gentle discipline and helping DS to not become materialistic

[mamalita]

Hi folks! hmmmmmmmm, I've just been wondering how other parents gently let their DC know he/she is not going to get a chosen item at a store. My DS is 20 monts and already VERY aware of the location of cars/trucks (his favorite) in every store we go to - it doesn't help that there are cars/trucks in EVERY darn store these days (ie: CVS, the supermarket, etc.) - places we HAVE to go to (as opposed to a toy store or the mall). I defintely don't want DS to get materialistic but it is very difficult to gently tell him "not today" when that little hand is desperately clutching something and he nods his head ("yes") vigorously. I've been pretty strong saying "I don't think we will get X today, but let's go home and play trucks/cars/etc and enjoy the ones we have at home" but I feel like a big meanie. What do other parents say and is it difficult for you?? Just curious . .

[monkey's mom]

I let Sam enjoy the toys there (carefully, of course!), and then we make a big production of saying "Bye-bye! See you next time!" Sometimes we blow kisses to the toys and sometimes we talk about how cool they were and what was especially neat about them.

This works the majority of the time. :LOL

[Britishmum]

I am very clear with my two. "I know that you like that truck. It's great, isn't it? But Mummy doesnt have enough money for toys today." End of story.

Mind you, Dd#1 is now three and has worked out how we earn money, so often tells me to go and do some work on my computer to earn some money cos she wants a new toy. :

[LunaMom]

Try preparing him beforehand:

"When we go into the store, you may see some toys, but we are not buying toys today. We are buying toothpaste and soap. If you can remember not to ask for toys, then we will get our errand done quickly and we can do (fun thing) when we get back."

See how that works. Give him a job in the store, too, to keep him busy. Praise him if he gets out of the store without begging for a toy.

Also, I have solved the "toys are everywhere" problem with DD in this way - I try to NEVER buy a toy in any store other than a toy store, and then explain that we only buy food in the grocery store, books in the bookstore (drugs in the drugstore, tee hee), etc. I even get a little silly and say, "We don't buy food at the toy store, so isn't it silly to buy toys at the food store?"

When he does get upset, reflect his feelings back at him, too:

"You really like that truck and you wish you could have it. It's hard to see something you want and have Mommy say no." And then you can continue with reminding him what you came to buy.

Good luck!

[Red]

I sort of combined two approaches. I told my kids we couldn't buy toys at food stores, etc, becasue they were too expensive there.

Also, I almost never bought the kiddos a toy when they were with me. Toys were bday gifts, or for Christmas, not 'just because'. Even as two yos they were able to 'earn' a bit of money, for doing a chore, so that they could buy a toy for themselves, from time to time.

If we went to the mall I would sometimes let them buy a toy from the dollar store, but only once in a great while. It wasn't to be expected. They had plenty of toys at home and didn't need any toys to begin with. I tried to view the toys as the rip-offs they truly were, and to teach them the same. every dollar is hard earned and harder to part with !

I also avoided the toy aisle in the grocery store.

And sure, I felt bad, guilty, sorry. But they didn't need them! And I saw lots of spoiled children, thyey were so miserable. How does that work, anyway? Get what you want and wind up being never satisfied? It defys logic.

[mamaduck]

I'm sure 20 months is too young for this, but maybe you can store this tid-bit away for later. It works wonderfully to tell my boys that they should put something "on your wish list." We only actually remember to write it down about 30% of the time! :LOL But at birthdays and christmas they generally get a couple things off their "wish list." So "window shopping" is still enjoyable for them as they plan their wish lists -- even though they know they won't get a toy right then.

[pamelamama]

one helpful thing is the 'granting the wish through fantasy' approach.

"Yes that is a great car! I'd love to have that car too. Do you like the red one or the yellow one? If I had that car I'd zoom it down the highway. Can you say ZOOM! " And out the door we go, onto the next conversation.

I don't actually need to say no. It's the car concept that has him all hopped up, right? The actual car would go into the pile at home.

This approach works great for me in a variety of contexts.

[thistle]

Originally posted by monkey's mom
I let Sam enjoy the toys there (carefully, of course!), and then we make a big production of saying "Bye-bye! See you next time!" Sometimes we blow kisses to the toys and sometimes we talk about how cool they were and what was especially neat about them.

This works the majority of the time. :LOL

My dd is 23 months.

This is what we have done too. It has worked so well, that even when dd is holding something I DO intend to buy, she will finish looking at it, hand it to me and say "Back!" (Put it back).

If she's not quite done with it and we need to go, we put it back on the shelf "with it's friends" and say bye-bye.

I have recently started letting her have just one thing at at time. She has accepted this without objection.



thistle