Feel like I have made the wrong decision..... - Page 2

[blsilva]

Originally Posted by Catherine12

For the second, I think you need to decide what you want your hsing to look like. Not by comparing yourself to others, but with what you think would be best for your dd. Maybe you'll find you want to add something, or maybe you'll realize that you're happy with what you're doing now. I agree with pps that confidence is important.

I totally agree with this. How often you get out depends on your dd and you, and can be different for every family, or even different for the same family at different times. My 2 boys are both reasonably social, but they don't even want to go somewhere every day. Some weeks they seem to need to get out more than others, but mostly, a couple relaxed outings a week, with some bigger stuff thrown in every so often, is enough.

As for your neighbors' opinions, they are obviously not as important as your own. They don't know your dd, or your situation, as well as you do, so they don't really get a vote If you want to change their opinions, because they are friends, simply being confident and happy with what *you* have decided can go a long way towards this.

[SubliminalDarkness]

I'm not a homeschooler/unschooler, so forgive me for butting in here, but....

OP, are YOU feeling like you made the wrong decision, or are other people telling you that you did? Because unless it's your feeling, I wouldn't worry about it. You know your child. You know if what you're doing is a good thing for her. Ignore the naysayers. Especially the people you KNOW to be negative to begin with(like your friend).

[mattemma04]

I don't think you are doing anything bad except maybe you need to avoid or nip the negative comments from neighbors and friends.Those comments in front of your children are not healthy for your kids.Plus they are not healthy for you either.

I did not go places every day either when I had the kids at home for hs.My kids tried PS and are currently in Montessori.They have school friends.None of the kids have ever come over(well ok one did one time),nor did they get invited to anyones home. Same goes for ps unless you count birthday parties.They have one good friend who is the son of one of my co-workers,and they only see him in the summer.Friends you can make anywhere at anytime.School does not equal guaranteed friends.In fact school can sometimes be a very lonely place.

As for the younger reader books that older kids read I say be happy a kid is even reading!Seems like it is such a contest these days to see whose kid can do more(and better) than the next kid.Some parents really look forward to sending their kids to school so they can have a bit of peace.

I guess it really does not matter what their reasons are for THEIR kids,but pushing it on YOU and yours is VERY wrong.Nip it in the bud somehow or just avoid them.I know that can be tough in neighborhood situations,but it may happen anyway once the other kids are in school.

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by zebrachick83

ITA with this, but I'd add other homeschoolers to the list of people who shouldn't tell you how to hs. Sometimes other HS mamas can be a little judgey too about what curriculum you're using, what method, what reading level your child is on, etc. Everyone has their own approach and everyone has different kids with different needs. As long as your dc are happy and learning, it doesn't matter where it's at.

Originally Posted by Kindermama

I think you should take the focus off of what other people are doing for their families (which may or may work for them) and stop comparing your mothering to theirs. Out of the insecurity comes judgment. That only hurts you and your friendships. Let them say what they say. You can't change someone else's view. You have to come to a place within yourself where you trust your choice (to the point that a well-meaning comment doesn't sway you). Your kids will be happy if you're happy! Homeschooling will be successful if you have a positive outlook!

And

You sound like you really just need to have more... I don't know... SOMEthing that makes you feel so convicted about hsing that nobody can undermine your confidence like that--especially a non-hser (but agreed, add other hs-ers to the list).

And part of the reason we hs is because I don't want my 6yo pushed at the pace they push the 5yos in Kindy. So if the Kindy kid is "so advanced" by comparison, then hsing worked for us!

Some people fare really well running around and some really just don't. I fell to the criticism of another friend and hser who told me we were "overscheduled". So I stopped. And life fell apart for us.

Different strokes for different folks. Said "friend" couldn't let it go and refused to believe that anyone functioned better that way. And she is, sadly, no longer someone we spend much time with. It happens.

[mama to 2 girls]

Very true....I don't ever try to be judgmental towards other people, my favorite saying is "to each his own".....But I guess the word I would use is defensive, for how I feel when people come up to me and say...for example (my neighbor 2 doors down said last week) "I know you have your HS group playdates every Friday but I just think that the kids end up fighting too much and are just plain grumpy if we don't do something *everyday*". So if I say "Well, I just don't think it's right running the kids around everyday and not giving them any "down" time", I am not trying to be judgmental just getting defensive because I feel that my kids are just fine if they don't get out to go somewhere everyday. It might work fine for your kids but mine don't need that. I don't ever go up to her and say, don't you think your kids might like to just stay home every once in a while.

I know my dd's enjoy playing with this neighbors 4 1/2 yr old but I think I can't handle anymore of her comments.

As far as curriculum goes we just wing it....I don't ever let anyone get to me in that department. I know my kids are learning because they prove it to me every day in amazing ways, that sometimes surprise me. I just don't like people making me feel bad for keeping my kids at home.

[waiflywaif]

So if I say "Well, I just don't think it's right running the kids around everyday and not giving them any "down" time", I am not trying to be judgmental just getting defensive because I feel that my kids are just fine if they don't get out to go somewhere everyday.

Mmmm no, not quite. If you said, "My kids are pretty happy staying home most days, they need lots of down time" that would be a neutral, non-judgmental statement. The moment you say "I don't think it's right" you've changed the whole dynamic.

[mama to 2 girls]

If I was talking about MY kids then I don't believe it is. I think it would be horrible if I walked up to her and said, I just don't think it's right that you haul your kids all over, not letting them have any down time. That is her choice. Everyone has their own thoughts on things and opinions. I don't believe you posted anything else on this thread, why would you pick a certain part that isn't even the purpose of the thread only to criticize it? I don't ever look down on my friends for what they do, I might not agree with it but I let it go because they have other qualities that outweigh those things. And I am sure the same can be said about myself. It is those couple of people that I have to hear it from them everytime I see them that I need to start distancing myself from. Those are the ones that make it hard for me to keep from defending the choices I have made.

You can reply if you like but I won't be replying because I don't want to turn this into a debate. You have your opinion and I have mine.