Scared to Breast Feed

[lisab82]

Okay so I am only 8 weeks pregnant and it's probably still to early to think about this, but I have been back and forth with breastfeeding. This is my first child and I am ecstatic, but I am scared to breastfeed. I know all the benefits to breastfeeding and what it does for my child, but I am a little freaked out because no one from my family has breastfed. Not my mom, and not my sisters so I would definitely be on my own with this one.

My mother in law and all of my DH side of the family has breastfed and they are pushy when it comes to it...like I mean will try to force you into it. Which is kinda turning me off. Also, I am not close enough with them to ask for advice or anything like that. I am just confused on what to do and scared.

Anyone else feeling this way?

[ryleeee]

my family never really breastfed very much either and i was a bit terrified but i stuck to my guns and ended up nursing my son until his 4th birthday...and it was a great experience, he is super healthy now and it really is the kickstart they need to get the most out of life. i understand there is a small percentage of moms that absolutely cannot do it, but if you can then you should really consider it no matter who does or doesn't do it. this page will tell you many reasons why you should breastfeed! http://www.askdrsears.com/html/2/t020300.asp

sorry for sounding so adamant but i feel very strongly about breastfeeding... you'll find that 99% of the people on this board will encourage you to do it as well. be grateful that your husbands side of the family is encouraging you! we didn't really have very many people encouraging us in our family....

[clutterbug]

Learning to breastfeed was tough for me, with both of my kids...but sticking it out was the most rewarding thing I've ever done.

I'm sorry that you feel pressured by your inlaws, though. Putting pressure on someone is not exactly the most effective strategy of encouragement.

Please know that you do not have to be all alone in learning to breastfeed! There are lots of community supports, and pregnancy is a great time to seek them out so you have a list of people you can call for a listening ear or for information if you run into any issues.

I would encourage you to check out a local meeting of La Leche League (or any breastfeeding support group in your community) during pregnancy. It gives moms who are not that familiar with breastfeeding a chance to see babies at the breast and to ask questions of a supportive group. Most groups have libraries with books and videos that you can borrow to help you learn more (our group has some awesome videos on baby-led breastfeeding, a must for moms-to-be to watch, IMHO, because it's just so NEAT!!). Plus, going to some meetings gives you a chance to meet and get to know your local leader(s), a great support network after baby arrives. http://www.llli.org/

[MrsBone]

Well, having strong advocates for breastfeeding on my side of the family, it never even crossed my mind to question trying it at least. Plus I think formula is disgusting and would never feed it to my children unless they ABSOLUTELY needed it. I admit, in the beginning it was hard. Mainly because my son couldn't tolerate even a drop of caffeine that I was drinking, and I didn't figure it out for awhile, so he was having a hard time nursing. But, it is completely normal, natural and good for your baby, so you should definitely try it! Give it a good 6 weeks. It can be difficult at first, but I've never heard of any mother give it a shot, have a hard time, get through that hard time and then regret breastfeeding. It's SO worth it! It's also great for bonding with your baby post birth when all your hormones are crazy out of whack!

[gabsev]

It's never too early to give breastfeeding a consideration. I'm sure you have read all the fantastic benefits for mom and babe. I too had a rough time in the beginning but I stuck to it and with the help and support of a lactation consultant and friends (we were living overseas at the time), I was able to breastfeed for a year. There is so much support out there and the best thing you could do is to stay informed and make an informed decision. I hope that your in-laws respect your decision whatever that may be. I paticularly like these 2 BF friendly websites:

http://www.kellymom.com/
http://www.drjacknewman.com/

[rhiOrion]

I agree that you'll almost certainly never regret breastfeeding, but you very well might regret not breastfeeding. I say go to the "Finding your tribe" area for your state and find some recs on good lactation consultants in your area. Also, see if there are any MDC playdates for your area... they'll probably welcome you with open arms even when you're still pregnant, and you can probably see some BFing in action. the LLL thing is a good idea, too, though it can be a little overwhelming.

[Michaels-Mommy]

Breastfeeding was hard for me in the begininng but it ended up being the biggest thing that I miss as they get older. There is just nothing like it. I talked with a lactation consultint to learn how to get the best latch, ect. She was a huge help! My doctor had told me about her. I didn't have to pay anything to talk to her either. I tell everyone to at least give it a try for a month or so.

[Adaline'sMama]

I was also the first person in my family to breastfeed, and it was hard at first. Breastfeed has fostered a beautiful relationship between me and my daughter, not to mention she is super healthy and happy. If you dont mind my asking, where do you live?

[treeoflife3]

I think the best thing you can do is hook up with your local LLL as soon as possible and start getting to know them so you'll have someone you trust and are comfortable with to help. I'm fortunate to have a supportive family with breastfeeding, but having the lactation consultant I had was VITAL. She knew things none of us knew and I honestly believe that if I didn't have her, someone less knowledgable would have said I couldn't breastfeed and I wouldn't still be doing so today.

breastfeeding can definitely be scary and it is HARD sometimes but it is worth it to try and it feels really amazing to meet milestones.. Find someone knowledgable now so you can trust them when you need them. then set small goals... hell, start a week at a time. make it a week? go til the first month. make it there? try for three months! or take it day by day if you need to... every day is one more day kiddo doesn't have formula and that is something to be proud of always. The most anyone can ask of you is that you try your best with what you have. you have many months to learn and prepare. good luck

[Evergreen]

I think you should find a good lactation consultant who can help you after birth. Hopefully you won't need it but I would feel more comfortable getting help from a professional than my MIL.

[Lauren82]

I think that breastfeeding is amazing so I can understand why people push it. Once you've done it, you can't help but get a passion for it.

I've been in your shoes where I had no one (family wise) that would be able to help me with it. What I did is made sure that I was armed and ready ahead of time. The best place to start is probably Le Leche League. You are more than welcome to attend their meetings during pregnancy. You might also look into breastfeeding classes taught by a breastfeeding counselor or lactation consultant. Another group that may be in your area is Holistic Moms.

What I really really think is most important is to have someone that can help you at birth. If you are delivering with a midwife, some are lactation consultants as well. Most usually know some to refer you to if they are not. If you are delivering in a hospital, be aware that you may have to bring your own help in. I have seen many a nursing relationship sabotaged by nurses (mine included). Hospital lactation consultants can be hit or miss. With my son, I never saw one at all even though I had requested several times to meet with one.

Also, the lactation forum here is great.

Ultimately it's your decision though. I agree with other posters when they say it's one you can regret by not doing it. I regret not getting help lined up with my 1st and 2nd babies. I nursed my 3rd for 18 months and it was so enjoyable.

[Asiago]

I agree about finding a local chapter of Le Leche League. Attend a few meetings, watch children nurse in person, talk with moms. I went to a few meetings before my baby was born and currently we have a new member doing the same (she's due in December). I find LLL to be very friendly and no one is pushy, maybe because we all remember what it felt like to be the new mom

Even google videos on YouTube, you can see it all close up and how exactly baby latches on. There is even a video of a baby doing the 'breast crawl' online, just born and yet crawls onto the nipple, it's amazing. I think you will become fascinated and forget those pushy in-laws
Breastfeeding is a natural act and your instincts just take over, it's not something to be afraid of. You'll do great.

[seafox]

breastfeeding was tough for me and DS, I had an overactive letdown and I'd say we didn't get into a good groove until 4-5 months or so. But now I love it and I love the bond we have from it.

I have to say, even though in some ways bottle-feeding might seem 'easier' - especially if there are bumps in the road for breastfeeding, breastfeeding is SO convenient and easy that I am so glad we stuck with it. Not needing anything but my boobs when out and about, being able to nurse in the middle of the night when he's hungry, etc. Instant perfect food and comfort is something that comes in really handy with a grumpy babe!

I'd say don't let folks being for it turn you off, do it for you and your babe, no one else. And I wouldn't worry about your mom and sisters having not done it, I didn't look to my mom for a ton of help w/ breastfeeding anyway, I actually used the forums here a lot for help when I needed it, and my MIL, in fact.

[Mom2K&Gray]

You definitely need a support system separate from your family. You need other moms going through the same things. So I also recommend starting to go to LLL meetings and getting to know the community. Your fears are completely normal but you need to trust that you can do it, and get through any challenges you may have with a little support.

I am reading a book that had a great quote about breastfeeding I won't soon forget:

"With the exception of less than ten percent of children who were breastfed by well-nourished mothers for twelve months or longer, every other child exits infancy with less-then-optimal brain development. These kids will never live up to their genetic potential. We won't even know what their potential was." Carol Simontacchi "The Crazy Makers"

[dayiscoming2006]

Yep, everyone suggesting to get in touch with a good lactation consultant is right. I had one with my first and it was very helpful since my family didn't have any breastfeeders in it either.

With the terrible ingredients (example: tons of sugar) in most formulas though, I would suggest making every effort. Also there's been a lot of formula recalls in recent time.

I was freaked out about it at first but it seems natural once you do it in my opinion. It's like - Oh, OK, I guess that's what these are for after all. LOL

I suggest getting a good nursing pillow too. That made all the difference for me enjoying the experience or not. I wouldn't use a boppy for nursing. I would get a "My brest friend" or I'm personally looking into getting a Bosom Baby pillow for my third since my "My Brest Friend" gave out finally. The "My brest friend" works and is cheaper though.

Ooh, also get a good nipple cream like "NEW MOTHER'S HEALING SALVE"

I also preferred scheduled nursing after the first few days or week. It made my life a whole lot easier. Others would disagree but I think the benefits of scheduling nursing sessions are many. In the beginning I make sure to feed baby every 2 and a half to 3 hours except maybe at night if they sleep longer.
I eventually work out a mostly firm schedule of nursing (unless baby is sick.) I start with choosing a time for the first morning feeding and gage out either for every 2 and a half hours or every 3 hours depending how often baby seems to be needing food. But the fixed schedule I believe is something I start at around the time my baby is 2 to 2 and a half months old. Before then they just need to eat when they need to but I still spaced it out because I found that my first would nurse like every hour if I didn't space it. And that was too hard to do and I read that they learn to eat more at each feeding if you space it. HTH

Wanted to add:
I have successfully nursed my first to 9 and a half months. Would have been longer but I didn't realize the dangers of formula back then and got frustrated. With my second I nursed him up to almost 18 months. I plan to do the same with my third. I personally feel good about ending around that age but to each their own. I've heard it can be really beneficial to make it to two years if you can though. By the time they get older though they don't nurse as often.

[jeminijad]

99% of humans nursed and were nursed up until the twentieth century... its only scary because we live in this wierd little bubble in space and time where somehow, milking other animals, doctoring that up and feeding our own babies out of plastic became "normal."

Read, read, read before the baby comes. Then try.

You can always give a bottle and formula if you've tried nursing and hate it. But if you start with the bottle, you have almost no choice but to stick with it.

[Earthylady]

I too broke a lot of molds for our families when I decided to nurse. THEN, having nursed past 6 months was all kinds of new territory for our families. THEN nursing past a year was really odd to people. Let along all the other stuff that got looked down on. cloth diapers, co sleeping, babywearing, etc. You get over it. I've found the most important person I needed in my corner was my husband. I can do anything if he's with me supporting me. I had the hardest first month learning to nurse, I had flat nipples and an unwanted c section. I had just about everything in my corner pushing me toward ppd and giving up, but we stuck it out, dodged the depression and went on to nurse for a very very long time.

It was hard when I had family telling me breastfeeding was sick, that co sleeping was going to ruin my marriage, babywearing was weird, etc. But like I said, as long as I had my husband to vent to and support me in my decision, it didn't seem to matter.

[texmati]

ddcc.... I really, really, really, wasn't looking forward to breastfeeding. I thought it was just too much giving-- after having carried this child around 24/7 in my womb, I was expected to have it hanging off of me for the next year? I honestly was talked into trying it by my husband and mdc. My mom nursed briefly, so I did have that support, but I have no memories of her nursing, and no one talks about it in my family.

I had a crummy birth and a real tough time starting to breastfeed-- not pain, but technique. My son had no instinct for nursing/latching etc. I had an amazing LC, husband, and my mom even was in my corner, and by 6 weeks or so, it was smooth sailing.

I can honestly say now that breastfeeding had such a positive effect on my relationship with my child. Even after such a disastrous birth, I was able to bond with him in this special way.I couldn't walk, change a diaper, swaddle or bathe him, without help and a lot of pain so other people ended up doing that stuff. But nursing! Nursing (even when I needed help) was something that only I could do. It meant so much to me those first few weeks.

I also (and I have no research to back this up) believe that breastfeeding kept ppd away (for me). I had suffered from depression and anxiety pre-pregnancy but it peaked during pregnancy, and I was dreading post partum depression. BF for some reason, had such a calming effect on me that during nursing session I could almost drift off to sleep. My son would be quiet or sleeping while eating, and I could just veg out on the couch.

Once I went back to work, I loved coming home to my son's excited face and taking the time to flop on the couch and nurse for a bit before starting up on chores. Around that same time I learned to nurse sidelying and was able to basically sleep through the night (and so could my husband!)

I also enjoyed the breaks I got... If I was visiting my IL's, both DS and I could get a break from them because he needed to nurse. If I wanted to hang out, I could nurse discretely in front of whomever. I had an excuse 4,5,6 times a day just to put my feet up for a while.

My son weaned a few weeks ago when my milk changed due to pregnancy. He won't latch, so we are exclusively bottle feeding. Here is the big myth about nursing that you hardly ever hear. It's better for the mom. Feeding now is stressful and rushed. I have to go downstairs to make a bottle for my son in the middle of the night or even during the day. My poor little one has to wait screaming and hungry because we miscalculated how hungry he was. If we put too much in the bottle, he pukes (all over me) because he can't control the flow.

Neither of us can get a good nights sleep. My dear husband now does all the night duty, sleeping with my son in another room. Great for me, right? Not so much-- I still wake up if DH needs to make a bottle, because DS is screaming his head off. Hubby is so tired all the time (since night wakings last 10-20 minutes, and we can't sleep through them anymore) that I feel guilty asking for massages, and he's a zombie half the time.

We recently were out shopping, and wanted to go out for an unexpected dinner. Previously, I would have just nursed him in the car, and gone out for dinner, but now we were in a panic. We didn't bring enough food for my son to last the extra few hours. We ended up not going.

I'm hoping when the new baby comes, that my son might start up nursing again. Yes, there a nutritional benefits; but I'm also thinking it might be a nice break.

Nurse... it's one of the most selfish things that you can do for yourself as a new mom

[Nutter]

If you're at all a reader - I would get your hands on Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding by Ina May Gaskin, and Breastfeeding Made Simple by Nancy Morhbacher and Kathleen Kendall-Tackett.

Both are easy-to-read, inspiring, and informative. They make breastfeeding feel achievable and desirable IMO, and I recommend them often as a doula.

[LZP]

totally DDCC right now.
In addition to the "key" titles about BFing, I read So That's What They're For! while pregnant, and loved it. It's a light-hearted, but information-packed book that's a really easy read; especially in those early weeks when you can barely keep your eyes open in the evenings! I really learned a lot about BFing, and it totally seemed do-able. I was excited about it.

I had an unwanted, surprise, pre-term c-section, immediately followed by a NICU stay for DD, and a hospital LC that was "aggressive" to put it nicely. I was BFing and Pumping. And a MIL that wanted to visit in the hospital alllllll the time, and did not support BFing at all, or understand it took more than 5 minutes. Oh, and a history of depression. Lots not in our favor. The first 5 days in the hospital were BAD, but once we were home, just me, DH and DD, things were SO much better. we saw a better LC on day 6, the pump rental lady was even helpful. and we took our time.

Like others said, it was a good 6 weeks, maybe even 8 for us until things were really good, but now we're in a good groove, and DD is a pro.

i agree with texmati - I think it really does help mom avoid PPD. the hormones released during nursing are wonderfully relaxing.

give it a try! It's so rewarding, so much easier than bottle feeding (once you get the hang of it) and so very beneficial for your baby!