Bedtime can't take an hour anymore - Page 2

[LadyCatherine185]

Originally Posted by justKate

AFWife, I am LadyCatherine's biggest fan. She knows whats up.

haha thanks, you made my day!

We too had to do the hold down thing, but we had to do it from the beginning (maybe starting around 3-4 months old?). I used to do it in the rocker, I'd hold him really tight and rock him as fast as I could. Around 9 months old I "weaned" him from the rocker (he was getting so big and it was getting more difficult to hold him and I was so burnt out on holding him while he screamed) by nursing him on the bed, and then when he would start fidgeting/rolling around I called DH in. DH walked him around the room and he went right to sleep without crying in MINUTES the first time. We were amazed. So we kept up that routine, and DH went from having to walk him around, to being able to sit on the bed and hold him (he still cried a little) and at about 18 months old or so he stopped crying to sleep. We had to change up the bedtime routine around 19/20 months as we were in the process of nightweaning and slowly weaning (just finished weaning a few weeks ago) and I needed him to stop associating nursing and sleep. Once we weren't nursing for bedtime/naps anymore, I had to start rocking him for naps again (and night when DH is out of town) but he doesn't fight it anymore. If he starts fighting it, I just threaten to leave the room.. He needs us to be firm when it comes to sleep, or he won't go to sleep.

I really think you need to try something new, and it might take awhile to stick, but if what you're doing isn't working for any of you, you'll have to give it a shot.

Oh, and the book Sleepless in America really helped us out a lot.

One last thought, is he teething?

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185

One last thought, is he teething?

He *just* popped a new molar...but I can't see any other ones so I don't want to medicate him unless I'm sure (and Advil is the only thing that works)

He mostly wants to talk...he's not really verbal yet so I'm thinking he might be practicing. AND he doesn't like to sleep because he knows Daddy will be gone when he wakes up. So I'm thinking that Sleep = Daddy Gone in his mind.

[LadyCatherine185]

we got really "lucky" and nightweaned between canines and 2 year molars. It just worked out that he had all his teeth when I got pregnant, and then after nightweaning he started getting his 2 year molars. I will say, teething always affected Liam's going-to-sleep as well as nightwakings. Once all of his 2 year molars finished coming in (about 2 months ago) he started STTN every night.

I would not medicate him either.. it never really helped Liam.. just keep it in mind because that can make it a lot harder on him to go to sleep.

My biggest suggestion-- start a routine for your day that includes going to sleep at the same time. start quiet play and low lighting an hour before bedtime. start a bedtime routine. be firm, hold him or lay him back down when he gets up, and constantly remind him "time to sleep, you need to be quiet" while he is falling asleep. It will probably take about 2 weeks to work, but it should. Have you thought of moving him to his own bed? Does he STTN?

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185

My biggest suggestion-- start a routine for your day that includes going to sleep at the same time. start quiet play and low lighting an hour before bedtime. start a bedtime routine. be firm, hold him or lay him back down when he gets up, and constantly remind him "time to sleep, you need to be quiet" while he is falling asleep. It will probably take about 2 weeks to work, but it should. Have you thought of moving him to his own bed? Does he STTN?

We were going to see if he'd even sleep by himself starting next week (DH likes to start new things at the start of a new week) The last few times we tried he wouldn't...But yes, when someone is with him he STTN. (Well, recently he wakes up to chat once or twice...)

[lotus.blossom]

I get your point about sitting still, but the rocker really lulls them to sleep. Its worth a try! I did it right up until a couple weeks before I gave birth to my second. Trust me, you are going to want a reliable routine in place by the time #2 arrives!

Another thing that struck me......does he fall asleep in the car or stroller? is it possible for you to do what we affectionately called a "snooze cruise?" That was the only way to get ds1 to nap after about 18 months.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by lotus.blossom

Another thing that struck me......does he fall asleep in the car or stroller? is it possible for you to do what we affectionately called a "snooze cruise?" That was the only way to get ds1 to nap after about 18 months.

He does but it never seems restful (like, he can sleep for most of a 2-4 hour carride and still seem tired)

[provocativa]

Just food for thought: the nutritional deficiencies involved in insomnia are vitamin D3, magnesium, calcium, and vitamin B6 (though most Americans need to supplement a b complex). Tryptophan (or 5-htp can help, too). The adage is mag. to fall asleep, cal to stay asleep. The D3 is necessary for mag and cal absorbtion and the B6 for melatonin production. Mag citrate or glycinate is most absorbable, mag oxide is useless, D3 is best as cholecalciferol rather than ergocalciferol; the b complex is better taken in the morning. I gave my littles Bluebonnet liquid cal/mag/d- it only has safe ingredients. They loved the blueberry. I have to take D3, B's, cal and mag citrates to get a good night's sleep- and no, there is not enough in your prenatal or his kid's vitamin. I also often take homeopathic sepia, for 'mind racing-inability to sleep' or for pms. Hyland's also makes two Calms formulas, which helped my kids: Hylands Calms Kids and Calms Forte. The Forte helped them fall asleep faster, but the Kids formula has Pulsatilla which is good for molars. Taking these supplements reversed my lifelong insomnia- we only use the Hyland's now on rough nights. The minerals are best given awhile before bedtime. Oh, and if you want to re-set his biological clock as Thyra suggested, it is best to get him outside as early as possible- it is early light in addition to early waking that sets the diurnal cycle.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by AFWife

justKate: We've tried the holding him down thing (I was hesitant to mention that...thank you!) but he gets much more violent when he's being restrained. We've both walked away with fat lips and scratched faces before...and I can't handle being kicked in the stomach right now. We've been doing the "roll away and ignore" but we still end up just waiting him out until he gets tired and sleeps...

I here you on the pregnancy stuff mama! Does he still like to be rocked/nursed/white noised to sleep? TBH, we do a late, late bed time in our house. It's just not worth the struggle right now.

[mckittre]

I've been having similar problems with my 19 month old. It's 9:30PM and my husband has been trying to put him to sleep for the last hour. AND he didn't nap today or yesterday. I'm tempted to give up and see if he will eventually crash due to sheer exhaustion.

I'm 29 weeks pregnant and can't nurse comfortably for long enough to put him to sleep. It wasn't always such a problem though! Nurse, bedtime routine, than dad sings him songs to sleep. He sleeps on a mat on our floor (a fairly recent development, but he was fine with it a couple weeks ago). Now he just won't go to sleep for either one of us. We spend all evening trying, and end up getting him down at 11PM...

[Essie]

i can relate! esp. to the part about dh coming home later and then ds getting all revved up by it. dh had class 2x per week and the same thing would happen with us. Finally, I told dh, just be really quiet when you come in b/c it's easier if ds doesn't know you are home. It was hard to say but he understood and you know what? it helped!

I would also ask, when does ds wake up in the am? we had the same prob and ds would sleep later in the am. We thought it was great but then realized that we needed to wake him early so he would be more tired at night!

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by AFWife

He *just* popped a new molar...but I can't see any other ones so I don't want to medicate him unless I'm sure (and Advil is the only thing that works)

He mostly wants to talk...he's not really verbal yet so I'm thinking he might be practicing. AND he doesn't like to sleep because he knows Daddy will be gone when he wakes up. So I'm thinking that Sleep = Daddy Gone in his mind.

I totally understand not wanting to medicate unless you're sure - but could you try one night? Those molars are pure HE!! - my ds was teething with molars for over a month! He's working on his 2yo molars right now, and they are miserable. The nights I give him some motrin (even just a half dose) he goes right out after it kicks in - and his gums don't look swollen, but I KNOW thats the problem.

[AFWife]

Just a note that we're weaned...I lost my milk a few months in to my pregnancy...

Originally Posted by Essie

I would also ask, when does ds wake up in the am? we had the same prob and ds would sleep later in the am. We thought it was great but then realized that we needed to wake him early so he would be more tired at night!

8am...unless he's up late the night before (like, last weekend we had a party and he was up without a nap until almost 10pm...he slept until 9am the next morning)

Originally Posted by thyra

I totally understand not wanting to medicate unless you're sure - but could you try one night? Those molars are pure HE!! - my ds was teething with molars for over a month! He's working on his 2yo molars right now, and they are miserable. The nights I give him some motrin (even just a half dose) he goes right out after it kicks in - and his gums don't look swollen, but I KNOW thats the problem.

I gave him some yesterday afternoon in hopes that teething pain was part of the terrible attitude he had...it did nothing. He pops teeth FAST (like, in a few days) so I won't know until it's a problem...

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by AFWife

I gave him some yesterday afternoon in hopes that teething pain was part of the terrible attitude he had...it did nothing. He pops teeth FAST (like, in a few days) so I won't know until it's a problem...

Oh. Well, it was worth a shot.

Just remember, anything you try will most likely NOT work the first night. It will probably take a week or 2 of a super consistent routine to get him on track with it.

[seafox]

my son has always been a difficult sleeper - and also basically needs to be immobilized to fall asleep. (I've watched him 'try' to fall asleep, its hysterical, he tosses and turns every second and won't stay still enough to do it, even when he's exhausted)

for the first 10 months or so we'd hold him tight and bounce him on the ball until he fell asleep. As he approached 1 year he got older and heavier, and we'd wrap him and bounce. Then bouncing just wasn't interesting enough anymore, so now we wrap him (wear him on our backs now) and do dishes - the water and the repetition keeps him interested but gets him sleepy. If that doesn't get him asleep, nursing him right afterwards does.

his bedtime is 830, he wakes up at 630, one 2 hour nap. I shower w/ him at 745, wear him at 8 for dishes, then he's either out or I nurse him at 815 and he' down by 830. We wear him for naps as well. He's just too 'busy' otherwise to fall asleep! he gets cranky and tired but can't do it. We also don't put him down past 1pm, and get him up by 2:30pm no matter what.

[Essie]

Originally Posted by AFWife

We wake up about 8am. Honestly, I've been so tired lately that 8am is too early for ME to feel like wanting to get up. Fatigue has been bad and present this entire pregnancy. I have insomnia ANYWAY so add in having to change positions 6546874351 times a night plus getting up to pee 5 or 6 times and I.just.don't.sleep.

The thing is, if we get up earlier then I have to go to bed earlier too! I don't nap during the day (uh, who would do chores?) and I just don't nap well unless I'm sick with exhaustion. So, if we were to get up with DH (6am) I'm ready for bed around 8pm (The day we got up with DH? DS didn't sleep until after 9pm anyway) DS has woken up at 7:30am a few times and I'm exhausted and ready for bed around 9pm.


I feel like I'm being difficult and I don't mean to be...things are just complicated, sucky, and hormonal around here lately.

I totally remember all of this! I can relate. Know that eventually it will regulate. I know that it feels like you are on the brink. I think even if it's hard to wake up earlier (believe me, I'm not a morning person) even trying it for a week may turn things around.

[ommom]

"It still takes btw. 1/2 hr. and 2 hrs. each night. Its awful."

us too. & i get SO frustrated pissy & resentful. she's 21 months. i'm online trying to get ideas from y'all now. i've tried the "cuddle down" restraining too. i start wondering if 30 min. of CIO 1 nite, fewer min's each ensuing nite, then easy bedtimes would be better for all of us given crying is involved anyways unless i lie there (not even sitting up) feigning sleep, nursing, nursing, & nursing again for 45-90 min.

[ama-mama]

ACK!! I'm not alone! But I'm so frustrated reading this and not really finding any workable solutions. My daughter is 10.5 months old, and for the last couple of months (since she started crawling), she is fighting going to sleep like a maniac. She's obviously exhausted (rubbing her eyes, etc.), but it can take more than 2 hours to get her to sleep.

I'm an SMC, and she's in daycare, so some of the problem is overstimulation, but weekends can be crazy, too. We've been cosleeping from the beginning, and it's working for us, except at bedtime. If she were sleeping in a crib, I'd just let her move around, crawl, stand, etc., but in our bed, I need to restrain her from launching herself off the bed. When we're out, she self soothes in the stroller by growling to herself. But at home, she seems incapable of self soothing. Used to be able to nurse her to sleep, then gently put her down next to me. If she woke up when being put down, a few minutes of side-lying nursing would do the trick. Now, I think I have her asleep, and she pops up and wants to roam around and play. Eventually she gets very tired and is roaming around, but whining or crying, but doesn't know what to do about it. I have tried holding her tight. She just cries harder and struggles.

I'm so exhausted, I've been nodding off at my desk at work.