Perhaps I'm doing too much? Adjunct professor, Mom, & PhD student & pregnant...

[NokomisThree]

I'm super stressed out and don't have many outlets for venting, so here goes.

DP is out of work, so he's been full-time SAHP for our DS, who is a 29 months, and that's great. Since I'm the only one working, I pick up every class they throw at me. (I'm an adjunct professor for two community colleges - this semester I'm teaching 9 classes; I know, ridiculous right?) I've been teaching for over 5 years and am getting NOWHERE professionally, so when I got the opportunity to enroll in a PhD program, I jumped on it! (And honestly, the student loans will certainly help offset DP's unemployment.) While I'm only out of the house 3 days a week for face to face classes, I still feel some guilt over leaving DS. Mostly because even when I am home, the grading, class prep, reading and homework are CRAZY! Oh, did I mention that DP decided to go back to school too - since he can't get a job, he's gotta do something. Finally, let's add the last layer to this cake - I'm pregnant, due in late April.

Here's what I need. I need to hear that there are other parents out there who have even MORE to do than me. Seriously, people in my "social circle" actually says things like, "I was bored the other night so I...(fill in the blank with TV, movie, crotchet, cooking, etc.)

I can't even remember what it's like to feel boredom!

ok, thanx for listening
Mlisa

[Minxie]

My DS was a surprise during my last year of a BA degree; I was in the Honors program and taking some graduate level courses. I was already attending full-time and working full-time; my work thankfully allowed me to adjust my schedule so I could take morning classes. College was an hour's drive from where I worked, one way so I spent two (and sometimes more) hours just on the road.

I took off one semester so that I only had to work full-time and care for my infant son. Then I went back to attending full-time while working full-time and caring for my infant son as an older single mom. It sucks and it's hard but...it's worth it in the end.

[cakemama579]

Hugs to you nokomis. While I can't claim I am busier than you, I can definitely sympathize with your sense of being overwhelmed! Hopefully this pregnancy is being kind to you, at least, and you're not feeling sick constantly.

I don't have any advice for you, other than to try to give yourself a break with the guilt. Your DS is in good hands with your DH, and even if you are working, etc. when you are home a lot of the time, your mere presence is beneficial to your son, and he is getting a taste of reality-- moms and dads have to work sometimes! Your showing him a positive situation, in that you love him and work hard for his happiness, and the success of the family.

Good luck with everything. Some times in our lives feel crazy like this-- but being pregnant is only temporary, as is being in school. And if you can't hang in there, maybe find a way to cut back on one or two classes if at all possible.

[luv_my_babes]

I'm in a similar situation. I have three children, my last just born this past May (totally unexpected pregnancy ) and I am in my last year of my honours degree and I'm also working as a research assistant. DH stays at home with the baby while I go to class/work during the day, and then he works afternoons. I'm usually home by 3pm, just in time to get my older children from the school bus.
My day is so jam-packed with "stuff" that sometimes its overwhelming.
A typical day begins at about 6:30am and ends at around 10:30pm... but this is only Monday-Thurs as I have Friday and the weekend off.
I'm hoping that this hard work will all pay off in the future.
ETA: I'm in the process of (trying) to complete my honours thesis, but I am finding it difficult to manage my time well between work, three children, and other responsibilities. Its really frustrating sometimes.

[Magistra]

I don't know how you are managing 9 classes. Right now, I'm managing by letting things drop. Technically, this is my load right now: a .4 teaching position at a middle school (though it's taking much more than 16 hours a week since it's not in my primary field), my final course for my teacher's license, a 7-year-old with Asperger's, a 7-month-old who does not sleep, and finishing up my comps for my PhD. Oh, and my partner, who works full time plus from home, and I are tag-teaming for child care right now. I've done almost nothing on my PhD since the baby was born, my dog is desperate for attention, and my partner and I have a standing agreement that we neglect our relationship in the first year post-baby. Both of us are grabbing little bits of time to do work until pretty late at night.

As nice as it is to have my paycheck this year, we're looking for a babysitter and are willing to fork over the majority of my take-home just to get three or four hours a day to work without interruption.

[marinak1977]

OP I can totally emphasize with you. When I was pregnant with DS, I was trying to finish my PhD and find a job while getting nauseous all the way through my pregnancy. I had DS, wrote up my thesis, defended my PhD and started a new job all by the time he was 5 months old. I also have 3 dogs that are very active and require a lot of training (3 border collies that compete in agility). Currently I'm working 1.5 jobs, but thankfully no longer working on my degree. However DH is also working 1.5 jobs (or so) and is in need to finish his degree (he is ABD - all the data collected but needs to be analyzed and written up), we also have a mile long list of house projects that need to be done. I huge thing we finally did - used our pay raises to hire housecleaning to come every 2 weeks. It definitely made it easier.
Good luck and hang in there.

[Ekatherina]

am writing up my phD thesis, 7th year national conservatoire piano, vice president for charity organization, am preparing to start my own elementary school, teaching piano private and in a school twice a week, putting up a play for kids for x-mas, have a farm and homeschooling 2 kids and hoping to get pregnant......i think i forgot something....

[NokomisThree]

hahahahah - I love it, tell me more.

Reading everyone's responses is the most fun I've had this week! Thank you. Misery LOVES company!

[zubeldia]

Oh my, seriously, mama, just a LOT of sympathy. I'm a professor and chair of a department and I teach two classes and I barely function. My 14 month old ds doesn't sleep that well and I am up often every 40 minutes or so (we cosleep, though).

Lots and lots and lots of vibes that things get easier soon.

[*MamaJen*]

Nine classes? That's insane.
I'm a single mom to a two year old, a full-time graduate student in public policy, and I work "ten" (yeah right) hours per week as a reporter (I was the full-time managing editor until a couple months ago but stepped down to go back to school.) It's pretty insane. By being really scheduled and working super hard from 9-5 when DS is in daycare, I can get it all just about done. But I feel like if I have one really unproductive day or one week where a bunch of projects wind up stacking up, it could all go to hell.

[sparklett]

How on earth are you managing NINE classes??? Please say you have a TA.

I'm teaching 3 classes (2 @ community college, 1 @ university), manage a full-time job, in grad school, train for a marathon, run a small organization, volunteer in DS' classroom, and spend time with DH and DS.

Oh, and we just moved 1,000 miles and are adjusting to the new community.

One thing I have realized is that SOMETHING has to go. For me, I won't be teaching next quarter, but will probably pick it up again later. I have also restructured the leadership of the organization I manage so that other people share the responsibility. And I adamantly refuse to work 8-5, so I have a results-only work environment, instead. All of this has made life infinitely easier.

I don't know how you are doing all of that while pregnant. Can something... anything.... go by the wayside for awhile? Less courses next term? An extension or LOA on your PhD?

I'm with you- I don't recall what boredom is like.

[Ekatherina]

maybe as said before you can let something go......for me it's better to be super-occupied than bored but most of my things can be done at home with my kids around...this is the most important thing to me....my kids are used to me typing, practicing piano, reading, dancing etc...while ds is raising dd,,... good luck momma!!!!

[Carita]

you sound like me last year, except i was supposed to be working on a dissertation not taking classes as i was in my last year of PhD. yes, i was crazy. you are too. that's what makes us so special LOL

[Lizbiz]

I just wanted to chime in and say, I know people like all of you crazy ladies , but I'm not one of them. Not quite, anyway . It impresses me to no end what some people are capable of. I know one woman who gave birth to her fourth child and went back to law school classes two days later. I would have died if I had done that. I also now have a friend who just had her first baby (in a foreign country), is finishing a very challenging master's degree (complete with a thesis in a foreign language), and is also taking the LSAT and applying to law school this semester. That's nuts, but I have a lot of respect for her.

My life feels very very full - I work very full time and have two little kids. And that's all I do. That's all I CAN do just now. Partly because very full time means I work evenings and weekends a lot. My daughter isn't sleeping through the night yet, and that's holding my energy back too. I think about being pregnant right now and it makes me want to cry - but I absolutely want more kids. I feel like I work morning to night to hold it all together. I also work in a foreign language that I just started learning 3 years ago - so it sort of feels like I'm in school too . But not really - I actually wish I had more time to absorb what I'm learning on a daily basis. My brain cells don't soak it all up as well when I'm so go go go.

So - you're not alone - I did choose this (all the busy-ness) - the job was a good opportunity - but I would say I would not be this busy if I didn't have to be. But that's totally me! I hit a breaking point when I'm too busy - it doesn't work in my (or my family's) favor.

But then again, I also wouldn't necessarily choose to pass life by without taking a shot at the things that are important to me - which is why I totally respect all of you wonderwomen! Go get 'em!

[mks1014]

Oh dear...I'm so glad you posted!!

Here is what my life could be like:
Work FT mon-fri in a very relaxed, stress free, flexible job. My husband is a SAHD, so my 22 month is in very good hands. Granted, I wish I was SAH, but financially can't happen.

Here is what I am making my life be for the next 2 years:
FT work and RN student and mom and wife. CRAZY. Why, am I doing this to myself? I feel like I should just be happy with my laid back job and enjoy my family time. Nope, for some reason I feel like I must go to school now. What is wrong with me? So, this is possibly my future for the next 4 semesters (2 years)
mon-work
tue-work, school 5-8
wed-work, school 5-8
thur-clinicals
fri-work
sat- go into work to be there, but really study since i missed thur work
sun-only real day with my family

I'm really stressing about if I am doing the right thing at the wrong time. I thought once I found out I got into the program I would have some clarity, but I sure don't! Oh, and we still want another baby and I'm not getting any younger.