I dread putting her to bed . . .

[1stTimeMama4-4-10]

DD is 5 1/2 months. She was an insane screamer from 1 week until about 5 weeks, then she seemed to settle in and we were able to console her. Before that, it was just hell. We cosleep, babywear, and DD is ebf (though I work full time outside of my home, so it is frequently with a bottle of expressed milk).

I've had a couple of threads about sleep here, and I'm starting to lose it a little. From 3 weeks until about 2 weeks ago, so for about 4 months, we had the most beautiful nighttime ritual. Baby sleeps on me or DH all day (she will NOT NOT NOT accept being put down anywhere to sleep, and will only sleep in the ergo/mei tai/sling) whenever she needs to nap and around 10 or so, we make our way up to bed. I would LOVE to be able to put DD to bed earlier, but she will not sleep without us, and I frequently work until after 7, so I just can't go to bed much earlier than that. So we would go to bed, I would nurse her down and she would wake 2-4 times to nurse and then go right back to sleep. Beautiful.

Then 2 weeks ago, she started this new thing where we nurse down but she doesn't go to sleep. Instead she finishes nursing and starts to fidget, wanting to play. Within 5 minutes she is shrieking. DH and I walk her and bounce her and cuddle her and I try to nurse again and she refuses. She tries to push us away and cries the whole time. I've tried swaddling, and it makes her even more hysterical, and I mean HYSTERICAL to the point of choking so swaddle is out. If we put her down, same thing, crazy shrieking. She hates the swing, the bouncy seat, the car seat, and anything that's not a carrier or the bed. She usually refuses pacifiers, although last night she took it 1 1/2 hour into this scene.

It now takes us between 1-2 hours from first getting into bed to sleep. Usually after her freak out, I keep trying to nurse her and eventually after enough time has passed she will finally accept it. A few nights ago, she refused to nurse but I thought she might be hungry so we gave her a bottle and she took it, which broke my heart a little. But whatever, she went to sleep so who cares about that right?

Cry it out is just wrong imo. I know that my child would not understand anything but fear and pain if we left her alone. The problem is that I'm starting to lose it. I get angry and frustrated with this new nighttime routine I work full time out of the house while DH stays home with DD, then I get her until she goes to bed so I'm also not getting a break at all. But then if I want a break, it means less time with her, so then I feel like a bad mom. Anyway, I get frustrated, then I feel hopeless and like I'm a horrible mother. She's an innocent 5 month old baby, how could I be frustrated with her? I just feel like I'm starting to fall apart in my whole life. I dread every night and I have less and less patience for it. I keep thinking about putting her in her crib. I told her so the other night, and then blessedly she fell asleep.

I am so desperate for this to end because I need sleep to be a peaceful thing and not the horror show it is becoming. Help.

[marinak1977]

this sounds tough. I'm not an expert, but it sounds to me like her bedtime has shifted to a later time so she is not ready to sleep at 10pm. DS went through a period of that, and one thing that worked for us is shifting his naps to earlier times, and allowing him to play it out before going to sleep.
Is there any chance you can do some work in bed near her if she does go down earlier? I found that if DS fell asleep out of bed at his bedtime, sometimes he woke up during the transfer and wanted to play as if he just had a nap. So, at about 5 months I often ended up nursing him down in bed and then working on my laptop near him. It got better and he allowed me to sneak out of bed once he stopped needing to sleep touching me (probably around 7 months). I still have to periodically nurse him down though.

[rhiOrion]

Could you try getting her to sleep earlier in the carrier and then you getting in bed and nursing her when you're ready? That's our routine at night. DH bounces L starting at about 8:30-9:00. Around 9:30 I get in bed. At about 10:00 DH brings her to me. She's gotten a 30min-1hour (depending on how long it took her to conk out) of sleep already, I get 30 minutes of sleep with her on me, and then he brings her to me and I nurse her immediately. She rarely does more than open her eyes for a second during the transition.

[mrsgrasty]

so sorry you're dealing with this. it is so hard to deal with sleep problems. my lo is 4 months, and i am only in the last week or two able to get him to sleep without being next to him, under him, or wearing him. yesss!

i will just throw out some of what we tried (that you haven't already mentioned), because who knows, maybe we have a slight variation that your lo will like.

the magic bullet for us was nursing him down on the bed while he was swaddled. but like your lo, he doesn't always like to be swaddled. if he is not already sleepy, swaddling makes him mad and he grunts and groans trying to get free. BUT, if he is sleepy, the swaddle is great because i can nurse him down and when i move away from him he doesn't notice.

it sounds like you already try all that, but it wouldn't be a bad idea to keep trying the swaddle once every few days just to see if it will work, since it's worked for her before. i have gone back and forth with swaddling b/c he has gone through phases where it worked and phases where it didn't. so try to remain open to stuff you've already done. you never know when something you've tried, or a slight variation, will work for some reason.

the other thing that can sometimes be effective for us when my lo is acting the way you described: getting worked up and energetic when i try to nurse him down. once he is finished eating, it gets even worse sometimes b/c he wants to suck, but gets agitated with nursing. so i will lay him on me (chest to chest) and he will nurse, but i will sort of "bounce" him by putting my hand on his bottom and moving him up and down, and he moves with my skin. i don't know if i explained that right, but you probably know what i'm talking about. anyway, sometimes, just that extra comfort of being on me will allow him to calm down and go to sleep. if he still won't nurse, i will do the same thing with a pacificier. it makes him mad at first, but after a couple minutes, he calms down and falls asleep. after a while, maybe 20-30 minutes i can ease him off me and he will often stay asleep, especially if he's swaddled. but if he stirs a little, i can nurse him back down easily at that point, since he's already more or less asleep.

i don't know if any of this will help, but i tried. i know sometimes i think i've tried everything, then someone will offer a *slight* variation, and somehow it does the trick. hopefully you will find that in one of the responses to your question. good luck.

[Hannah32]

The Miracle Blanket works for my swaddle fighter. He sometimes can kick his legs out, but it's the arms that really woke him up and those do not move with the Miracle Blanket.

Hope you find something that works!

[1stTimeMama4-4-10]

Thanks for the responses! It's almost bed time and I'm a little scared, but I feel better knowing that this is such a common problem. After I posted, I read a bunch of other threads on similar issues, and it's clear that sleeping is a big issue for most people. I think it's probably related to developmental stuff going on (about to start crawling and sitting up) as well as the seemingly endless teething she is going through. We are going to do our best to just muscle through and keep trying out old stuff every night to see if something new works. We are also going to work on getting her to nap on her own in the crib because I think it will be easier for her to get a longer nap that way as well as more regular naps. Here's hoping it goes better tonight.

[mrs.t]

DS won't nurse down anymore either. He stopped around 4 mos, and I was at a complete loss. I tried bouncing, singing, nothing was working. He also stopped loving the swaddle at the same time. So I realized that he didn't want to comfort nurse anymore. Once he was done nursing, he would pull off the breast, but he still wanted to suck. I would basically put the pacifier in his mouth as soon as my nipple was out. He had NEVER taken the pacifier prior to this, he would gag if we gave it to him. Now he can't fall asleep without it. Sometimes, very rarely, he will nurse to sleep but the pacifier is his thing. He's very picky though, he only likes one kind of pacifier, so maybe try a few different shaped nipples.

Also, maybe your DD just isn't tired yet? I know if I try to put DS down before he is ready he fights it and gets really angry, and it has the potential to turn into a scream fest. Basically, I learned not to associate nursing with sleep anymore. If he is due to nurse around bedtime, I usually change him into his pajamas, turn off the overhead light and put the bedside lamp on, and nurse him. If he falls asleep, great. If not, I let him play on the bed while I lay with him or read or work on my laptop, and eventually he'll start showing his sleepy cues (rubbing eyes, yawning, etc.) and will fall asleep on his own. I sing him the same song every night, so if I see him getting tired I'll sing to him and he kind of gets the idea that it's bedtime. However, this does not happen at the same time every night. When I gave up trying to "put him to sleep" and just let it happen, it was much less stressful. Trust me, I used to swaddle, bounce, shush, swing, until I was exhausted and half the time he would still be crying when it was over.

Also, just want to throw it out there, but DS has a dairy intolerance and if I have eaten anything remotely dairy that day he has a horrid night. Also, if I eat broccoli he is a gas machine, which keeps him awake. Don't know if your LO is sensitive to anything but it might be worth looking into.