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Originally Posted by azgirl
 Yah, they absolutely should not be mutually exclusive...but...I don't know many people who are great at non-violent communication. I have experience very few instances where someone aired grievances in a non-violent productive way...
I totally agree that I am lucky. I feel incredibly lucky for all my friendships! I simply haven't had a friendship end because I failed to "clear the air and move on". I guess I "clear the air" in my mind and heart and move on. Maybe I am missing something... I am not sure what you guys mean about having friends I don't hang out with...I just said that, rather than confront, I: get over it or stop hanging out. What is weird about that? What does it mean to "have friends" do you guys think I should give people notice that I am not their friend anymore? That seems petty and hurtful. Maybe I am not communicating well. Don't we all have friends that we don't hang out with because of various reasons? Distance, time, schedules? What difference does it make why? Sometimes people just drift apart. Either way, it's been over 10 years since I have chosen to stop hanging out with someone, so it isn't an issue that comes up much anymore. So, I know my way is not the norm and the way I do things (or describe what I do, at least) seems weird to some of you. Fair enough. But I just wanted to offer my perspective  I am here a lot because there are so many areas of my life I need help/growth with. Friendships are just something I AM successful at. As measured by what my friends say and write to me about our friendships as well as how nurtured and supported I feel by my friends.Also, I don't totally trust that I am the best communicator (I don't think I do the best job of communicating in posts, that's for sure) and I would rather just give people the benefit of the doubt unless they do something too egregious to ignore, and it's been over 10 years since anything like that has happened... I don't sit around seething and not saying anything. I just choose not to get too angry, or annoyed or irked. Is that really so weird? I am just so happy with the state of my friendships, many of them 10 or 20 years old at this point...  Now I just need to master family relationships....in those I somehow manage to be too confrontational and aggressive, ugh. My non-violent communication skills are improving though!! |
