My family of origin that is...
I moved away from home nearly 20 years ago - at first dh returned home 2x a year, then at least every holiday and it was easy for my family to just wait for me to come home.
Starting from the time of my dd birth (dec babe) in 2003 trips home have become less frequent - but my own mother didn't even come visit when her only daughter (me) had her first child - disappointing yes - but I understood (traveling is far outside my mother's comfort zone) and I had the great fortune of having an amazing friend and midwife with lots of great like minded mamas for support and post partum dinners
I have not been home in nearly three years - I chose to go home now because it is also my 25th HS reunion. I told my brother (who lives with my mother - she gave him the house so I guess she technically lives with him?)
that I was coming and it would be great, if it weren't too much trouble, to have an informal gathering of extended family while I was home so that I could see as many people as possible (only home for long wkend) - keep in mind that they have a HUGE party every Memorial day - so I didn't think this was a big deal - he said sure I'll just have to make sure I get the day off (he works as a paramedic and several other side jobs - no wife or kids btw - he's three yrs older than me)
I called several weeks ago to give flight info and see if a pick up from the airport was possible - knowing it would be hard for my mom, I made arrival/departure for noonish and thought her sister could go with her - but car is unreliable (needs timing belt - brother is also professional mechanic and that is one of his side jobs btw) I tell her forget it - I'll rent a car - she feels badly and offers to pay for half - $ is not an issue so I tell her it's not necessary
Today my other brother calls and says he would pick me up - I appreciate the offer but tell him the rental will be useful anyway - he asks what I had in mind for this "big party" and I tell him just a casual thing - pot luck etc (although we do have a large family) But I know not everyone would even care/be able to come - he says just have it at his place - Mom's is a mess and J. isn't even going to be ther b/c he is working a dbl
My mom also said that I could stay there but I would have to share a room with my brother!!! (it's a 4 bedroom house but apparently 2 are not functional) So I will stay with the other brother.
My biggest disappointment - brother #1 cannot be bothered to get the day off from work ( with 3 MONTH NOTICE) to even spend on day with me - I've been gone almost 20 years and not one single visit from one single member from my family - that's bad enough - but this is unbelievable to me??? Last time I was home I think the only time I saw him was Christmas eve dinner - we were home for over a week. I think I saw my mother one additional time.
So part of me (the more mature part) wants to confront him now and say WTF? and see if he'll actually try and get the day off. Calmly tell him this really hurts my feelings and shows me how little he cares.
Another part of me (the smaller part) wishes to ignore it and then throw it in his face after the fact and make him feel like s**t
I moved away from home nearly 20 years ago - at first dh returned home 2x a year, then at least every holiday and it was easy for my family to just wait for me to come home.
Starting from the time of my dd birth (dec babe) in 2003 trips home have become less frequent - but my own mother didn't even come visit when her only daughter (me) had her first child - disappointing yes - but I understood (traveling is far outside my mother's comfort zone) and I had the great fortune of having an amazing friend and midwife with lots of great like minded mamas for support and post partum dinners
I have not been home in nearly three years - I chose to go home now because it is also my 25th HS reunion. I told my brother (who lives with my mother - she gave him the house so I guess she technically lives with him?)
that I was coming and it would be great, if it weren't too much trouble, to have an informal gathering of extended family while I was home so that I could see as many people as possible (only home for long wkend) - keep in mind that they have a HUGE party every Memorial day - so I didn't think this was a big deal - he said sure I'll just have to make sure I get the day off (he works as a paramedic and several other side jobs - no wife or kids btw - he's three yrs older than me)
I called several weeks ago to give flight info and see if a pick up from the airport was possible - knowing it would be hard for my mom, I made arrival/departure for noonish and thought her sister could go with her - but car is unreliable (needs timing belt - brother is also professional mechanic and that is one of his side jobs btw) I tell her forget it - I'll rent a car - she feels badly and offers to pay for half - $ is not an issue so I tell her it's not necessary
Today my other brother calls and says he would pick me up - I appreciate the offer but tell him the rental will be useful anyway - he asks what I had in mind for this "big party" and I tell him just a casual thing - pot luck etc (although we do have a large family) But I know not everyone would even care/be able to come - he says just have it at his place - Mom's is a mess and J. isn't even going to be ther b/c he is working a dbl
My mom also said that I could stay there but I would have to share a room with my brother!!! (it's a 4 bedroom house but apparently 2 are not functional) So I will stay with the other brother.
My biggest disappointment - brother #1 cannot be bothered to get the day off from work ( with 3 MONTH NOTICE) to even spend on day with me - I've been gone almost 20 years and not one single visit from one single member from my family - that's bad enough - but this is unbelievable to me??? Last time I was home I think the only time I saw him was Christmas eve dinner - we were home for over a week. I think I saw my mother one additional time.
So part of me (the more mature part) wants to confront him now and say WTF? and see if he'll actually try and get the day off. Calmly tell him this really hurts my feelings and shows me how little he cares.
Another part of me (the smaller part) wishes to ignore it and then throw it in his face after the fact and make him feel like s**t
