My daughter said something really embrassing...

[momtoS]

I have a 3 year old and 6 year old. Apparently my 3 year old asked me why a little girl in swimming class had a weird head. I didn't hear....so my 6 year old asked for her....LOUDER.

I kind of know this mom and little girl. She definitely has special needs. (So does my 6 year old...but SPD and pica so no one can tell from the outside)

I was MORTIFIED......

What should I tell her about this little girl?

[jennabean]

aw, we ALL have had those moments... I try to have a sense of humor about it but I know you're worried your dd may have hurt the other mom's feelings, etc.

but truthfully, its just one of those things that kids do and teaching social grace is a tricky and delicate proposition. basically I've just tried to explain to my 6 yo dd that to comment on someone else's appearance in public is considered rude and teaching her how to be discreet is hard, but she's getting better...

as far as explaining the differences of the special needs child, I usually say something to the effect of "that's just how they were made" but as she's gotten older I have been a little more specific... she saw a child with DS this summer and asked why "that boy's head was oval"... she wasn't mean about it, just curious.

she's typically developing and her little bro has 22q11 and severe clubfeet so she lives with 'differences' everyday which does lend itself to some very positive teaching moments and also, as a mommy on both ends of this equation, I will say that I know my son is different and if I overhead a totally innocent conversation about that from other young kids it wouldn't shock or hurt me... if they were close enough I'd probably explain in kid-terms, what those differences were.

hope that helps! just my 2 cents worth

[Emmeline II]

We're working with 6yo ds on commenting about people. The chief problem right now is any time he hears a foreign language he has to comment about it--loudly (and we live in south Texas).

[LynnS6]

In these situations (I have a verbal child who notices and comments a lot), I said:

"Yes, her head has a different shape, but I don't know why. Some people are just made that way."

Then I follow up with:

"Remember, we don't comment on what people look like. They already know what they look like and they don't need you to tell them. If you have a question, please ask me privately. People get embarrassed when you talk about them." Now, at 3, my daughter didn't get it, but at 6, she does. She doesn't always remember, but she's getting there. She also doesn't like to have other people talk about her (I can't tell stories about her when she's around anymore), so she's developing that empathy.

[anj_rn]

It happens. My DS is currently fascinated with comparing ages, weight, & height. He goes up to random starngers and asks them how big they are (meaning height) and how old they are. He also tells people he will get fat when he is older (DH & most of his fam is overweight).

We are working on it.

[DBZ]

My daughter who is 2 uses a walker and I do take her out in public with it. I expect children to ask questions, stare, and even say things that might embarrass their mom. It doesn't bother me. Now if an adult did any of this then they would meet Mama Bear LOL

[SpottedFoxx]

ALL children are inquisitive - especially about children who don't resemble themselves. My son is fascinated by wheel chairs. Whenever we are out and he sees one he will run up and stare and then start asking questions. Never has anyone (adult or child) indicated that they were unhappy with this. We teach him to be respectful and use respectful words but that he is fine to ask questions.

We were at a party. One of his playmates has cerebral palsy. He asked me why his friend has a boo boo on his legs. We just explained that the braces help him to walk and that some people are born with strong legs like he has and some children need help with braces or a wheel chair because their legs aren't as strong. Everyone has things about them that are different, some are just more obvious than others.

Help your child by giving her words to describe things that are different that not as offensive to you. Instead of strange, how about different? Why is that child's head different from my own would probably feel a lot less intrusive.