Should I call CPS? WWYD?? - Page 3

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy

I can't call CPS....they would just end up in some nasty group home somewhere;how would that help them?

My thoughts exactly. I think she'd be exposed to more awful stuff in a group home than she's getting exposed to right now.

Also, though the situation doesn't sound that great, I can't imagine thinking in terms of "letting" or "not letting" my 15yo walk someplace barefoot.

Gosh I just think that by that age they'll know whether they want to wear shoes!

[mamazee]

I'm not that up on statutory rape laws, but I thought that if the kids were within like 3 years age it wasn't considered statutory rape? I guess that must not be the case everywhere? I don't honestly even know the law here as this isn't an issue I've had to deal with. Anyway, that doesn't meet my personal belief of what statutory rape is. I'd hate to see some 17-year-old's life ruined over a consensual relationship with a girl so close to his age. And I agree there are troubling things going on, but not CPS worthy.

[Mackenzie]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom

If you call CPS they can start the ball rolling on getting the boy under statutory rape laws in a few months. I think the situation is sad and angering, but no not CPS worthy.


http://www.infoline.org/InformationL...0Rape%20fj.asp
Charges may be filed by:

the victim
the victim’s parents or guardians
the State’s Attorney
Even if the victim or the victim’s parents refuse to cooperate, the State’s Attorney can still file criminal charges against the other person. Also, the victim’s parents may file charges even if the victim does not want to file charges.

Why on Earth would she want to do that? It certainly does not sound like the BF is coercing anything or having any major negative effect. Yet, it seems that you are advocating for essentially DESTROYING his life.

Not to mention it may not even accomplish anything, if PP was correct about the age span being a factor...

[Marsupialmom]

Originally Posted by eclipse

Why would anyone actually do that?

People get their panties in a wad about many things. Teen sex is one of them It is why we need reform in state rape laws, teen sex, sex offender laws, and technology.

[phathui5]

While it all sounds frustrating, I'm not seeing something that CPS would be able to help you with.

[Mackenzie]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom

People get their panties in a wad about many things. Teen sex is one of them It is why we need reform in state rape laws, teen sex, sex offender laws, and technology.

IN-freaking-DEED...

[Marsupialmom]

Originally Posted by Mackenzie

Why on Earth would she want to do that? It certainly does not sound like the BF is coercing anything or having any major negative effect. Yet, it seems that you are advocating for essentially DESTROYING his life.

Not to mention it may not even accomplish anything, if PP was correct about the age span being a factor...

I think I am being misunderstood. If OP did call CPS she could inadvertently have someone form CPS call the state's attorney. There for starting the ball on someone else doing something about the relationship, that shouldn't be an issue at all. A 15 year old and 18 year old does not bother me one bit. That is a freshman and a JR or SR in high school.

[Mackenzie]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom

I think I am being misunderstood. If OP did call CPS she could inadvertently have someone form CPS call the state's attorney. There for starting the ball on someone else doing something about the relationship, that shouldn't be an issue at all. A 15 year old and 18 year old does not bother me one bit. That is a freshman and a JR or SR in high school.

Yep... good perspective...

Thanks for the clarification

[eclipse]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom

I think I am being misunderstood. If OP did call CPS she could inadvertently have someone form CPS call the state's attorney. There for starting the ball on someone else doing something about the relationship, that shouldn't be an issue at all. A 15 year old and 18 year old does not bother me one bit. That is a freshman and a JR or SR in high school.

Got ya. I thought you were telling her to call and get him brought up on charges. I'm glad I was wrong. The way statutory rape laws are sometimes used is an insult to teenagers and victims of actual rape.

[EdnaMarie]

If OP did call CPS she could inadvertently have someone form CPS call the state's attorney

.

I agree and this is what I got from the original post of this person. And yes, it will destroy this young man's life. I hate it when any crime must be stated and used against a person after that person has already served her or his sentence, and statutory rape laws used this way, as well as bar fights that go to felony charges, really make me sad. Let a person serve his time and move on.

[bella99]

Here in NY, the difference in ages can be used for what is called an "affirmative defense". Which is to say, that if a 15 year old is having sex with a 17 or 18 year old, because the 15 year old is not yet the age of consent and the other person is, the older person can still be charged with a crime, but can use the age difference between the two parties as an "affirmative defense" and charges are generally dropped. In NY, the age difference must be less than 3 years, 9 months I believe.

I work in foster care (as I said, sorry to repeat) and I was told by a work at another agency that a 16 year old boy on her caseload was currently in detention for having sex with his 15 year old girlfriend, even though it was consensual, and even though the parents of the girl were aware and supported the relationship. There was a feeling that an disapproving friend or school administrator had made some sort of call. They expected the charges to be dropped because of the age difference, but in the meantime, this kid was in JAIL for having sex with his girlfriend.

[LROM]

Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy

ha, you'd die if you lived where I live. You would have to call CPS on pretty much every family on my block.

I'm so sorry for your niece. It sounds like she really has a rough situation and is coping the best way that she can. There are two teenage girls on our street whose mom regularly locks them out for hours so she can have sex with her current man of the day. There is a 13 yo girl on my corner whose dad is a functioning alcoholic, so she runs away aout once a month because he "pisses her off." Oh and she is screwing his brother, her "uncle" (her "dad" is not her bio dad), but no one can prove it because she won't admit it, even though it's pretty obvious.

All of these girls frequent my house. I can't call CPS....they would just end up in some nasty group home somewhere;how would that help them? And honestly CPS wouldn't care much. So I just let them come over and hang out and play with my kids and they vent about their families, and then they go home.

your niece's situation is a shame, it really is. But I fail to see what the reason or purpose would be of calling CPS. What would you tell them? and what outcome would you be hoping for?

Just for the record, I know of very FEW CPS's that would NOT care that a 13 yr old was having sex with what I assume is an adult man. It does matter, and many states would screen that in (i.e. investigate it). I know you have strong feelings about not calling CPS, but I don't want the mistaken info out there that in general most CPSs would not care about that, because it isn't true. What would happen should CPS get involved is a different question, and varies from state to state and even from CPS office to CPS office. But it is not a situation that most would turn away from.

[an_aurora]

OP, if that's all there is to the story, I would not call CPS. When I was 15 I lived with my boyfriend because it was a better situation there than in my own home. We were sexually active, but we were safe and slept in separate bedrooms in his house.

[LionessMom]

Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy

ha, you'd die if you lived where I live. You would have to call CPS on pretty much every family on my block.

I'm so sorry for your niece. It sounds like she really has a rough situation and is coping the best way that she can. There are two teenage girls on our street whose mom regularly locks them out for hours so she can have sex with her current man of the day. There is a 13 yo girl on my corner whose dad is a functioning alcoholic, so she runs away aout once a month because he "pisses her off." Oh and she is screwing his brother, her "uncle" (her "dad" is not her bio dad), but no one can prove it because she won't admit it, even though it's pretty obvious.

All of these girls frequent my house. I can't call CPS....they would just end up in some nasty group home somewhere;how would that help them? And honestly CPS wouldn't care much. So I just let them come over and hang out and play with my kids and they vent about their families, and then they go home.

your niece's situation is a shame, it really is. But I fail to see what the reason or purpose would be of calling CPS. What would you tell them? and what outcome would you be hoping for?

actually cps would care about that. 13 is nowhere near the age of consent. and with an adult man? that iis a pedophile. would a group home be worse than what she has right now?