Messy Moms help thread (dads and others too!) - Page 6

[Ellien C]

I guess I need a pep talk. I'm so overwhelmed and discouraged. I WOHM full-time with a second grader and a baby. I can't even get the second graders backpack unloaded and re-loaded each day. The house is just an overwhelming disaster. The roof has been leaking for years - the plaster ceilings are caving in. (Many contractors have failed to fix the roof leak - we're on our 5th company - hoping by Friday they will tell me WHEN they can START work).

[Theoretica]

Oh yuck Ellien, I'm sorry! I can imagine how stressful that is, and how hard that makes it to tackle, well...anything! I am overwhelmed just picturing it! Can you just grab one trashbag and do a quick 'fill it up' of stuff that doesn't bring you joy? So trash/donate/whatever just fill the bag and get it OUT

I'm trying to tackle some stuff tonight while DH is working late. I can't get anything done with him here because I feel like he's judging me. Even if he's not, it's MY thing yk? Anyways I have cclothes to sort in the sunroom, and someone just brought three big bags of clothes for DSS for our home (his mom won't let him bring clothes here, and we can't afford to buy all new clothes all the time), so I need to go through those before he's here tomorrow.

I feel a little guilty tossing stuff that's 'perfectly good', but if it's so good, why is it still here and not being used/loved, yk? So I'm giving myself permission to just get RID of it. It's hard, but once I get the rhythm going I'm kicking some serious ass on this.

Let's keep going!

[clutterwarrior]

Originally Posted by Ellien C

I guess I need a pep talk. I'm so overwhelmed and discouraged. I WOHM full-time with a second grader and a baby. I can't even get the second graders backpack unloaded and re-loaded each day. The house is just an overwhelming disaster. The roof has been leaking for years - the plaster ceilings are caving in. (Many contractors have failed to fix the roof leak - we're on our 5th company - hoping by Friday they will tell me WHEN they can START work).

Sounds like you need a big hug more than a pep talk. You sound plain exhausted to me.
I am just wondering what other support you have available, are you married for example? Is there anyone who can help you? As you are working, it certainly reduces the time you have to do house stuff. If the place is currently a disaster, maybe you need to put in some serious hours over weekends to get things in order as much as possible, and once things are better, I would work on sorting out a daily routine, one that is not so overwhelming that you cannot stick to it.

Good luck with the 5th company!

[Ellien C]

Thanks for the sympathy. I am married and I have a good job - so there's that. In theory we can afford to have the roof fixed, it's just findidng someone who will do it right. I think I've got a good company now.

I also have a cleaning service come in once every 2 weeks to do floors, kitchen and bathrooms, so that keeps the grody down.

DH is pretty good with the kids but is an absolute stress bucket and something of a hoarder (w/OCD-Anxiety issues if you ask me). He's actually good at organizing and making the place look surface clean - but there are piles of papers everywhere. Dh is like a wound-up spring right now. It's really, really awful. I should probably post about that somewhere else.

I'm leaving for the weekend with the baby. Well - I'll be back around 9-10 pm Saturday night.

I've donated at least a bag a week for the past 4 weeks, but I feel like it hasn't made a DENT in what we have. Currently working on getting rid of maternity clothes as I've got a neighbor who can use them. I also fixed up a "man-room" for DH but some of the junk that was in it needs to find a home. My strategy has been to deal with my own clutter and collections before saying anything to DH about - oh - 30 boxes of comic books in the basement and boxes financial records including every check he has ever written. Lately he's wanted to keep every piece of election mail that comes in and all of the for sale flyers plus the daily sheets from day care on when DS pooped, peed and napped. I try to get rid of these things before he finds them.

[carfreemama]

Just wanted to check in with everyone. Everybody still out there?

I have been on a cleaning tear. There has been a HUGE bed bug frenzy here in Halifax and I am squicked out to bits. No evidence of them in our house (I have OCD and it's been fired into MASSIVE overdrive over this). So not necessarily a healthy motivation, but boy it's been effective! I know bed bugs have nothing to do with cleanliness; BUT from all my cleaning lately, it has become clear to me that if we ever WERE infested with anything, we would be so up the creek. It's a miracle to me that we've escaped everything so far...ants, fleas (mostly), roaches...Not that we never clean, we do; just that we have all that clutter, sometimes food not sealed well in the cupboards, dust, that sort of thing. I want to strip us down to what we absolutely love and need for lots of reasons; but I don't think the buggies are going away in our town anytime soon, so I want to be ready to act fast and have things tidy enough to spot something early on. And I'm really enjoying it! We've excavated over half the basement, which looked like it would take months to make a dent in. I've washed and dried every item in the house and cleaned all the drawers and closets before putting stuff away. Today I washed the walls and am making it through all the woodwork (there's a ton) with Murphys Oil Soap.

Next up is steam cleaning all carpets/upholstery. Oh and replacing the contact paper on the shelves. Got sidetracked from that.

Anyone else?

[catscharm74]

I was never a messy person...until I got married and life picked up... 

I couldn't keep up, as much as I tried. I would literally exhaust myself trying to keep everything clean, neat, and organized. I slowly started to let it go because I was just overwhelmed, stuffing drawers, closets, cupboards and even purchasing a storage shed. Then I got the bright idea to sell some of our books, some old pink glass chotskies and this lead into our first yard sale. Well howdy do...a clean and manageable home started to emerge. This was starting to lead to finding easier ways of doing thing, emptyng out rooms and putting back only what we used and what we loved, replacing paper products with resuable, downsizing clothes, toys, stuff, stuff, stuff...and suddenly, we weren't so messy anymore. This also lead to an epiphany...with hubby..he became neater and more organized. YIPPPEEE!! I am back to my single days simple, clean and organized ways with a small family. Definitely far from perfect but doable.

[zh97]

This is a great thread!!  I have a few odd quirks that have helped me.  First, the picture taking mentioned earlier really helps me see what other people see, so if I don't know where to start, I start there.  In my kitchen, things can get out of hand really quick as my kids make themselves things to eat, etc.  One thing that works for me to get started, is to take a handful of dishes to the kids bathroom (down the hall) and while they take a bath I do that first set of dishes in the bathroom sink. This helps me to not have to see the overwhelming job of the whole kitchen and breaks it down.  It also helps me know that my kids are not making new messes as I clean up the old.  That really helps!  One thing I did was reduce our plates/utensils to one set per person.  That really helped with people taking a new cup every time they wanted a drink.  Same with utensils.  Being forced to clean so we can eat has helped and everything doesn't get piled up. (we used to operate with many sets of those cheap Ikea kids plastic plates and cups- NO MORE!)

I have gotten into a morning routine that has eased the mess.  I have a stash of plastic grocery bags in a drawer in my room and start by putting the baby's wet diaper in when I change her first thing in the  AM.  Then, I walk around the house with that bag and pick up as much garbage as I can to fill it and take it right out to the garbage.  If I am having trouble finding things, I will look in the fridge or the cupboards for any old food, etc. Then, I come back through the kitchen grab a trader joes paper bag and go through the house collecting any recycling.  I have even been known to put kids books that got something sticky on them in.  My goal is just to fill as quickly as possible and get it out to the recycling tote.  I then grab a laundry basket and go around collecting any laundry I can find and start a load.  This all takes about 15 min. tops while the kids are just waking up themselves and gives me a fresh start to the day.

I agree with someones problem of having too much space.  We have that problem here. I love the outdoor space we have, but hate the oversized house it came with. We are in the process of leaving this house and it is such a relief.  However, what we are moving into (RV) will surely present new problems.  It has made getting rid of stuff much easier though!  My mantra is, "if I had to fit this in a backpack, would this be what I want to take?"  We have been in a conversation with some world travelers (similar to what we will be doing) and right now the whole family is living long term out of carry on luggage- even the children.  It gives them such freedom (in so many ways) not to be dealing with all this STUFF.  That is such a motivator for me.

[bluedaisy]

This thread is so motivating!  I have been seriously decluttering lately and it is making a huge difference.  I am so tired of my house being messy all the time.  Because of my job, we have a lot of people over and sometimes people stop by unannounced and it's so embarrassing.

One area that I really struggle with is the kitchen.  We don't have a dishwasher and dishes just accumulate, plus clutter also seems to accumulate.  My sewing area is on one side of the kitchen because it's a big space and I use the kitchen table for sewing projects.

One thing that has helped is changing our bedtime routine - after dinner, DH gets dd ready for bed and that is my scheduled time to wash the dishes.

It's so much better than it used to be but I would love some more tips on the kitchen - I am considering getting rid of a lot of plates and pans, etc so I have to wash as I go - does this really make a big difference?

Since we do have visitors frequently, I would have to have extra plates, glasses, mugs, etc somewhere so I'm not sure how it would work to limit our eating utensils.

[zh97]

Bluedaisy, I do have a cupboard full of about 4 more place servings in another area of the house- more inconvenient than just washing what is already in the kitchen that we use for when company comes over.  It really does make a difference for us.  Having been a foster parent for the last 10 years, I too, have all sorts of people in and out of my house, openly judging how it looks.  That has been a stressful motivator to keep things picked up, but I have times of panic thinking- OMG, what if someone showed up right now?!?!  The thing that bothers me so much is that earlier that same day, I could look around and think things are looking really neat and tidy.  My house can go down in a matter of minutes.  People tell me how great it is that my kids are so creative, and they are, but when I see the mess it creates I feel like something has got to give.  Ops, sorry for that tangent!

[carfreemama]

This is my next move, to "assign" us each a certain number of cups/plates/utensils we can use on a given day. We are 2 adults and 1 child. I WAH full time, but dd is in school (comes home for lunch, so does dh; but still), how many dishes should we dirty? So I'm thinking 1 mug, 1 water/juice glass each; 1 set of utensils; 1 bowl and 1 plate. Extras in the china cabinet for (frequent) company. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! I don't want to become too controlling; but seriously, cutting it all down so we CAN'T mess and clutter seems like the only way to make true headway at this point.

For that matter, this would apply to towels, clothes, etc. Pare it all down. NOW I understand simplicity. There's less to clean!

I am doing this. I really am.

[mkksmom]

I put a bunch of my dishes in the basement, and it helped so much that I am about to do more. If I didn't have a dishwasher, I'd do even more, actually and just have 1 dinner plate, 1 salad plate, 1 bowl, 1 glass or cup and 1 mug per person. It only takes a minute to wash the baby's tray, and it always gets done because there is only one tray. I am forced to keep it washed. I'd apply the same rule to every one else. I am getting ready to do towels soon. I start with packing them away to make sure the system works before donating. 

[ramlita]

Yes!

We just got rid of a bunch of towels and sheets, and it feels wonderful!

I've always been the "better save this, just in case," type, and basically that's why our house is overflowing...

We have very little storage space, and until recently it was taken up by hand-me-down sheets/towels/dishes/etc offered to us by family that we couldn't say NO to...

now I'm just keeping what we actually like and use and I'm starting to feel like I'm getting my life back :)

[ramlita]

I meant to say- part of my theory with linens is that I want to be prepared for times when the whole family gets a stomach bug-

but that happens so rarely that it's not worth it to live in a messy pile of spare stuff just so I can have plenty of supplies that one time every few years.

(knock on wood...)

[delphine]

OK, so this thread really got me motivated.  I had last Thursday off for Veteran's Day and Friday was a mandated furlough day for us, so I used the four days off to work on my house.  While I guess it wasn't "hoarders" messy, it was getting pretty gross.  I wish now I had taken before pictures, but I was honestly too afraid of how it would look. 

So, I cleaned the kitchen, family room, living room, bathrooms, master bedroom and one kid bedroom.  I filled up at least 5-6 big black garbage bags of trash (horrible I know) and another 3-4 large boxes of items that we donated to our local charity.  I pretty much started from the ground up.  Cleaned out every drawer and closet in those rooms, dusted, vacuumed, washed walls etc. 

I still have to finish the second kid bedroom and my dining room.  The only problem is that my dining room table ended up piled high with the "stuff I don't know what to do with"  I know I just need to tackle it, but it's so intimidating.  And...I don't know what to do with all of it.  It's things like school papers that are too cute to throw away, photos, magazines I haven't read but hope to, paperwork that I need to go through, etc. 

After I get those rooms done, I am bound and determined to keep it clean, and to finish all of the small projects that need to be done around the house. 

My next goal is to paint the trim and interior doors in the house...all of them. This needed to be done when we moved in this house (FIVE years ago...ack!!!) and I never did it.  I am going from a tan color to white and I am hoping it will really make the woodwork pop and will make everything look cleaner (which will be good...one of my problems is that I never think my house looks CLEAN...we have old carpet etc and really can't get it replaced right now). 

And, after that, I am going to make a prioritized list and just tackle things one at a time.  I have found that I easily get overwhelmed with all of the things that need to be done so I end up not doing any of it. 

How are the rest of you doing?

[delphine]

Originally Posted by carfreemama 

This is my next move, to "assign" us each a certain number of cups/plates/utensils we can use on a given day. We are 2 adults and 1 child. I WAH full time, but dd is in school (comes home for lunch, so does dh; but still), how many dishes should we dirty? So I'm thinking 1 mug, 1 water/juice glass each; 1 set of utensils; 1 bowl and 1 plate. Extras in the china cabinet for (frequent) company. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! I don't want to become too controlling; but seriously, cutting it all down so we CAN'T mess and clutter seems like the only way to make true headway at this point.

For that matter, this would apply to towels, clothes, etc. Pare it all down. NOW I understand simplicity. There's less to clean!

I am doing this. I really am.

We are a family of 4 and we pretty much do this.  Each person has a bowl, plate, and cup.  (We don't do it with utensils, but we really don't have excess utensils so I don't find it to be a problem).  We have fiesta ware, so it makes it easy to assign a certain color to each kid (dh and I don't care what color we have )  It really cuts down on the dishes. 

[ChristinaLucia]

Originally Posted by GearGirl 
One of the "funny" things that happened to me was realizing that I had two copies of the book "It's All Too Much", yup, two copies of a de-cluttering book because I had too much clutter to find or remember that I already had one!

That is so funny!  Me too, except that I had 3 copies of it.     Love that book!!

[AngelBee]

This is an area I am struggling with as well.

[clutterwarrior]

Originally Posted by ChristinaLucia 

Originally Posted by GearGirl 
One of the "funny" things that happened to me was realizing that I had two copies of the book "It's All Too Much", yup, two copies of a de-cluttering book because I had too much clutter to find or remember that I already had one!

That is so funny!  Me too, except that I had 3 copies of it.     Love that book!!

Haha..glad I am not the only one who does things like that!

Last night I was looking for books about decluttering and I tried to buy "The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide: How to Declutter, Organize, and Simplify Your Life" by Francine Jay....only it came up with a message from Amazon saying I had already bought it!! 

[vegcatlover]

I just read this thread.  I wish it was still active.  Thank you GearGirl!  You've help me let go of so much guilt. 

I gifted my rechargeable batteries and charger to a neighbor.  The neighbor is neat and organized so they can keep up with the batteries and the charging.  I am messy.  I can't keep up, and it was stressful trying to make sure DH didn't toss the rechargeable batteries.  I found a place that recycles batteries.  I'll just collect the old batteries in a bag in the car and drop them off as needed. 

Other guilt inducing objects I've jettisoned....

1)  crock pot - my family hates one pot meals.  I would spend so much time and effort preparing something healthy only to watch DS#1 and DH grimace and complain.  Then I would get mad at them, and I would throw away the food in anger. 

2)  empty photo albums - having old photosscannedonto a disc so I can get rid of photos too

3)  piles of unread books

4)  unused cookbooks (see #1)

5)  jewelry that has been gifted to me over the years.  I'm not a jewelry girl at all.

I'm sorry this thread is dead.  It has been so inspiring to me. 

[ramlita]

It's aliiiiiive!!!!!!

Thanks for reviving this- I needed it!

So much of our messiness is clutter- currently our whole living room is a mess because DH is going through all of his vinyl records, "sorting" them, and it's hard to get around the piles.

In theory, some of his categories are "give away." Wish me luck!

I am realizing more and more that kids don't need that much clothing.

People give us garbage bags full, and it's tempting to keep most of it, "just in case," but out of what we keep, the kids only like a small percentage.

Lately I give stuff a week or two in the drawer, and if they don't wear something in that time, it gets passed on!

Clutterwarrior, that's hilarious. Classic.