Having trouble getting rid of stuff- help!

[bright_eyes]

We are moving and really need to downsize as we have a ton of toys. We want to get rid of some of our toys and books but I am struggling a bit with it because of ds, who is 4. He has an incredible memory. I have packed stuff away in boxes to see if he would notice it gone, thinking I can get rid of it if he doesn't. And months later he'll ask me what happened to such and such. Or he'll be looking at our pictures on the computer and see a picture of him with some toys we used to have and get really upset when I tell him that we don't have it anymore.

We also have way too many books as I have been steadily collecting children's books since he was born. I want to get rid of all the ones that I don't feel are really good literature, but just fluff. And I feel like we have a lot of fluff. Books like Clifford, Franklin, Winnie the Pooh (not the originals), ect. But if I ask him if we can get rid of them, he gets upset and tells me he really wants to keep him. But he will also say that about anything I ask about that I want to get rid of.

I want to just exercise my authority as a parent and just get rid of what I don't feel we need or doesn't add to our home. But I also worry about whether or not that is disrespectful to him to get rid of things that he enjoys and wants to keep. I don't have the luxury right now of packing things about again and seeing if he will miss them because we are moving to another province this month and don't want to bring a ton of stuff. And then, like a mentioned, even if I did this, he may still remember the things we once had.

Thoughts? How do you go about downsizing when you have kids????

[gbailey]

Hi! I think I would handle this one of two ways. First way is to not ask him about the items he hasn't played with in years and the books you think are fluff. I would go ahead and donate him and let him know mommy is clearing up clutter so you will have more room when you move. The second way is to let him choose the items he wants to take and the ones he's willing to leave behind. Maybe tell him, if it's something you're able to do, that he can purchase a couple of reasonably priced new items once you get settled and those can be his special new toys and books for the new place?

[meemee]

at 4 its a hard age to separate. its hard for them to let go. as they grow older it becomes a little easier.

at that age dd and i used to volunteer. so if dd ever asked i would tell her that i gave to the place that would pass them onto children who had nothing or very little. i would take her online and show her pictures of other children enjoying something.

and i would mourn with her too. acknowledge her feeling.

how is he looking at the moving? as a new adventure or scared missing what he will leave behind, not wanting change?

that might be a clue to how he feels about his toys and books.

also dd was used to visiting thrift stores. and i would remind her that the reason we could buy that was because someone had given theirs away.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by bright_eyes

I want to just exercise my authority as a parent and just get rid of what I don't feel we need or doesn't add to our home. But I also worry about whether or not that is disrespectful to him to get rid of things that he enjoys and wants to keep.

I think that it is disrespectful to my children to keep so many things that they cannot find what they really like because of the clutter, or so much stuff that I am stressed out because of the work of maintaining it.

I've got 2 kids, the oldest is nearly 14, my DH's job has moved us a lot, and we just can't keep everything.

One of the things I ask myself when I declutter is:

Does this bless my family? Could it bless someone else's?

I've tried to teach my kids this attitude too. After a while, some things are no longer blessings to us, but they can still bless other people. When the kids were little, I decluttered in secret because they had more peace that way. But as they got older, they could be a part of it.

I think it sounds like it's time to start explaining to him *why* we release things back. I believe that when we let things go that we no longer use, the energy comes back to us in forms that we can use.

[gbailey]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

I think that it is disrespectful to my children to keep so many things that they cannot find what they really like because of the clutter, or so much stuff that I am stressed out because of the work of maintaining it.

I've got 2 kids, the oldest is nearly 14, my DH's job has moved us a lot, and we just can't keep everything.

One of the things I ask myself when I declutter is:

Does this bless my family? Could it bless someone else's?

I've tried to teach my kids this attitude too. After a while, some things are no longer blessings to us, but they can still bless other people. When the kids were little, I decluttered in secret because they had more peace that way. But as they got older, they could be a part of it.

I think it sounds like it's time to start explaining to him *why* we release things back. I believe that when we let things go that we no longer use, the energy comes back to us in forms that we can use.

Excellent post!

[cyncyn]

I like your attitude LOTM. My dd can't get rid of anything yet at 7. We have moved some items out of her room to make space but she is not really ready acknowledge that she does not need every baby toy and book. I love to keep special stuff like her baby lovey toys, but old broken plastic crap drives me crazy. I try to take care of that without her seeing me.

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

I think that it is disrespectful to my children to keep so many things that they cannot find what they really like because of the clutter, or so much stuff that I am stressed out because of the work of maintaining it.

I've got 2 kids, the oldest is nearly 14, my DH's job has moved us a lot, and we just can't keep everything.

One of the things I ask myself when I declutter is:

Does this bless my family? Could it bless someone else's?

I've tried to teach my kids this attitude too. After a while, some things are no longer blessings to us, but they can still bless other people. When the kids were little, I decluttered in secret because they had more peace that way. But as they got older, they could be a part of it.

I think it sounds like it's time to start explaining to him *why* we release things back. I believe that when we let things go that we no longer use, the energy comes back to us in forms that we can use.

I'm laughing because my husband will ask "Does this bless the house?" and we're not even highly religious.

I agree that it's WAY more important to get the point across in terms of living a more streamlined life in quantity of things owned as well as what your personal/living space looks like than the temporary lamenting for something gone.

And while I'd love to teach my kids the spirit of giving, my 6yo is STILL not quite there yet in a way that would allow us to, together, make decisions about giving away anything he owns. We accomodate a giving spirit in another way (a portion of his allowance is set aside for giving and can't be used for anything else). But I have to occasionally cull the toys for things that are either no longer age-appropriate, broken, missing pieces, or just need to move on.

Having just relocated, I get what you're saying. I didn't have to pay to move my stuff, but when it got here--I FLIPPED. OUT. over how much stuff we still had. In the old house, it didn't seem to be as much stuff as it is. That being said, it's also mostly not my kids stuff.

If you ditch his stuff without his knowledge and he brings it up again, just divert him to making it a happy memory by telling stories about times with that toy. Then ask him what he has now that is similar to that, or that he plays with in a similar way/situation.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by heatherdeg

I'm laughing because my husband will ask "Does this bless the house?" and we're not even highly religious.

We aren't religious either!!!

I do have a very spiritual view of "stuff" and a really odd thing has happened several times to us. We've had things we were ready to give away, and someone has told us it was an answer to prayer.

Some things are just trash, like broken toys, but other things really can bless other people.

[ohiomommy1122]

that is hard I have done 2 things in the past

one.... go through toys with child and take them to childrens resale shop shop where they get money for thier toys and let them keep the money for something fun to buy later

or just take it to a thrift shope to drop off explaing that it is for children who don't have any toys

two... just sort through it and get rid of what you think he won't miss or you don't like. If he asks for it l;ater just keepsaying it must have gotton misplaced in the move and that it will turn up and if he doesnt let up about 1 specific toy rebuy it LOL I had to do this once with my DD I got rid of a ton of stuff but she noticed one toy was always gone lol

good luck

[bright_eyes]

Thanks for all the replies- very helpful!!!