Homeschooling blues

[Lunaria]

Hello mamas,

Well this is my first time homeschooling and it isn't going so well. My dd is in grade 1 this year and just turned six a week ago. I also have a 3 1/2 year old and 16 month old.

The problem is my dd has told me she doesn't want to do school. She doesn't want to learn. Not homeschool and not public school, no school! Her attitude is so negative and it is hard to carry on like this. Even though we have a lot of fun(especially during math for some reason), I make it fun, it is only from 9am until 12am and we are pretty relaxed. She just huffs and sighs and lays her head down and says noooo school!!!! It is not easy for me to take the time to school her, but I was excited to do it. But she is taking the wind out of my sails and I feel like sending her to public school(which is actually not too bad in our rural area). She went to public kindy and I feel that's when her love of learning got smooshed. She just wasn't ready for all that pressure(and they focused on reading and writing and math not play). I am really discouraged and feel like I'm not doing something right. What do you guys think? Thanks!!!

Jenny

[greenmama]

she is sooo young

Everything she does is learning so just do fun things and don't waste your time teaching her that learning is boring (of course if you want to teach her that go ahead and send her to school.) Go for walks and point out plants and animals without specifically telling her that she is learning them-the littles will enjoy that too. Read to her... lots, but fun books that she enjoys- its not school, its a bedtime story or just because its fun. Count things with her. Make sure she has access to writing utensils (crayons) and paper... if you really want her to be working on how to hold them to prepare for writing, don't tell her she needs to use them, but you spend 15 minutes a day drawing in an area that she could grab one and join in with you.

Enjoy learning together.

[MamaHappy]

I agree with the pp! Before you do something drastic like send her back to ps, I would just take a break. Read books together, play games, go to plays, nature walks, etc. But I would take a break from the formal stuff for now. She probably needs to just decompress for awhile after kindergarten. Which leads me to my next question....

What are the things that she does like to do? Does she like to cook with you? You could incorporate a lot of math in that. Basically, I would take the things she likes to do and expand on that a little.

[Lillian J]

I agree with what's been suggested so far. Three hours is a very long time for 6 yr. old to be doing formal studies, even if you see it as relaxed. You say you both have a lot of fun, but she's obviously not having fun during those times that she's protesting and trying to make it all go away. But the good thing about all this is that it's absolutely not necessary to try to pack all that in.

Honestly, if she did nothing but play right now, she wouldn't really end up "behind" in anything by the time any of it began to matter some years in the future. I wish you could sit and talk with my grown son for a few minutes - I think you'd relax pretty fast - he didn't begin to learn letters or any of that till he was almost 7 and getting tutored to enter a 1st grade that would be expecting incoming students to be able to read 3 letter words. It took virtually no time to get him up to speed at that point, but if we'd been homeschooling, I wouldn't have rushed it even that much. Anyway, he bottom line is that he was welcomed by his college of choice, and his second choice, and he's a very competent, confident, and successful young adult who's always been a self-motivated learner - and isn't that all you're really wanting for her? My point is just that it helps to look a the big picture rather than getting caught up in the idea that a 6 yr. old has certain educational obligations to compete, and a 7 yr. old, 8 yr. old, etc. There are some things people need to learn as they grow up, but there's no timeline that's a necessity, and there isn't a certain set of work activities they need to go through in order to learn it all. learning can be very quick and simple when the time is right - it doesn't really require all those traditional classroom activities and repetition, quizzes, etc. I'd definitely think in terms of some happy and wholesome decompression/deschooling time, and keep an agenda out of your mind during tha time, a great investment.

If you just keep lots of interesting things moving through her life without making her sit there and do lessons, things will start to fall into place in due time - and there will even be lots of things you'll be able to include the little ones in, so it won't even feel as demanding as what you're doing now. She may say she doesn't "want to learn," but is really meaning she doesn't want to be put through the process of going about learning in that way - there are lots of effective ways to learn that don't involve formal lessons. If you think in terms of providing access to and facilitation for learning lots of things as she goes along, rather than in terms of "schooling" her, you'll probably both be a lot happier, and she'll be more open to exploring and learning in a more natural way that doesn't put you into a "teacher" and her into a "student" role. - Lillian

[SagMom]

Originally Posted by Lunaria

... it is only from 9am until 12am and we are pretty relaxed.

What do you do after noon? I'd stop doing the 9-12 routine and drop the teacher/student relationship. Just be her mom. Play games with her, read to her, go on outings, do arts and crafts projects, show her things you think she'll like, watch a movie together. It doesn't need to look like school to count as learning.

[Ruthiegirl]

These wise women have good words and I can only repeat what they have said -- Play. Play. Play.

Sidewalk chalk and games and walks to the park, lots of time to read together and talk, look at the trees, the bird, the plants, the sun, the stars....just play.

My 6 year old son does 1/2 hour of school work. He does one simple page of letters/numbers and a small Bob Book. We do this mostly because he has an older sister who sits down for more learning time. He is just getting the hang of sitting, holding a pencil, focusing on a page, learning to follow directions. Half an hour is plenty.

The rest of the day? He plays. We go the playground, we swim at the YMCA. He plays soccer, he plays with Legos, he helps in the kitchen, he plays with friends.

Have fun! This is an exciting time for you both. Enjoy it.

[hipumpkins]

In my area school cut offs are Oct 1st. I always felt very lucky for this even as a homeschooler b/c my DD's birthday is Oct 28th.
I am pointing this out b/c that 3 weeks has bought me and my DD time. So when all the 5 year olds were going to school she technically would not have been going even if she were going.
At 6 my DD would not have been able to comply with that 3 hour morning routine at all.
If you think of your daughter in terms of how young she is , many boys are held out of kindy and will only enter at your daughter's age this will alleviate so much of that pressure to do something.
Even now my DD will turn 8 shortly and we only do a about 2 hours of anything that resembles school all day and even that isn't in a row.
We have list of what needs to be done and that it needs be done that day...at some point.
So maybe loosen the reigns and break up the day.
Good luck!!

[phathui5]

I wouldn't try too hard to do "school" from 9-12. Just sprinkle it in throughout the day. Sit on the couch and read to her. Ask her to read to you. Go to the library. Play math games on the computer.

At this point for her, I would care more about helping her like learning than making sure she learns anything specific.

[zebrachick83]

Originally Posted by Ruthiegirl

My 6 year old son does 1/2 hour of school work. He does one simple page of letters/numbers and a small Bob Book. We do this mostly because he has an older sister who sits down for more learning time. He is just getting the hang of sitting, holding a pencil, focusing on a page, learning to follow directions. Half an hour is plenty.

Yes. Half an hour of structured work for my first grader too. She reads and writes on her own a ton, we read history storybooks together and we sit down to do Math, Spelling and Grammar for 30 minutes a day. Like you, I have two younger ones too, so that's about all they can handle as well.

[sweetmama3]

Originally Posted by phathui5

I wouldn't try too hard to do "school" from 9-12. Just sprinkle it in throughout the day. Sit on the couch and read to her. Ask her to read to you. Go to the library. Play math games on the computer.

At this point for her, I would care more about helping her like learning than making sure she learns anything specific.

This for sure. My DS and I have struggled for the last month and a half trying to get school right. I was trying to follow too much structure, and he would get so burned out, and so would I. He was acting the same way your daughter was.
Well, just in the last week, I think I am finally doing something right. I took out the Sing Spell Read and Write, which he HATED and have started reading ALOT, we do Right Start Math(which from another thread doesn't sound too good), but DS loves it. I think it is all the hands on he loves. Also, we have started doing lapbooks from homeschool share. We just did the story Owl Babies, and learned all about the sound "OW", (or for basic letters could be letter "O")nocturnal animals, the diets of owls, and other big birds, and the whole time, he didnt even think he was learning! He loved putting together the lapbook, which (Excuse me) shocked the hell outta me. I didn't think he was going to be into it to tell the truth.

He said he liked doing a "project".
If you want to try go to homeschoolshare.com. tons of unit studies and lapbooks for free for different age levels.
Good luck, eventually you will get it right, and find something she loves..

[Lunaria]

We're going to give hs another go

First of all I just want to say a huge thank you for taking the time to respond and to give me ideas and encouragement! I feel like a big weight has been lifted just knowing I'm not alone and that there is hope for us to continue homeschooling.

So, we are going to try this; we will do about 1 hr or less of formal school in the morning. She seems to love math(we're doing math mammoth), and we end up having a really good time doing that. Then we will work on phonics a bit, sight word practise and writing practise. I will do as you all suggested and just fit other things into our day. Mosty just reading good literature(but I'll let her choose from our selection), getting her to read simple books to me(she is at the very beginning stages of reading), and incorporating science during our time outside and silly experiments(she loves doing this!). I'd also like to do more arts and crafts because she is very artsy and more cooking/baking(we both love to do this!).

I want learning to be fun for her. She used to love learning, but since she went to kindy it seems to have disappeared She was barely 5 when she started, and she would leave on the bus at 7:50am and not get home until 1:50pm. She said she didn't like school because there was too much pressure, and it was too hard. Yet I know she is a very bright girl. I think they pushed her too hard too fast and now she thinks learning is no fun I wish I would've pulled her out of school then, but I told her that since she made the choice to go that she had to stick with it until the end of the year

I believe that children learn through play, yet I feel so much pressure to make sure she keeps up with other kids her age. That we have something to 'show' for our homeschooling year. I am afraid of not teaching her well enough, of being too lax and not giving her the education she deserves....

We started off with the Charlotte Mason approach and got some amazing literature. And she loves books and being read to...yet these books she mostly finds to be too hard to understand. She has no patience to listen to me read from them. So I think I'll start with literature that is still good quality but that isn't so hard to understand. And we'll keep the formal schooling very light and without pressure. What do you all think? I think because this is my first time doing this that a lot of it is just overcoming my own doubts.

Jenny

[sweetmama3]

Originally Posted by Lunaria

We started off with the Charlotte Mason approach and got some amazing literature. And she loves books and being read to...yet these books she mostly finds to be too hard to understand. She has no patience to listen to me read from them. So I think I'll start with literature that is still good quality but that isn't so hard to understand. And we'll keep the formal schooling very light and without pressure. What do you all think? I think because this is my first time doing this that a lot of it is just overcoming my own doubts.

Jenny

Have you ever looked at the Sonlight packages? I have never bought them, but love looking at their website for ideas for good literature. Even the books in the 3/4 year old package might appeal to her. Lots of good stories. I have bought many of them used on amazon for very cheap, or rented them from the library.

[madis81]

I could have written your post, only my DD went to a pt homeschool enrichment program that she HATED! My DD is about the same age and in first grade. When it comes to learning at home she lays her head on the table and cries about doing her work. Perhaps I need to RELAX a little.

[Lisa1970]

AT her age, most things should be hands on and moving around and working on sensory processing and fine motor and so on. Plus, in most states, she would still be a kindergartener. I am not sure what you are trying to get her to do, but I would suggest stop calling whatever it is "school" and find a more fun and interesting approach.

Hope that help!

[karanyavel]

Had the same problem with my DD (also a newly minted six y/o). We wound up with a bit of an oddball approach.

We spend roughly 30 minutes a day on direct instruction for a few of the basics and things that I've noticed she has a bit of a gap in (compared to the rest of her knowledge). Basically, we do handwriting, grammar, composition and math (not all four every day). Then she gets a 5 1/2 hour stretch to do *anything* that might reasonably be considered educational, which for us means no "just for fun" computer games (which she plays a TON of outside school hours) and no "just for fun" videos (most cartoons, etc.)

I noticed a huge turnaround and now she grumbles if I take too long to get ready for school! Some of the activities -- those she likes the best -- really do require supervision or she could just go ahead on her own. We've gone way outside the typical for 1st graders to meet her interests, too (note that she is gifted) so we're doing things like real dissections, using a microscope, preparing slides, etc. She also reads a lot and watches educational videos, does art projects, listens to music, has discussions with me, etc.

It worked out great for us. I try to keep a "menu" on hand of all of the activities I can think of that we could do (with a star next to the required ones) and she has a blast. HTH.

--K

[cmoma]

Originally Posted by Lunaria

I want learning to be fun for her. She used to love learning, but since she went to kindy it seems to have disappeared She was barely 5 when she started, and she would leave on the bus at 7:50am and not get home until 1:50pm. She said she didn't like school because there was too much pressure, and it was too hard. Yet I know she is a very bright girl. I think they pushed her too hard too fast and now she thinks learning is no fun I wish I would've pulled her out of school then, but I told her that since she made the choice to go that she had to stick with it until the end of the year

I believe that children learn through play, yet I feel so much pressure to make sure she keeps up with other kids her age. That we have something to 'show' for our homeschooling year. I am afraid of not teaching her well enough, of being too lax and not giving her the education she deserves....
Jenny

I am going through this now with my son...except in Kindy he wasn't pushed at all and he was bored and struggled with being away all day 8:30 to 3:30!
His intense desire to learn has disipated and I am trying to do what I can to get it back.

I too struggle with being too lax and on the flip being too structured..I am currently trying to find the balance between the too...not easy but completely neccessary!

Good luck and there is a lot of great advice here!!

[Callimom]

Originally Posted by Lunaria

I want learning to be fun for her. She used to love learning, but since she went to kindy it seems to have disappeared She was barely 5 when she started, and she would leave on the bus at 7:50am and not get home until 1:50pm. She said she didn't like school because there was too much pressure, and it was too hard. Yet I know she is a very bright girl. I think they pushed her too hard too fast and now she thinks learning is no fun I wish I would've pulled her out of school then, but I told her that since she made the choice to go that she had to stick with it until the end of the year

I believe that children learn through play, yet I feel so much pressure to make sure she keeps up with other kids her age. That we have something to 'show' for our homeschooling year. I am afraid of not teaching her well enough, of being too lax and not giving her the education she deserves....

We started off with the Charlotte Mason approach and got some amazing literature. And she loves books and being read to...yet these books she mostly finds to be too hard to understand. She has no patience to listen to me read from them. So I think I'll start with literature that is still good quality but that isn't so hard to understand. And we'll keep the formal schooling very light and without pressure. What do you all think? I think because this is my first time doing this that a lot of it is just overcoming my own doubts.

Jenny

Hi Jenny

I highly recommend starting some kind of journalling process - a scrap book, a blog, etc that can help you "have something to show" for your time. It will do a couple of things - it gives you something tangible to look back on, it increases your powers of observation about all the learning that is happening and it turns into a wonderful reminder of what "fun" learning looks like.

Learning at this stage is so much about exposure to lay the groundwork for future connections.

I also wouldn't get too hung up on the "literature" component. There are some fantastic picture books and non fiction books and really wonderful stories that don't fall under that category. For example my kids have just finished reading/listening to some Dear Canadian stories - definitely not great literature although some of them are quite well written but they have their place because of the historical fiction context.

I'd also suggest that you write down your educational goals and distill it down to a few really important elements so they can guide your day. So for example the list for our family includes goals around literacy and numeracy skills, developing critical thinking and analysis skills, a contextual approach to learning, integrating our family values of volunteering and activism, an appreciation for arts and nature and the ability to be an informed citizen.
I have a mind map of this on my daytimer now and it helps me pay attention to what really matters when we are figuring out our time.
hth
Karen

[425lisamarie]

Sounds like you're one fine mama and homeschooler. I've been through this too. We HS"d kinder, then started the wava k-12 program which is likle an online public school basically. J HATED any form of learning or school for like a few weeks.

It's so hard sometimes to not need the "proof on paper" but ever since I gave up all the "work load" we are back to loving it. I totally feel what you said about needing to keep up and have proof. The proof is when they apply what they know in the world. We do explode the code online because he has his own laptop and he feels very grown up that way, and we also do Math Mammoth which we LOVE. I've actually been taking some of the concepts from further in the 1st grade coarse and mixing it up a little, then going back to the older pages. It's keeping him interested.

I remember reading something here that stuck and a mama said something like "they have so much enrichment as an organic part of your day...." and it's true. Kids in school spend a lot of time waiting, setting up, sittin around just doing that ONE worksheet or activity. We are able to give that one on one so it takes very little time.

I love that DS can read ANYTHING like all the directions yesterday on the bag of soil and compost we used to plant the Camelia, or follow, read and assemble intense directions that even I have a hard time with LOL. Or with math he can acctually apply his logic when doing things with dad.

I constantly have compliments from parents how bright, friendly, and well mannered my kids are. They are always the ones being helpful,logical, reading the directions for the other kids, etc. That is all the proof I need now I don't know a lot of homeschooling families, just a couple and it's hard to get together much, so I struggle with the comparisons sometimes making sure I am not missing something in their education.

[PGTlatte]

IMO 3 hrs a day is way too much for the "focused school" stuff. I would take it down to ten minutes per day of focused "school time", and let her pick the subject. Just ten minutes may not sound like enough time to accomplish anything "academic", but it is amazing how much can be covered in ten minutes with a child who has bought into the process and will really focus and work for that long. For our son, it motivated him to pick the subject, and know that if he really paid attention and interacted with me for just ten minutes, he was free to play. Anyway, that is where I started, and worked up from there. Now he is 7.5 and does 20 minutes at a time, 2-4 times per day. His short sessions are very productive because he is motivated by them being short. He spends the rest of his time with his brother, doing "experiments", watching educational DVDs from the library, art, games, finding creative uses for the math manipulatives, exploring various things in the back yard, etc. I'm hoping to add board games and listening to me read over the winter. I do put a high priority on sit-down written school work, but time-wise it's a very small part of our day. There is lots to do that is important besides formal school work. That's why I want him at home - so he has time to do the other stuff

[Lunaria]

You guys are awesome

Thank you for all your encouragement and advice! This morning I woke up feeling excited to be a homeschooling family. What a difference to last week. Hearing that you all agreed that 3 straight hours of school is too much at this age really reinforced my own feelings about this. We are now trying two 1/2 hr blocks of 'school' a day. We will be focusing on math(thankfully she loves it so far), and reading. Throughout the day I'll 'sneak' in me reading to her, baking/cooking, nature observation(we start every day outside anyway), art appreciation/crafts, science experiments and I'd like to do some geography online. Does anyone know of a good free resource for geography for kids this age? I want it to be fun. We just recently discovered starfall for phonics/reading practise and she loved it so much she read the first 3 books all in one sitting. I had to make her stop! It was great to see her have so much fun I haven't tried Sonlight, but I've heard good things about it. We are maxed out on budget right now though, but I'll definitely be checking this out for next year.

I love the idea of keeping a journel or blog of our homeschooling journey. I started a blog awhile ago but have since neglected it(such is the way of all my journeling attempts). But I think it would really help me see how much she is learning and help me make goals for things to work on. Oh, I love that idea too. Karen-your family values and goals sound very similar to ours. Would you mind sharing more specifically what it looks like to make daily goals to help incorporate these things into a daily plan?

Thank you so much for helping me. It is so good to know that everything is going to be alright. And to be reminded to focus on her and how she learns best than try to push her to be doing what 'other kids her age are doing.' She is doing so much more just by being in a natural environment where she can learn life skills as well as academic ones. I will keep you all updated how it goes this week

Jenny