Homebirth with an (almost) 2 year old

[dubhreubel]

My daughter turns two Jan 4th, and this babe is due December 15th (I went a week early with my DD, no inductions) We've recently agreed on a homebirth, and a friend will be here with her to help us with whatever we need (She will also trade as support person with my DH if my DD needs a parent instead of a caregiver.) DD is also quite fond of my midwife, so no stranger fear there or anything...
Currently, DD is still pretty much non-verbal, so it's hard to say how much she understands, but I need ideas about how to prepare her for the experience of Mommy in labour. She'll be able to come in and out while I'm in labour, but probably not while I give birth.

Stories and advice are very welcome

[AZgirl2207]

My DD was 2 1/2 yrs when DS was born at home. DD went with a friend (DD's favorite person in the whole world) on a day of errands/park time/lunch out. I sent her with lots of schedule/activity info, new special art supplies, and overnight supplies. Of course, DS was earthside by 11 and DD was home by noon!

For me, I had no interest in DD being anywhere nearby when I was in labor. My first birth was intense (OP, 4 hours of pushing) and I knew that I would be distracted by DD presence. I think that having kids at birth is great, just not the right choice for me.

For your daughter, I would talk to her about the sounds of labor. How much work it takes to have a baby, etc. Maybe you could practice sounds together? As far as the sights of labor, videos totally freaked out my four year old. B/W photos were much better for us.

HTH

[love4bob]

My DD was 19 months at my home birth, but I never really thought about what to occupy her with when I was in labor. I just thought that she would hang around while I labored. My MIL was there, so I thought that she could occupy her and she could watch a movie or color or something.
It ended up that she slept through the whole thing though! I went in to labor at 12am, and her sister was born at 3:30am. She woke up to a new sister!

[SilverLace]

I would say make sure she is really comfortable with the friend you are going to have there, and that you are totally comfortable with that friend making choices about her when you're in labor.

Like PP's said, it is great to let your friend know the usual routines and favorites, and what the communication system is.

If you have an early labor that might be a good time for her to be around, and then miss transition, and come back for the birth. It also might be nice for your friend to stay pp- maybe in a different room so you can have some private family time- but then someone to help with DD in the first few hours pp (which are just as disruptive as labor).

[Nicole730]

DS was 22 months and not completely verbal, lots of words, but no feeling words yet. I didn't end up telling him anything about labor. I just told him there was a baby in mama's belly and he would kiss my stomach. I told him someday soon he would have a brother or sister, but that's it.

I told myself I would have the baby while he was sleeping, so it wouldn't matter anyway. And it totally worked out that way. My water broke just after he went to bed and she was born 1.5 hours before he woke up. I think had it been during the day and I was in pain/making noises, I would have just explained between contractions that I had to make noises to help the baby come out. Sometimes it hurts, but that's okay because a new baby was coming soon.

[rad]

DS1 was 27 months when DD was born. We actually woke him up and took him down the street to our IL's house while I labored. I probably could have just let him sleep through it since the birth was only 4 hours.

DD was 21 months when DS2 was born. I let her and DS1 sleep through the birth since it was only 1.5 hrs. Pretty much the same thing happened when DS4 was born.

DS3 was the only one that didn't come in the middle of the night. I went into labor about 4pm, had him at 6:30ish. I had a friend come over to hang out with the older 3 kids. They really didn't have any interest in being around when he was born, so they stayed downstairs watch tv and made birthday cards for the new baby. They came right up as soon as he was born to meet him.

I guess I was never very good at preparing them since I knoew I didn't really want the kids around me while I labored. I only just tolerate DH and the birth attendants. I did read books with them (Runa's birth was a fave) and we'd discuss birth and me in labor. But I just always assumed they really wouldn't be there for most of it.

[dubhreubel]

Thank you! Some great suggestions here...

DD is comfortable with the person who is coming, but we'll be working on that in the time before the bean gets here to make sure. We'll definitely have to make a detailed pp family plan so we have some set information for that time frame as well, I hadn't even thought of that. When DD was born, I didn't have to worry about anything but her lol.

I'm loving the stories of how it worked out for others too, it's so sweet!

[mamakaikai]

Act it out. Hands and knees and make noise...loudly. Explain to her what you're doing, get her involved and acting it out too. Make it a game. Gradually increase your performance, over time. I did this and found that my dd, just over 2, did wonderfully with the birth. She wasn't afraid of the sounds I made since she'd heard them before. She didn't find it scary weird that I was moving funny and in different positions etc since she'd seen it before several times. I think it helped a lot.

Also, watching some 'graphic' birth videos on youtube so she see's other women making noise etc and sees the baby being born.