No one remembered - Page 2

[ChetMC]

I'm Sorry

I'm really sorry. I understand.

Having four kids in five and a half years I've really seen the difference between the first and the others, especially the third and the forth. Nobody noticed when DS 1 turned one, and I expect that DS 2s first birthday will be a quiet family affair as well.

I've saved the birthday cards from our girls, and I'm thinking about getting rid of them because I don't like seeing the girls have huge stacks and the boys have essentially nothing. I worry a little that the kids will notice and ask why if I keep them around.

[Linda on the move]

It sounds like a lot of people remembered, just not your sibs.

Why discount all the people who did?

The glass is half full, but you are saying that it's empty.

[Areia]

Originally Posted by texmati

That's the norm in some families-- I don't normally call out of the blue. Was DD1 a first grand child, by any chance?

That's the norm in my family as well. Birthdays aren't really that big of a deal - we generally don't send/receive cards, etc some people have a little celebration with their little nuclear unit, but its not an extended family type of thing. DH and I (and now DD) always plan a little getaway on our birthdays. DH's family does have more expectations, but he's in charge of that - I don't really have a memory for these things.

[lilyka]

I can't begin to tell you when my nephews birthdays are. I only have two. Actually I am never real sure when when 2nd and third childrens birthdays are. I have gotten it wrong on official documents etc....I probably only remember M.s because it is a few days off from mine.

[St. Margaret]

I think it's fine to not send cards or stuff to far-away relatives, but it's not okay to send things to one kid and not another. I can see how people might make a special effort for a first child, especially the first child of a new generation, and then let it slide from there on out... it still sucks for the subsequent kids, but whatever, people are human and busy and all that (I'm interested in seeing if we get a slew of stuff for DS coming next month, like we did for DD, who was the first grandbaby on both sides! I bet not). But sending things every year for one kid and not for another... so not cool. I'm sorry, OPs and others who posted about being in that boat!

[kathteach]

I had the same thing going on with DS1 and DS2. I wanted to save the cards for their baby books, so I went through all of DS1s card and if they didn't have his name or the date on the card it became DS2s card to make it look equal.

I am sorry OP.

[colsxjack]

I am sorry OP and sorry to your DD. Happy Birthday to Her!

Our DD recently turned 1 too. And we have some hurt feelings going around from the experience too.
My family didn't forget, they knew it was her birthday but ignored it. I found out later they were hurt that they were not invited to the party. It is my parents 4th grandchild. My sister's first niece/nephew. My aunts and cousins wanted to be invited too.

Thing is, we did not want a big party. We had a very low key party in the park with a few friends who are in DD's life on a regular/daily basis. We celebrated with people who we and DD are close to. My family is not very close, but pretends to be. We see each other a few times a year over thanksgiving and christmas and the odd BBQ.

BUT, my MIL decided to fly in for 1 day from across the country to come to the birthday party. Pretty excessive if you ask me, but nice. We didn't necessarily invite her. She invited herself and we couldn't say no to a grandmother wanting to celebrate her first grandchild's birthday. She came with gifts and/or cards from my wife's siblings, an aunt, the great-grandparents. Etc.

Then my family saw pictures on facebook of the little party and were hurt. Fact is, the pictures were not up until over a week after the party. And there was not one card, gift or phone call from my side of the family. My opinion. They can be hurt all they want and I am glad I didn't invite them. It would have taken more energy than it was worth. But I am still kinda hurt that they didn't seem to feel bothered to call and say happy birthday, even if DD wouldn't understand.
Man. Good to get that out. It has been 2.5 months and I didn't even realize I was angry/hurt about it.

[Storm Bride]

I think the issue in the OP isn't so much that her dd's birthday wasn't remembered or noted. Some families just don't make a big deal out of that kind of thing. But, her family evidently does, because they did so with her oldest. It's hard when people who do remember birthdays make an exception for you/your kids, imo.

OP. That's hard. It does seem to be human nature, though. When I had ds1, everybody I knew came to see me in the hospital. When I had dd1, even though I'd been actively trying for almost 10 years (started ttc when ds1 was just under a year old, had three miscarriages and dd1 was born when he was 10 years, 2 months), I had 8 people visit (mom, stepdad, oldest nephew - they were all one unit, an old friend, my godmother and then my brother, sister and old friend of my brother's, all at once). When I had ds2, I had 5 people visit (mom, stepdad, cousin & her dd, who happened to be in town, and my godmother). And, when I had dd2, the only people who visited were my godmother and my mom & stepdad...and they were bringing all my other kids! I went from probably 25-30 visitors with my oldest to 3 with my youngest. On some levels, it really hurt, especially after all my trials and tribulations trying to have them at all. But, it is what it is. DS1 was the first grandchild, and the first baby in my circle of friends. DD2 was the 12th grandchlid. People just aren't that hyped, anymore. It still kind of sucks, though. DD2 is just as big a deal as ds1, dd1 or ds2, yk?

I hope your dd had a nice birthday.