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No one remembered

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 
Just need a hug. Dd2 turned one on Sept 9. Dh's family remembered. My dad remembered. A old neighbor from our last house who has never met dd2 remembered. But not one of my brothers or sisters remembered. I kept waiting thinking that maybe a late card would arrive in the mail. Nothing. Its been like this since she was born. Everyone thinks of dd1 but its like no one cares that I ahve a dd2.

We have probably 20 or 25 cards that we saved from dd1's 1st. I have 1 for dd2. WTF?!
post #2 of 28
I'm sorry! Big hugs for you! That has to be hard.
post #3 of 28
*hug*

I have no idea when anyone's bday is. If I'm not invited to a party don't expect a gift.
post #4 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by babygirlie View Post
*hug*

I have no idea when anyone's bday is. If I'm not invited to a party don't expect a gift.
Sorry, but I don't think that's the norm in families. People send each other cards on special occasions even if they're not *invited* for birthdays 3 states away.

OP, that sucks
post #5 of 28
for you and for your LO.

Happy Birthday!!
post #6 of 28
That's tough, I'll be hurt too

Happy Birthday dd2
post #7 of 28
I'm so sorry OP.

I'm not great about remembering birthdays either, but you bet I will remember the birthday of my sister's kids (sometime early this coming spring! )

I really do understand. Last year my in laws totally forget my son's birthday, despite all of us having talked about it every time we got together for the 2 months before and delivered a huge gift basket (for no reason, I think they won it in a raffle) for my DD 2 days later. I was confused but politely did not say anything, DD brought it up when they gave the basket to her. When they realized the mistake they were very angry with us for not alerting them to it, as in calling them on his birthday to remind them of it. Then they conveniently forgot about our big plans to go to Disney, which was their idea in the first place, for DD's birthday the following month.
post #8 of 28
I'm so sorry Mama! We haven't had this happen yet (DD2 is only 5 months old), but I see the disparity in the way DD2 is treated and it kills me. DD1 has over $4000 in savings bonds from family there are probably 40 or 50 of them, DD2 has $200, one bond from my MIL. It's not about the money, I don't care about that, but the fact that family probably sent DD1 15 of those bonds in her 1st year and DD2 has gotten one. Same with personalized keepsake gifts, DD1 has a bunch to commemorate her birth, DD2 has nothing. When we go visit family DD1 gets gifts, DD2 gets nothing. Now I know she is only a baby, but that is not the point.....Plus DD1 sees it - she sees her sister getting nothing while she gets gifts....
And when we talk to certain relatives on the phone, they either forget to ask about DD2 or do it as an afterthought.
post #9 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by wookie View Post
Sorry, but I don't think that's the norm in families. People send each other cards on special occasions even if they're not *invited* for birthdays 3 states away.
That's pretty much how mine is. Dh and I have 13 nieces and nephews, 8 siblings, 8 siblings in law. I'm not about to send 30 cards out a year though I tend to remember vaguely when most of their birthdays are (ie the beginning of Oct) and I am fond of them.

But I'm sorry the OP's feelings were hurt. People do make a bigger fuss over first borns and remember their birthdays more easily. Though I'd think with a birthday date of 9/9/09, dd2 would have been extra easy to remember!
post #10 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by wookie View Post
Sorry, but I don't think that's the norm in families. People send each other cards on special occasions even if they're not *invited* for birthdays 3 states away.

OP, that sucks
That's the norm in some families-- I don't normally call out of the blue. Was DD1 a first grand child, by any chance?
post #11 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by wookie View Post
Sorry, but I don't think that's the norm in families. People send each other cards on special occasions even if they're not *invited* for birthdays 3 states away.

OP, that sucks
Hmm. We've never been into the card sending in our family. A phone call maybe.
post #12 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by wookie View Post
Sorry, but I don't think that's the norm in families. People send each other cards on special occasions even if they're not *invited* for birthdays 3 states away.

OP, that sucks
I think that is very dependent on family culture. The only family I know in real life who does that is my husband's.

I find the whole card-sending concept a waste of paper. What I am supposed to do with these things? Look at them then toss them into the recycling bin?

The only cards I ever purchase get connected to a gift or contain a gift (money).

But if it's family culture to do something like this, and your child appears to have been forgotten, that's horribly sucky.
post #13 of 28
Awww. Big hugs and happy birthday to your DD.
post #14 of 28
Quote:
I think that is very dependent on family culture. The only family I know in real life who does that is my husband's.
I think it is true that it is dependent on family culture. Neither my own family nor DH's family sends cards let alone remembers birthdays. My sister has five kids and lives in Europe, and my brother has four kids here. DH has a ton of nieces and nephews and they don't exchange cards with us or vice versa.

Instead of keeping up with various birthdays, I prepare the occassional care package (full of little toys and goodies that I find along the way). I keep a box at home and add to it and then when it is full enough, I send the various families a surprise package to let them know that we are thinking of them. DH does this for his nieces and nephews as well. They love it! A package can appear in the middle of the summer or way after the holidays.

OP, I'm sorry that this was so disappointing to you. I have found that early in my marriage and parenthood, I had to sort of build my own traditions if there wasn't something in place. The surprise goodie box worked for us and there is an equitible element to it. Everyone gets recognition and it is fun for all parties involved.
post #15 of 28
I'm sorry, OP.

We are not a card sending family, though. My dh's family *really* is. They get cards for every minor or major holiday, even. My family was not like this growing up and nobody almost ever bought presents/sent cards/called on birthdays and holidays, but my family is dirt poor. We call or try to see most family for their birthdays and we have a big family. But it does seem like in a lot of families the first kid gets wayyyy more attention around birthdays than subsequent children. Is that what's bugging you the most?
post #16 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by wookie View Post
Sorry, but I don't think that's the norm in families. People send each other cards on special occasions even if they're not *invited* for birthdays 3 states away.

OP, that sucks
I have 25 nieces and nephews, I don't know many of their b-days. They all live within a 50 mile radius, but seriously there is a b-day party nearly weekly. I really have neither the time, nor the money to remember everyone in my IL's family, it like 50+ people and that's a low figure.

I'm sorry OP, we just had DS's b-day yesterday and we kept it low-key, but our family all remembered.
post #17 of 28
Op I am really sorry that this disapointed you so much.
My DH's family is very much the type that does not remember or celebrate much of any holiday. We rarely exchange cards or gifts for birthdays or even Christmas. My parents do tend to send stuff, but none of my sibling or my DH's siblings ever send or call on birthdays unless they are actually invited to a party for one of our children.
post #18 of 28
OKay, sorry then, I guess it's not a norm in *most* families, only in *some* We only have one sibling each on both our sides so we send cards/call on our niece/nephew's birthday. my parents, as grandparents, tend to remember most cousin's birthdays as well. i was under the impression that if siblings are close they remember each other's kids' birthdays as that's how it is for me.

it still sucks for OP though.
post #19 of 28
I'm sorry OP. The same thing happened to me and I was really hurt. DS has invariably received something from both of our brothers (mine and DH's). We had two losses in between our kids and I had to give myself a shot every day to ensure a happy outcome for our beloved DD. Neither brother remembered DD's birthday. Her first birthday! It still rankles, frankly. I know they didn't do it on purpose, but that's kind of the point, right? They should have remembered on purpose.

My response has not been very good. I have "forgotten" my niece's and nephew's birthdays this year. Sigh. Super grown-up of me, eh? You know, I am going to take inspiration from this thread and go ahead and send the presents to my nieces and nephews.


I also decided last year that if it happened again this year, I was going to ask the brothers to stop sending DS a gift. Our children's birthdays are close together and it will not be long before DD will figure out if DS is getting gifts from uncles and she isn't.

Finally, big hugs to you and a huge happy birthday to your little girl!
post #20 of 28
My husband's parents have forgotten my second daughters birthday 2 years in a row. Their own grandchild!! Not a card or a call or nothing. So this year for Christmas I am giving them a calender with my childrens birthdays marked in great big letters!

A big happy birthday to your little one!!
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