Starting Preschool Anxiety- need Help!

[norasmommy]

My 3 1/2 yo DD has just started preschool for the 1st time. I have been home with her up until now she has never really been away from us for any extended period of time. We started her off slowly, the preschool is only twice a week for 3 hours each time. The couple days she was fine when I dropped her off, but this week (so her 3rd and 4th time going) she has cried and screamed and kept telling me that she did not want to go. I definitely do not think that anything happened at school and I feel very comfortable with the teachers there, but I think she is adjusting to being around so many other children and being away from her parents really for the 1st time.

She has also had moods lately where she kind of shuts down and does not want to talk and pouts a lot. I would consider her a strong willed child, and in general she is outgoing, but recently she has been acting up more than usual. We have a 4 month old son, so I think that partially she is adjusting to no longer being an only child, and maybe it is just her age/phase as well. I'm just worried about what to do about preschool if she continues to cry and tell us she does not want to go.

I signed her up for it because I felt that it would be good for her to have more of a routine, and interact with other children more. I really thought she would have fun. Now however, I'm not sure if I should keep forcing her to go or if I should take her out and wait til she's 4 or so. Although the same thing may happen then as well.

Has anyone experienced this? Does anyone have any advice on preschool woes? I'm not sure if there is anything I could do/say to help her transition. Thanks for reading!

[jillmamma]

Do you have a class list? I found it helped my DD adjust when I arranged a playdate outside of school for her with another child...at least then there was a friend already there.
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[lauren]

I have noticed that some children go through different phases--they are excited to go because it is something new. Then they realize as the newness wears off, that this is 'for real' not just a short term thing. They think about some of the things they'd rather be doing (such as staying home with mom) and they suddenly don't want to go. If it is important to you and your family that she go, sticking it out through this phase may be a good thing. If she is strong willed it may be good for her to see that you can compassionately support her in sticking with something that has been started. I'm kind of a believer that if it's a good program and they are warm and supportive, that kids can learn that they can go through something that is a little bit hard, and get to the other side of it. She may need extra support at home, though, because school is a big adjustment. Extra snuggles and reading time, etc., might help her a lot. You're doing a lot though with the new baby and everything. It's a challenging time for your whole family I'm sure.

[LovelyNJ]

I could have written this a week ago! We were in the exact same situation with my just turned 3 year old son. His classes were 3 days a week for 3 hrs at a local catholic preschool. We just moved and my husband started law school, so lots of change too. In addition my son is the most stubborn child I have ever seen, although very sweet!
He was getting some serious anxiety and having accidents, wanted me to sleep in bed with him, needing to be in control all the time.
He was ok the first few days and never cried when I dropped him off. Only later he would become upset. Then they called me a few times to come get him, and then had me come and stay for a day and try to leave him for a few min. at a time and it didnt work-I will try again somewhere else in Jan. The school was nice but I don't think he was ready. He is getting back to his normal self now thank goodness.
I don't know if I did the right thing or not honestly but were doing more playdates, library, nature programs etc. which he likes. Hopefully I'll be able to leave him with other people (the Y, Wegmans, friends etc.) like I used to before all this, because I need a break sometimes. Good luck!!!

[Emmeline II]

Unless you need her in care for a particular reason, I'd consider letting her stay home--I don't see the point in trying to convey the life lesson "sometimes you have to struggle through something tough to come out the other side" to a 3 1/2 year old who doesn't "have to."

Perhaps you could try again after the holidays or even next year.

When dd was that age I started her in dance class; it was an hour, 1 day a week, and I was present the whole time.

[Owen'nZoe]

You know, this sounds totally normal to me. Both my kids went through the same when transitioning to preschool.It is hard, but there is a payoff. They both loved preschool after the initial adjustment phase - they made tons of friends, developed really strong relationships with their teachers, and learned all sorts of things they never would have learned at home with me, simply because their teachers had different interests than I do.

If you feel comfortable with the school and your plan, I'd say stick with it a bit longer. Consider giving her a security item at school (we did kissing hands and a worry stone in the pocket). And just be extra patient with her at home. We went through a really frustrating month of my sons acting out and pushing boundaries at home during the first month or so of preschool - and then again when my older son started kindergarten. It is incredibly common, and it does get better.

[HappyMommy2]

I was just talking to another mom about this at pre-school dropoff when my super-social son had a total meltdown. He loved the first few weeks, then just lost it one day at drop-off. He did it again one day the following week. This week has been great so far. And whenever anybody asks him about school, he says fabulously positive things about it.

The other mom had 4 kids, and said that she finds that by Thanksgiving, they are in their routine.

Good luck with your decision, mama!

[bartleby]

Subbing. I am having some challenges with my kindergartener these days that are similar. It's her fourth week of school and it is only now that she is crying and clinging to me at drop-off. It's really hard! It is difficult for me to relax or focus at home when I am thinking about her being sad (possibly) at school. Breaks my heart.

It is helpful to know that this is not uncommon. Generally, she has good things to say about school.

To the OP: Would the teachers support you in staying with her for some of the day, then gradually leaving her for longer periods? My daughter's preschool did this, and it was very helpful with the separation challenges we were having. I would bring her to school, the teacher would help us say goodbye (this did involve tears usually), and then the teacher would tell my daughter that she would see me at X time (outdoor time, circle time). I'd be gone for maybe an hour, then come back for the rest of the time. Then the time increased little by little.

Not sure if that would work with your little one, but our old preschool was a co-op and they were well set up for having families and babies around.