Going back to work, dh staying home, anyone else?

[tanyam926]

I just got a job and have been on unemployment (was laid off from my work at home job due to sale of the business) for a yr.

So, ds3 is 2 and dh will be quitting his second part time job to stay home during the wk w/the kids and keeping his wkend (3, 11 hr days) job. I haven't worked outside of the home since I was pg w/ds3.

So how do we make this transition easier? Anyone BTDT and can offer advice so that it can be a positive change over?

All the boys have a great relationship w/daddy, but dh is not usually the primary caregiver and can get easily frustrated (although he does not get angry) and I know there will be some bumps as they get into their own routine.

TIA!

[akind1]

I went back to work (3 days at home, 2 in the office) when DS was 7 weeks old. DH was laid off shortly after I found out I was pregnant with him, and has been unemployed (bar the occasional web freelance job) since.

Maybe it is a guy thing? but DH also gets easily frustrated, but not angry. I think the hardest thing for him is that, unless it is at the computer, he is not a great multitasker. So if the baby is demanding attention he cannot do stuff around the house, as well as tend the baby. He really can only get house stuff done if the baby is napping, or playing contentedly in his gated off area (or earlier, in the excersaucer, etc) If it were me, I bring the baby in the kitchen with me, or in the laundry room, etc.

At the end of the day, so long as baby and daddy are happy, that is what matters.

I have no advice to offer, but thought I would just let you know you aren't alone -

[tanyam926]

Thanks akind1, I know they will be okay, and I definately don't expect housework done and all that stuff.

Luckily our youngest is 2 and they will all play together long enough to get some things done, but it's hit or miss w/us. Some days the two youngest are whining at me all day, ds3 wants to nurse all day and I can't get anything done. Other days I am able to get the whole house cleaned.

Anyway, thanks for the commisseration.

[sparklett]

DH became a SAHD when DS was 11 mos. He was laid off and returning to his field turned out to be impossible. Except for a brief internship a few months ago, he's been home with DS for over 2 years. He's now in grad school and will continue to be a SAHD for the next two years while he finishes up. I WAH mostly but also leave to attend meetings and events.

I'll be honest, becoming the primary breadwinner was a hard transition, but mostly for me. I felt 11 months was too young to leave DH, and at first it was tough on DS, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been. My problem was that I was upset about the "unfairness" of the situation- that DH was going to stay home when I was supposed to be the one at home. That was a hard thing to get over.

One thing I would suggest is that you accept that your DH will do things differently than you do, and that's okay. Establishing an open dialogue where both you and your DH feel free to give each other ideas and feedback on parenting is a really good thing to do. That might help your DH find ways to deal with getting frustrated. I also found that telling DH that priority #1 is the care, feeding and happiness of DS. Everything else-laundry, dishes, a clean house- is something we can do as a team.

DH also found that connecting with other dads was helpful. At our old house, he had a few dad friends that he would visit for playdates. Now that we're at our new place, there's a BIG group for SAHDs that includes playdates and beer nights for dads, and that's a nice asset for DH, especially since they like to trade tactics.

One thing that helped both of us with the transition was the knowledge that we were incredibly lucky to be in a position where DS was always in the care of a parent, instead of at daycare, or having to use preschool as childcare, or having to rely on family. That knowledge was enough to keep both of us focused and happy about our choices.

[hakeber]

My hubby stays home with the baby and did so with DS too before he was old enough for nursery-school. He handles things differently than I do, for sure, but they have such a great relationship with their dad it's super sweet.

Just let them work it out, give him lots of space and respect his methods.

It should be fine!