that her daughter's BF lives with our father. Though the 15 yo does sleep at home much of the time during the school week, she also sleeps at my dad's. This means she is sleeping with the boy (who will be 18 soon, I guess).

Do I have a reaosn to call CPS? The neglect on my sister's part? My dad allowing them to live there? What would I say? Or do I need to mind my own business as I am so often told my my dad, and 15 yo niece. Part of me is afraid to cause problems with the family, so I am hesitant to call.

post #2 of 54
I'm confused.. what would you be calling CPS about? The 15yo spending the night with her boyfriend? The 17yo living with someone other than his parent? Obviously this is not your ideal situation, but I don't think you have any grounds to call CPS.
post #3 of 54
I don't think it warrants calling CPS.

In some states a 15 year old can get married w/a parent's signature.
post #4 of 54
if you call, they will just tell you to mind your own business. once they are 15 cps mostly doesnt care. at least that has been my experience. i have a neice who did something real stupid just like this. i called just to get info on how i could help her. they said they wouldnt do anything. it might depend on the age of consent there, but you should mind your own business. or if you want to help, do so constructively.
post #5 of 54
I'm not sure what CPS "could do for you" in this situation. What are you trying to accomplish?

Obviously this is a terrible situation but she is getting older and may have her mind made up about certain things. She may be on a path that you don't agree with, but I'm not sure someone on the outside to parent her like that would change her. If you feel she is crying for help, can you help?

I'm just saying that if she were a 2-year-old, I may have a different answer. I do get that a 15-year-old isn't an adult, but no one seems to be telling her no or she isn't listening.

I don't know what CPS would do other than remove her and I don't know how that would help. I"m sure more people who've dealt with CPS could be of more help.
post #6 of 54
If you think they are taking unfair advantage of your Dad and he is a senior you can report that BUT they will ask him and if he says its okay and there is no signs of abuse, Im afraid your stuck.
post #7 of 54
I wouldn't. Not ideal, but there is no abuse or true neglect (she is fed, clothed and has a home, right?). Nobody likes a visit from CPS and since I think nothing will happen/change as a result, you are risking further alienation.

eta: Just make sure that the girl knows you will be there for her if she needs someone.
post #8 of 54
The first preference with a good CPS dept., if a child absolutely must be removed, is to place them with a close family member. That's already kind of what's happened here -- niece's grandfather is right next door, looking out for her, and sheltering her when necessary. She does not sound like she is in immediate danger of abuse or neglect, because he is there to keep an eye out for her.

Is your goal to protect your minor niece? Because that is CPS' ONLY function in intervening -- they are not there to protect your father or to punish your sister for being an alcoholic or an unengaged parent. But it sounds to me like she is already being protected, even if the situation is not ideal for everyone involved. CPS is also not there to stop teenagers from having sex with their boyfriends, or from hitch-hiking.
post #9 of 54
Thread Starter 
Thanks for your replies. This is exactly why I posted here, to get unbiased advice as I am not sure what to do, if anything.

You all gave me a lot to think about.
post #10 of 54
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by jeminijad View Post
I don't think it warrants calling CPS.

In some states a 15 year old can get married w/a parent's signature.
We live in CT. Under 16 is statutory rape.
post #11 of 54
I'm usually fairly quick to say "call CPS". But I agree that there doesn't seem to be much to call CPS about. A 15 year old sleeping with her 17 year old boyfriend is old news.

What I would do is sit down with my niece if at all possible and make sure she's well informed about birth control and STDs. Take her to Planned Parenthood if you can.

You might also find out what the age of consent is in your state. When the boy turns 18, it's theoretically possible that he could be charged with statutory rape for having sex with a 15 year old. But I don't think that is reason to call CPS. It's a reason to have a word with both kids about the importance of safe sex.

I'm afraid this is mostly a case of MYOB, but make sure your niece knows how to stay safe.
post #12 of 54
If you did call, I'd ask for supports like counselling if she needed it, a mentor, etc. but I don't know if I see an urgent 'need' to call...
post #13 of 54
I wouldn't call. You have absolutely no proof that they are sleeping together (although it sounds like it, but still you don't know). This isn't your child, this isn't your choice. If your dad has a problem with it, it's his call.

Your sister may not be the parent you want her to be, but she's still the parent here.
post #14 of 54
I wouldn't call, but I *WOULD* call around and see if you can find her some additional support resources. Does her school have a program for "at-risk" kids? Being somewhat transient in housing, she might qualify there, but they might not realize she's transient-ish because it's likely her official mailing address hasn't changed. Planned Parenthood is a good idea if she's sexually active.
post #15 of 54
It might be best to focus your efforts on a discussion with your niece about birth control, and help her get whatever she'd prefer to use
post #16 of 54
Originally Posted by shells_n_cheese View Post
We live in CT. Under 16 is statutory rape.
Do you believe HE is so abusive and dangerous for her that you would want him to go to prison for rape and be a registered sex offender for the rest of his life.
post #17 of 54
Originally Posted by PoppyMama View Post
Do you believe HE is so abusive and dangerous for her that you would want him to go to prison for rape and be a registered sex offender for the rest of his life.

I hope that was a statement of fact, instead of an "aha moment". I abhor seeing kids lives get ruined over stupid applications of statutory rape laws (which is not to say that all applications of such laws are invalid...)
post #18 of 54
Originally Posted by shells_n_cheese View Post
We live in CT. Under 16 is statutory rape.

But only if the other partner is ALSO two years older. BF is just under the age limit.


§ 53a-70 (a)(2)

§ 53a-71 (a)(1)

"Second-degree sexual assault to have sexual intercourse with a person between ages 13 and 16 if the actor is more than two years older"
post #19 of 54
Thread Starter 
Okay, calm down. I do not plan on, and never have planned on, calling in statutory rape. I was simply replying to a poster's statement. I don't even know if they are having sex.
post #20 of 54
Seriously, calling this statutory rape is ridiculous - your ruining a kids life cause' he wants to have sex with his gf. I *hate* statutory rape laws for this reason. I'd say its safe to say that most of us had sex before we were 18. Quite a few before we were 16, or had a boyfriend who was 18+ - and it *was* consentual. To call it anything but is a disgrace to the rape laws and utterly humiliatingly wrong on the 'rapists' part - because then they are labeled as "sex offenders" for the *REST OF THEIR LIVES* - that is to say, their lives are *EFFECTIVELY RUINED* - over sex with gf/bf. Who freaking cares.
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