Need some advice or in other words...something's gotta give

[2goingon2]

So here's the scoop: hope it's not too long...I tend to get wordy.

19-almost-20-month old son wakes up sometimes 6-8 times a night. He sleeps in a crib (started at 17 months, up until then he slept beside me and was night weaned at 16 months) at the foot of my bed. My three year old son sleeps in a daybed that is beside mine.

Sometimes I can gently 'shh, shh, it's night-night" and he'll settle himself and other times I have to get up and pat him. Sometimes neither of those ideas work and I have to get him out of the crib and rock him in the recliner. He squirms, twists, fidgets, pinches...all the usual stuff and then when I think he's asleep, I put him back in the crib. Nine times out of ten...he starts to cry again and we start all over and I start to get fussy because I've been up every 30-45 minutes already. Oh and forget putting him back in bed with me. He kicks me, tosses and turns and ends up completely upside down in a matter of seconds. No matter how many times I readjust him. I'm also afraid he'll fall out of the bed. And...I just don't want to co-sleep anymore right now.

I did rock him to sleep and then put him in the crib when we moved him out of the big bed but I started thinking maybe he needed to go to sleep on his own. He does at daycare just fine. So, now I hold him, snuggle and rock until he's almost asleep...or when the fidgets, pinches and squirms start to slow and then I ease him in the crib. He will protest but I make sure the room is dark (seems to work better) and I pat him, then move to the recliner which is about 18 inches from the crib. I sit and tell him 'shh, shh, it's okay, it's night-night, lie down, etc" and the past two nights, he's drifted off to sleep quietly within 5-8 minutes of doing this. I stay in the room until I know he's really asleep.

BUT...he is still waking several times a night. Sometimes he disturbs my 3 year old. What has me really worried is I'm 27 weeks pregnant. I'm worried about when the new baby is here and is nursing 24/7 and in bed with me. I will have to disturb him to get out of bed to pat James down. Also, getting in and out of bed is starting to be a bad contortionist's act and it's wearing me out.

I work full time and have 3 other children in addition to little James and I'm exhausted.

Any advice?

[sahmmie]

What you are doing is very similar to the method Kim West teaches in her book, Good Night, Sleep Tight. It's how I taught my babies to sleep through the night. She has you gradually move further away from his crib (so move the recliner every couple of nights) until you are further and further away). At some point you'll be sitting in the hall outside of his bed. It's a weaning process so that he learns to fall asleep without you being right there beside him. I would suggest you get the book because you're already using some of her ideas, so I think you'll like the book and feel comfortable with her methods.

Some nights I had to get up dozens of times, but it was well worth it because it didn't take long and my babies were falling asleep alone and sleeping all night.

[Refuging]

Partner's help

Do you have a partner who could help you at night? It might not be ideal, but maybe you could sleep on the couch or somewhere else for awhile while your partner helps get your toddler back to sleep. If he sleeps okay at daycare, it might be your presence that keeps him awake and anxious. I know that my toddler goes back to sleep much faster when her dad goes to her than when I do. I would say it's really important for your sanity to have help. Also, it's important for the kids to see that they can turn to their other parent when they need help, rather than only relying on you. I'm somewhat in the same boat, but I've only got one child and I'm not pregnant. I don't know how you do it! I'm exhausted all the time.

[mamak2]

wow

Wow I feel for you! We have twins that are just over 18 mos now and our son is doing a lot of night waking for some reason. I think that my presence is not allowing him to fall back asleep on his own. He has been able to fall asleep on his own since about 11.5 mos. I have been getting him out of his crib and laying on the couch with him in order to keep him from waking his sister once he really gets wound up. I soothe him and we kinda just lay there until he seems settled and sleepy and then I put him back in his crib. Sometimes he fusses a little but not bad and tends to fall asleep pretty easily after that. Seems to me that he needed his naps adjusted and so I did that (no napping after 4pm with an 8pm sharp bedtime and no extra long naps) the past week has gone much better. I wonder if it is teeth coming in with our son or some kind of night dreaming and am trying to help him sort it out. In your case you cannot possibly have the time or energy!

Good luck to you. I can't imagine working full time, having 4 kids with one on the way and dealing with night waking. You must be pretty well experienced at this or maybe your other kids didn't experience night waking as toddlers. Good luck to you!

[Enudely]

We are having the same issues with our 20 month old. He wakes at LEAST every 2 hours, but starting at 4 a.m, it's way more than that.
Someone just suggested that he might do better in the other room, so I may try putting a pack n. play in the other room. I figure I'll just end up getting up and bringing him into my bed anyway, so what'st he point of making myself get out of bed?
Here's what we do, which sounds at least a little easier than what you're doing: His toddler bed is up against the wall, and our big bed is pushed all the way up against it. There's a big blanket rolled up in between our two beds to make the transition soft. When he wakes up, I try and pat him on the back (but I don't have to get out of bed, which I think is key), and usually end up bringing him into my bed where we both sleep fitfully for the rest of the night. Sometimes if I have my wits about me, I crawl down into his bed to put him back to sleep. Not saying I have much advice here because I am exhausted myself!
I also can't imagine working full time, being pregnant and having four other kids! Yowsers! remember to be gentle with yourself! s: