met with daycare today...

[neonalee]

We met with and decided to go with her before DS was born. The expense is considered very inexpensive for our city, and she came highly recommended by many parents. However, those parents are mostly mainstream. We visited today with DS, he starts daycare Friday. We're all good with cloth diapers (AIO).

The 1st time we visited she mentioned moms who breastfeed and keep milk in the freezer and she seemed very supportive. Today she was talking about how the milk dries up around 5 or 6 months and advising which formula we should bring, 'just in case'. I said I would think about it. Later when discussing what we needed to bring she wanted us to have a can of formula. Of course we explained that we have no intention of buying formula until we have to. Since nursing is going just fine I expect that to be never. I also gave her the kellymom handout about bottlefeeding a breastfed baby. She did seem familiar/comfortable and asked if I knew about breastmilk "expiration". We agreed on that. So, I think she is at least somewhat knowledgeable. But all the talk about formula and "my mother says breastfeeding moms should drink lots of tea with milk to keep up their supply" has me a little worried. What if she's overfeeding him? What if she decides he "needs more" and supplements? Would I know this is happening if I wasn't told?

Second, and I think this is just something I have to accept as part of daycare. What if sometimes he just has to cry? I mean, it's not one-on-one care, so if he's 'just' crying because he wants to be held, she will of course pick him up, but says she can't always. I understand, there are other babies. 4 infants to 1 adult, which seems fair. She says usuall babies are crying because they are hungry, want to be changed or burped, or are bored (want distraction). But I still worry about it.

Last, she's open 7:30 - 5, which means I take the train to work and DP drops off DS at 7:30. Then we both leave work before 4:30 to pick him up by 5. Are these standard daycare hours? It's pretty inconvenient, but I like her well enough, others like her a lot, and she's affordable (comparatively anyway).

Thoughts/opinions?

[Minxie]

You'll have to be able to trust her not to feed him formula. My son's godmother wanted me to bring a can of formula over just in case but I never did. I told her if there was a problem, I would leave work and tend to it but I did not intend to use formula. Perhaps you can give her a similar assurance to help her feel at ease?

I am less comfortable with the letting him cry thing. Have you observed her with a group of infants? I would probably ask to observe so that you had a firm grasp on what she means by letting him cry.

Yes, unfortunately, those are pretty standard hours especially for a home daycare (which it sounds like this is?) My son's current daycare is a center near where I work; they open at 7AM and your child must be picked up by 5PM. It makes it very difficult for single parents/guardians.

[chiefmir]

My two older children (one is now 5 yrs and one is 20 months) have both used a center-based daycare (the youngest will start part time in november). The hours you mentioned are pretty standard for in home daycare- most centers here go from 6:30 or 7:00 until 6. as for the formula issue-- I was never able to breastfeed (surgery which destroyed milk ducts) so all three of my kids have been EFF. At daycare, they always have asked us to either send an extra full bottle per day OR to have extra formula to keep on the shelf in the off chance that a bottle spills (its happened to me) or a baby throws up a whole bottle (all 3 of mine have had awful reflux) and they have to feed more often than usual or expected. maybe your DCP is anticipating something possibly happening to one of the bottles and not being able to meet your DC's needs? maybe you could reassure her by offering to send in an extra bottle daily? or to keep plenty in the freezer?

[nextcommercial]

I do home daycare.

I'll admit, I had a hard time with the pumped frozen breast milk. In the bags, it's kind of a pain in the neck. But, after about a week of "issues", she started bringing pumped milk in the bottles instead of frozen. But, I always had a good supply of frozen back up milk just in case. There WILL be days that he wants an extra bottle, or a few extra ounces in a feeding. About once a week, I had to get into the stash.

I don't let a baby cry. Not even for a few minutes. They fuss, but never cry unless something is wrong. (sick, hurt, whatever) But, I have one baby, and five toddlers. Most providers wouldn't just let him cry. She might say, "he may have to cry", but I doubt she will just leave him to cry. It's very hard when one is crying, and it's not that hard to do something to stop the crying.

I am only open from 7:00-4:30. I used to be open til 6:00 but, it was destroying my family life, and most of the parents were just going home, taking a shower and starting dinner, then picking up. Only a few were actually working til 5:30.

I close at 4:30 because it works better for me. It leaves me with time in the evenings to go to the gym, or the grocery store, and still have some down time. I CAN do that, because I can always find kids who's parents want a spot, and will pick up by 4:30. I'm sure it's inconvenient to some people, but the ones who can't work it out in those hours can find a wonderful daycare with the hours they need.

It does sound harder for your situation. But, give it a try first. If you really can't make it back by 5:00, look around for a place with hours that work better for you. You don't want to be completely stressed out over this. It may not work, but that's OK. You will always find a setting that works for your family. So, maybe look around a little bit to see if there are other options just in case this becomes too hard.

But, it may work perfectly! You might be surprised.

I hope it's easy and you feel very comfortable with your choice.

[Alyantavid]

Our home daycare is open from 7:30 to 5:30, but that's mainly because we live in a very small town and alot of people work in a bigger town 1/2 hour away, so it gives them time to get their kid picked up.

Make the breastmilk as easy on her as possible. It's got to be stressful to be caring for kids and have a baby who wants his food now! I like the pp's suggestion of taking it in bottles and sending some extra.

About the crying, this is a daycare, not home, so he may fuss more there than with you, but in my (very limited) experience, most providers don't let babies cry.

Good luck!

[rhiOrion]

Honestly, I think she sounds pretty good. She is relatively knowledgeable, but does have some gaps in the knowledge, such as thinking milk dries up at 5-6 months. But it doesn't really matter if she thinks that or not. As long as you keep sending milk, I'm sure she'll keep feeding it to him. I wouldn't send any formula in "just in case", and if you don't I can't imagine she'd feed him formula without your consent.

I would make sure that she has plenty of emergency contact numbers, if possible. That should give her some peace of mind that if for some reason he needs more milk she can find somebody to be "in charge" of the situation. I also think that if she did sneak any formula in you'd know because his poops would change (someone correct me if I'm wrong). And I imagine she knows that you'd know. I think basically she is worried of being stuck with nothing to feed him, and that you can help her ease that worry.

My DCP won't let me send in bags of frozen milk to keep on hand (they defrost the fridge every weekend anyhow). So here's what I do. I send her normal three four-ounce (five ounces this week because of a growth spurt) bottles. I also include an emergency two-ounce bottle every day. At the end of the day if they haven't used that bottle, I just dump it into one of the four-ounce bottles for the next day. That way it's never going more than two days without being used up. I put a fresh two ounces in the two-ounce bottle. It has gotten used a few times when things have happened. Once she refused her four-ounce bottle until it was too late for them to give it to her (they can only keep it out for an hour after it's warmed). Once it spilled in the fridge. Once I hadn't put the top on one of the four-ounce bottles very well and it spilled all over her when she went to eat it. This system has worked very well for us.

One of DD's daycare teachers mentioned that they could substitute some formula if I was having trouble pumping enough (which I was during the first few weeks). I just said that I didn't want to do that. The only other time it was ever mentioned was when that same DCP asked if I was putting any formula in her bottles. I just said no. I was never pressured- it's just that mixing in some formula is common, so it is a valid question.

I've made if VERY clear to them that if she is ever hungry and they're out of bottles to just call me and that if I have time I'll come nurse her. If I don't have time I'll take them some of the milk i've already pumped for the day (I'm lucky in that I work about 4-6 minutes away).

As far as the crying goes. I think she was being realistic. There WILL be times when he'll have to cry. But that doesn't mean she's going to make him CIO. If three babies are melting down at once, it's difficult to comfort all three at the same time. So, sometimes your DS might have to wait a minute. I have, however, seen my DCP manage to comfort two babies at once... one on each hip. I went and nursed at lunch for a while and got to watch how they do things. Yes, sometimes babies cried. I did hear her say to a parent that she let her son CIO in the crib for a while. BUT, I know that many parents request that. Yesterday she had to try to transfer a peacefully sleeping eight-week-old to the crib because the mother didn't want her to sleep in the swing. They pretty much do what the parents want, so I have no reason to think that they let my DD CIO- since I wrote down specifically that I don't believe in that.

Our DC is open 7:30-5:30. Closing at 5:00 would have been a deal breaker for me personally, but that's because my schedule isn't very flexible. But I've also noticed that despite the fact that I work 5 minutes away, usually L is one of the last babies there at 5:10. So it must work for some parents.

Anyhow, this is just my own experience with my own DCP, and YMMV. But I hope this was at least a little reassurance.

[Catubodua]

i wanted to add a slightly different perspective. there was an infant in my son's room at a center-based daycare and the mom pumped and brings in breastmilk for her.

she was *really* hungry for much of the day b/c mom insisted that she should only get her breastmilk in x amount of oz with x amount of hours in between.

the teachers spoke to mom about how kids form different habits and preferences at daycare than they have at home and how she needs to bring in more breastmilk or let them supplement. they had no problem with frozen / fresh supply, making bottles stuff.

mom wouldn't budge for a week and the poor little girl screamed for hours sometimes. finally, the director sat mom down and told her that while she understood her need to EBF the center could no longer accomodate her stated feeding schedule because of the screaming. they were willing to work with the mom on solutions, but not giving more food was no longer an option. they wanted mom to bring in more milk, and even suggested a milk bank if her supply wasn't enough.

the mom was pissed and told a bunch of people how the center was not breastfeeding friendly as they had claimed and pulled her daughter and brought her somewhere else.

so, long winded way of saying, she may have had issues like the one above where a LO only ate x amount at home but wanted more while at daycare and she wanted to have the fallback of formula if needed.


as for the hours - they seem short to me. most daycares around here are open 6:30 am to 6 or 6:30 pm. a place closing at 5 would be impossible for us to use.

[pammysue]

As far as the formula, I would send it everyday in the diaper bag and bring it home at night. That way you could monitor if she is using it. Also, make it very clear you would expect a phone call before DS was given anything except what you bring from home.

I work as a manager at the center where DS2 goes for care. I am always able to feed him on demand. BUT, he does have a sample size formula and one clean bottle that I keep at the center just in case. I also have a sample sized formula can at home too. I would rather be over prepared and never need it. I don't know where you live, but where I am a 1/2 hour commute can easily turn into a 2 hour trip with a bad snowstorm or accident.

As far as the hours, remember that the provider is working all of those hours (9 1/2) probably without a break, especially if she has infants who all sleep on their own schedules. Centers can have longer hours because they have multiple teachers that can be in the classroom for the day. So, that is the trade-off you have to make I guess. Shorter open hours but the home environment and one caregiver for the whole day.

For the BF comments, if you think they will not interfere with your child's care, you may just have to brush them off.

[neonalee]

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it. To address some things... she specifically requested 2 bottles with milk in them and the rest be in the freezer bags. Any leftover gets frozen. This is fine and I plan to have extra in her freezer as well. I have an abundant supply, so no worries there, and DS currently is fed on demand, I don't schedule. She seemed fine with that as well. I think I will just make sure she always has plenty on hand and have DP mention again that he is not to receive formula and try not to worry about it.

For the hours, I do understand why they are that way, just wasn't sure if that was standard (yes, it's a home daycare). It seems like we've been able to arrange our schedules, but only time will tell for sure. She mentioned once that most of her moms were teachers. She might never take an office professional couple again! Pammysue - we are in chicago as well. And well acquainted with the 2 hour commute for about a 10 mile drive! I figure I'll hop on the el when that happens, we're in a really good location for public transit. I don't have a big preference between home or center daycare. Unfortunately it comes down to price, we can barely afford the one we found.

Thanks again Mamas, the daycare thing is hard for all of us that need to do it. I'm sure that's part of my worry as well.

[claras_mom]

OP, you've gotten good responses; just want to throw one more thing in there. This time around (meaning the same home daycare dd1 had been in; dd2 started there when dd1 went off to preK), I was asked to provide an emergency kit. Formula, bottled water, and bottles. It was explicitly an emergency kit, not for supplementing if dcp ran short on breastmilk, but for feeding dd2 in the event of an evacuation for fire; earthquake or windstorm knocking out power, etc.

We had a bad year for fires in 2008-2009 (my neighborhood was evacuated in the middle of the night when dd2 was about a month old). Preparedness is the big watchword now, where I am. Emergency personnel are really proactive about getting people out way before they need to--meaning in all likelihood, in case of another fire, there would be plenty of time for dcp to call us and have us pick dd2 up--but she still needs the emergency kits.

[LilMomma83]

I just left several bags of frozen breast milk for my DCP to keep in her freezer in case of emergency or late pick up :-)

[Quinalla]

Those hours sound a bit on the short side, but I can understand her limiting her hours if it works for her clients, I would want my hours short too Is it possible for you to go into work early and leave early, even just 30 minutes? That's what I was able to do and it helps immensely with drop off/pick up just because I am not in the worst of the rush hour traffic.

Glad to hear it sounds like she has dropped the formula thing. Maybe she was worried that you weren't going to have any extra breastmilk on hand for her? I actually asked my daycare if they wanted me to bring a can of formula just in case there was a true emergency and I couldn't get there, but they said they have true emergency back up already and they would of course call me and see if anything else could be arranged first before even thinking about it, and that would be after using the reserve in the freezer of course.