I've know this woman for close to 8 years now. She's got a ton of friends and she's VERY high energy and is always all over the place. She often doesn't have time for all of us and we know and accept this. We had a falling out once for close to a year. It was stupid... I'd made plans to visit her and found my cat that day and she got mad at me for me taking her off the street. She refused to walk to the 2 blocks to my house to visit me instead of me going to her place. It sounds like a silly reason to have a falling out I know,but she wouldn't accept my apology,even weeks later so I gave up.
I missed her so sent her an e-mail and asked if we can meet and she said sure and we became friends again and hung out 2x. Then I became pregnant and she said she'd be there for me and do all this stuff for me and help with this and that. She never did,she had other stuff to do with other friends. Ok,that's fine.
I asked her to be the labor support person and she was soooo excited. She came to the hospital tour with me and the whole time we waited for it to start she was texting her roommate. It annoyed me and I asked her to please stop,many times. She also kept touching my belly and I had to tell her hands off after a while... a few times!
A couple days later she went to the u/s with me and got bored waiting so she asked a dad (when the mom left the room) if she could take his bored daughter(about 2) to the hall to play. He said sure of course,but when the mom came back she was mad! I'd told my friend she better wait to ask the mom!
One night we chatted on fb and she made a very racist remark about black people and when I asked her not to she tried to justify why she used the term and how some black men are N's and some are black men. That doesn't work for me. The N word just shouldn't be used. She changed the subject and I sent her a message about how I felt about the word and she never replied to me. So I decided that I wasn't able to have her at the birth with me,for that reason and a few other small ones.
A month went by and she still hadn't responded to me. So I saw her on fb and said change of plans,I'll birth alone. She was so angry and said NO you can't do that to ME. I was shocked at her response but it assured me that she was not the right person to be there for me.
I did invite her to visit us in the hospital and I said "you need to talk quietly when you come visit us please" I know she talks loud when she gets excited. She did when she was standing right above my sleeping baby. So I had to tell her to keep it down please. The first thing she did was ask to hold him.then begged me to wake him so she ca hold him.... I said no more then 3-4 times. Then she asked to see my scar and I said not yet,I haven't seen it yet and I'm really sore. Then she got in the way of my nurse when she was trying to help me BF.
When my son woke she wanted to hold him so I said ok and let her,then she wanted pics and was playing with the cam and I said hey,2 hands on him please and she was not hearing me. She's like "oh I know how to do this,I won't drop him". Well a new mama worries and when she says 2 hands please use 2 hands.
She made fun of my baby moon idea and was mad that I said she can't come visit until it's over and I'm ready. So she called and read an article to me about c-section moms needing extra help in the house so she asked if she can come yesterday to help me clean. I said ok sure. I warned her though that I didn't want her kissing my son and I may not feel like letting anyone hold him,I explained how some new mamas feel this way. Well she didn't help me clean at all.... no big deal though. I kinda knew she wouldn't.
All she wanted was to hold the baby. I said no,he's asleep. He fussed she told me to wake him and I said no,he is NOT really awake yet and needs more sleep. I did let her hold him,but then I fed him and she was trying to tell me how to do it! She'd never done it before and yeah we sometimes have trouble the first couple minutes,but I know to try a little longer at times and we are then fine. Then I went to wash my hands,he was in the bed and she got on the bed and started to get in his face and coo at him and take pictures and touch his lips! I was so mad! She knows I don't like people on my bed and that she should not be touching his mouth or lips and she was rude about it when I asked her not to. She was snarky!
I was stressed the whole time she was here. She has no respect for me and doesn't get why new mamas have boundries. She told me that friends of hers with a new baby don't like her holding their baby either,or anyone else really. She was talking badly about them. She also said that she herself has way more experience with kids then this couple does since she works with kids,but it's not the same I tried to explain this to her.
It's hard for me to end a friendship b/c I don't have that many friends in real life. I'm working on making new friends though.
I think I'm going to send this woman an e-mail explaining that we need a break for a while. I may give a few reasons as to why and hope she gets it.
Thanks for listening and for any advice and support you can offer.
I missed her so sent her an e-mail and asked if we can meet and she said sure and we became friends again and hung out 2x. Then I became pregnant and she said she'd be there for me and do all this stuff for me and help with this and that. She never did,she had other stuff to do with other friends. Ok,that's fine.
I asked her to be the labor support person and she was soooo excited. She came to the hospital tour with me and the whole time we waited for it to start she was texting her roommate. It annoyed me and I asked her to please stop,many times. She also kept touching my belly and I had to tell her hands off after a while... a few times!
A couple days later she went to the u/s with me and got bored waiting so she asked a dad (when the mom left the room) if she could take his bored daughter(about 2) to the hall to play. He said sure of course,but when the mom came back she was mad! I'd told my friend she better wait to ask the mom!
One night we chatted on fb and she made a very racist remark about black people and when I asked her not to she tried to justify why she used the term and how some black men are N's and some are black men. That doesn't work for me. The N word just shouldn't be used. She changed the subject and I sent her a message about how I felt about the word and she never replied to me. So I decided that I wasn't able to have her at the birth with me,for that reason and a few other small ones.
A month went by and she still hadn't responded to me. So I saw her on fb and said change of plans,I'll birth alone. She was so angry and said NO you can't do that to ME. I was shocked at her response but it assured me that she was not the right person to be there for me.
I did invite her to visit us in the hospital and I said "you need to talk quietly when you come visit us please" I know she talks loud when she gets excited. She did when she was standing right above my sleeping baby. So I had to tell her to keep it down please. The first thing she did was ask to hold him.then begged me to wake him so she ca hold him.... I said no more then 3-4 times. Then she asked to see my scar and I said not yet,I haven't seen it yet and I'm really sore. Then she got in the way of my nurse when she was trying to help me BF.
When my son woke she wanted to hold him so I said ok and let her,then she wanted pics and was playing with the cam and I said hey,2 hands on him please and she was not hearing me. She's like "oh I know how to do this,I won't drop him". Well a new mama worries and when she says 2 hands please use 2 hands.
She made fun of my baby moon idea and was mad that I said she can't come visit until it's over and I'm ready. So she called and read an article to me about c-section moms needing extra help in the house so she asked if she can come yesterday to help me clean. I said ok sure. I warned her though that I didn't want her kissing my son and I may not feel like letting anyone hold him,I explained how some new mamas feel this way. Well she didn't help me clean at all.... no big deal though. I kinda knew she wouldn't.
All she wanted was to hold the baby. I said no,he's asleep. He fussed she told me to wake him and I said no,he is NOT really awake yet and needs more sleep. I did let her hold him,but then I fed him and she was trying to tell me how to do it! She'd never done it before and yeah we sometimes have trouble the first couple minutes,but I know to try a little longer at times and we are then fine. Then I went to wash my hands,he was in the bed and she got on the bed and started to get in his face and coo at him and take pictures and touch his lips! I was so mad! She knows I don't like people on my bed and that she should not be touching his mouth or lips and she was rude about it when I asked her not to. She was snarky!
I was stressed the whole time she was here. She has no respect for me and doesn't get why new mamas have boundries. She told me that friends of hers with a new baby don't like her holding their baby either,or anyone else really. She was talking badly about them. She also said that she herself has way more experience with kids then this couple does since she works with kids,but it's not the same I tried to explain this to her.
It's hard for me to end a friendship b/c I don't have that many friends in real life. I'm working on making new friends though.
I think I'm going to send this woman an e-mail explaining that we need a break for a while. I may give a few reasons as to why and hope she gets it.
Thanks for listening and for any advice and support you can offer.
I am sorry.
