4 yo and hair brushing woes (update in thread)

[minkin03]

My 4 yo dd has long, thick, wavy, auburn colored hair. Everywhere she goes people comment about how gorgeous it is and how people pay so much money for hair like hers. Problem is she is extremely sensitive to getting her hair brushed. Every little snag or snarl she screams in pain. It's nearly impossible to get it brushed thoroughly, and can take a good 10 min with all her crying and screaming. I'm trying to be as gentle as I can, I've used countless detanglers and conditioners but nothing is working.

I hate to cut it and she doesn't want me to cut it. Anybody have anything that works for them to help detangle hair and brush it with hardly any tears?

Oh, and I usually have it braided at night and during the day to keep it from getting too tangled.

[ChetMC]

Can She ... ?

Can you start teaching her to brush it herself. I don't know why, but brushing your own hair always hurts less. Even if she started and you finished it off.

[CatsCradle]

I have this same problem with my four-year-old DD. She has corkscrew curls, and when maintained, it looks beautiful.

In order to keep my sanity, I wash DD's hair about every third day. I use a lot of conditioner and barely wash it out. I comb it while wet, and then do minimum combing/brushing over the next two days. I have to keep up this procedure or it will start to get tangled. Sometimes I want to cut it, but it would break my heart. She has gotten a lot better about it over the last year.

[Earthy Mama]

My dd is now 7 and has stick straight hair that is very fine. I struggled for YEARS keeping her hair brushed. 7 years to be exact. She just now got the hang of self maintenance.
I could only use a ton of conditioner and help her brush it while it was still in her hair-in the shower or bath. Braids never worked for us since her hair is so fine, it just falls out of the braids. I have had to reduce to cutting her hair short to minimize the agony.

[columbusmomma]

My DD, age 3, also has beautiful long curly hair. And the combing/ brushing is torture
I don't wash it too frequently but use lots of conditioner, and try to use my hands to comb through her hair right after rinsing. Then I use a detangler. You can make your own by mixing water and conditioner in a spray bottle. I find it helpful if she can be engaged in something while I comb it out, like looking out the window or reading a book. If I braid it it is also easier to maintain.
Have you heard of the book curly girl? It's a great resource for wavy,curly,etc. hair. The author advocates not using shampoo and not using a comb or brush. I'm currently doing this myself and starting too with DD.

[bartleby]

I was just coming on here to post about hair-brushing woes myself! My almost 6 y.o. daughter has straight, thick, shoulder-length hair. It rarely gets washed (which doesn't really bother me...it tends to look okay w/o frequent washing). But it also rarely gets brushed either. I'm sure you all can relate when I say it is a nightmare when we do try to comb it. Screaming, tears, running away, you name it.

My issue is this: Lice. She doesn't have it now (at least I dearly hope not), but we went through our first bout of it just 6 weeks ago. It's a pain in the butt, to say the least. Since then, I really really want to get in the habit of keeping her hair de-tangled so we can regularly check her for lice (which seem to be rampant in our area lately, and have already appeared at her school), and comb her with the nit comb, which means her hair must be completely tangle-free.

I am not above using rewards, bribery, whatever. I have given her the choice before to either get her hair cut shorter or to cooperate with hair combing. She chose long hair, but nothing has changed in her level of cooperation. I am adamant about the lice combing. It must be done! I'm sorry, but it's just not something I can compromise on. Having to detangle her hair and comb it so much during the active lice episode was such an ordeal, I do not want to go through it again!

[minkin03]

glad to hear i'm not alone!

i've tried letting her brush it on her own but she doesn't do a good job. and if it's not brushed you can see that it's not brushed... i really don't want others to think i'm neglecting my kid, kwim? lol

the conditioner with water in a spray bottle is a very good idea, and i'm going to give that a try.

here's a pic to give you an idea of what i'm up against. this is from 10 months ago so it is another 3 or 4 inches longer now than it is in this photo

http://flickr.com/gp/karalynae/GM7608

[zebra15]

This is from someone who grew up with long curly hair until I finally was allowed to get it cut at age 12. Hair like that is not only long and a PITA to take care of, its hot and heavy. While people may comment how 'cute' its looks very few adults would put up with the daily mainteance needed. YES it HURTS to brush it out. No matter how gentle you try to be, it just hurts.

What I would do is slowly start trimming 2-3 inches off your DD's hair so its not such a shock to go from really long hair to short hair....I would do that every 6 wks or so until the hair was a manageable legnth. She doesnt need a pixie cut. Also if you go this route make sure the person cutting the hair does not make a huge deal about how 'short' its going to be and add to the possible anxiety.

I wanted my hair cut for years and was never allowed to get it done. (weird parents and long story) I hated that hair, it took hours every week when you added up the time spent dealing with it. The hair gave me headaches. The relief I felt when it was finally cut was immense.

[cjam]

I've had good luck with leave-in spray-on conditioners.

That said, my girls aged 4 and 5 had longish hair this past winter. My oldest sounds like the original poster's daughter. Brushing, combing, washing, drying all ended in tears. Right after the spring dance recital, they both got chin length bobs. It was adorable. We spend way too much time at the beach and the pool in the summer to be fighting with their hair. It's starting to get long again and so far there isn't as many tears. Maybe they matured a bit over the summer? I wouldn't hesitate to cut their hair again if it became a problem. Life is too short to have unnecessary battles and tears. And really, you don't have to shave her head, just cut it to something more managable. I find chin length is both managable and still girly and cute.

We signed up for two weeks of everyday swimming lessons this summer. If they had still had long hair, I probably wouldn't have done it. Long hair would have pushed it into the "too much hassle" category for me.

[ellairiesmom]

uggghhh...the combing of the hair is one of my biggest PIAs of motherhood! lol
my sis in law has the same issues with my niece.

we have something in our dna & so far, the 4 kids birthed between my brothers & i have had crazy long hair AT BIRTH. so at 3 & 4, the girls' hair is long, real long.

i switched to adult conditioner & don't rinse it completely. i also try & comb frequently to keep the knots from getting a chance to take over. sleeping does the most damage so we try & put it up for bed.

i also feel like a wide tooth comb was the easiest to work with after trying a bunch.

[meemee]

i have a dd too with really sensitive scalp. so much so that as an infant she never allowed me to tie her hair or put anything in her hair. she cant stand it - even now.

first everytime she showers she uses conditioner. just warm water i think dries hair out. we do conditioner twice in one shower. first time keep it in for a few minutes - while soaping the rest of the body OR while she is brushing her teeth, rinse and then a second round and rinse.

when her hair is dry we wet it completely - esp the ends with a spray bottle of water adn conditioner and then brush it.

next we use this soft hair brush. my friend got it for me. from a professional store i think. the bristles while plastic is really soft, very, very soft.

but yes you need a LOT of patience to brush that kind of hair. my dd has fine hair that tangles sooo easily. she sleeps on satin pillowcases to avoid the birds nest in the morning. braiding too much gives her headaches.

[starlein26]

I recently cut dd's hair! We both LOVE it. No more tears washing or brushing her hair and she looks adorable!

[lonegirl]

That was me. I hate having my rediculously thick, wavy hair brushed. It hurt a lot and I had a lot of it. My mom would french braid it a lot to keep it under control. At night before bed it was braided or put in rags and then in the morning brushed out. I still wear my hair back in a pony tail so it doesn't become quite so matted by morning. Everyone loves my hair and comments on how thick it is....and everytime I get it cut and styled I have them take a ton off by layers and thinning just so it is manageable.

[mom2happy]

My dd has thick wavy hair to her thighs.
We braid it every night. I never use spray conditioners and we only wash it once a week.
The Mason pearson brush is the only brush in the whole world that DOES not hurt. Even if you have to rip it through pretty roughly to get the knots out.
I know they are around $150. They are made of natural rubber and boars head bristles or mixed with nylon. I have had the same one for 15 years because I have the same hair. It is absolutely amazing and a must have for long hair. My DD never has to have pain when getting her hair brushed.
I would recommend saving up for this brush and it will last until she is an adult. I know it sounds to good to be true but its like magic.
I was lucky to find a sample for sale in a beaty salon. Maybe try ebay.
Id love to hear if anyone else has one. No one seems to know about them around here.

[raelize]

my dd also has super thick straight hair, though not wavy at all. her hair is so thick, it is at least twice the thickness as mine, and i have thick hair. she really wanted long hair, but she wouldn't let me brush it well and it was backbreaking to wash her hair in a tub. she HAD to shower instead. i cut it and now she likes it short. it is cooler and so much easier to manage. we still braid it to keep it off her face and she can still put things in her hair, but we are both SO much happier.

[ElliesMomma]

Originally Posted by zebra15

This is from someone who grew up with long curly hair until I finally was allowed to get it cut at age 12. Hair like that is not only long and a PITA to take care of, its hot and heavy. While people may comment how 'cute' its looks very few adults would put up with the daily mainteance needed. YES it HURTS to brush it out. No matter how gentle you try to be, it just hurts.

What I would do is slowly start trimming 2-3 inches off your DD's hair so its not such a shock to go from really long hair to short hair....I would do that every 6 wks or so until the hair was a manageable legnth. She doesnt need a pixie cut. Also if you go this route make sure the person cutting the hair does not make a huge deal about how 'short' its going to be and add to the possible anxiety.

I wanted my hair cut for years and was never allowed to get it done. (weird parents and long story) I hated that hair, it took hours every week when you added up the time spent dealing with it. The hair gave me headaches. The relief I felt when it was finally cut was immense.

[Autumn Breeze]

Originally Posted by CatsCradle

I
I use a lot of conditioner and barely wash it out. I comb it while wet, and then do minimum combing/brushing over the next two days. I have to keep up this procedure or it will start to get tangled. Sometimes I want to cut it, but it would break my heart. She has gotten a lot better about it over the last year.

This. My 5 yr old hates having her hair combed. Her hair is fine, and tangles in a snap. I only comb out ALL tangles when it's wet and well conditioned. And it takes a good 20 minutes. She wears it in a pony tail pretty much all the time. We carefully re-do the pony in the mornings, usually with out brushing at all. She just can't deal with it when it's dry. And I haven't found the "right brush" for her.

Then again. My hair is the same way, only wavy/curly. I don't brush it when it's dry, only when it's wet, and only once. :

[minkin03]

i tried the conditioner in the spray bottle with water and it has helped tremendously!!! thank you so much for the advice!

[minkin03]

Originally Posted by Autumn Breeze

This. My 5 yr old hates having her hair combed. Her hair is fine, and tangles in a snap. I only comb out ALL tangles when it's wet and well conditioned. And it takes a good 20 minutes. She wears it in a pony tail pretty much all the time. We carefully re-do the pony in the mornings, usually with out brushing at all. She just can't deal with it when it's dry. And I haven't found the "right brush" for her.

Then again. My hair is the same way, only wavy/curly. I don't brush it when it's dry, only when it's wet, and only once. :

that's how my dd is, when it's wet it goes so much more easily vs. when it's dry.

[MamaEli]

My DD is biracial, and has long, curly hair. Not as big of curls as your DD's but definitely corkscrew. Like a lot of the others, we wash only about twice a month. However, we use a LOT of conditioner. I make sure her hair is saturated with water, and then put in plenty of conditioner. I lightly fingercomb it, then use a wide pick to get the tangles out. I do not rinse out the conditioner. I usually do her hair before bed, in pigtails with braids or the like. If I do plan on having her wear her hair down the next day, I lightly braid it before bed and then it doesn't tangle. Without the conditioner, and even with it sometimes, she would cry and it would be so hard to get through. Good luck!