Hey all, just checking in and have come for my weekly support system! If it wasnt for supportive gals like ya'll I think I'd completely fall apart! Today...well, this whole week really, have been extra tough. I don't feel like I'm handling this mama thing very well even though everyone I know tells me I'm doing great. Dp and my work schedules are really taking a toll on me, so its no surprise to me that it must be wearing on Max as well. I also don't have my lisence (have to learn! aacck!) so that definitely makes things worse.
A typical day around here:
4-4:30 am: Max wakes up to nurse, then I snooze for about 15 minutes.
5 am: wake up and get ready for work, get a ride with coworker at 5:30.
6 am- 12 noon: work. dp picks me up at this time and we go home.
12:30-1:30 pm: Dp makes us lunch (yes, he's wonderful) then goes to work. During this time, and the drive home, on any given day, Max will be napping, screaming, whining.
1:30-11:30 pm: Max and I are home. I may attempt tummy time, attempt to make dinner for myself (always a disaster), try to call my mother (who lives far away and isn't as supportive as she could be), try to console Max, nurse Max, get frustrated and put him in his swing or exersaucer. Dp finally homes come. Sometimes its not until after 12...he's a chef and works super late.
After that I try to squeeze in bit of time with Dp is Max is actually asleep but I need to sleep and he's wired and doesn't want to come to bed yet. I go to sleep by myself for a couple hours and repeat the process.
We have coinop laundry in our apt building that takes 3 hours per load and is too expensive to we try to go to a laundromat about once a week to week 1/2. It takes about 2 hours and usually dp drops me off there so we don't have to bring the baby in. This can only happen on one of our days off (varies from week to week) so it is always crammed in somewhere, otherwise, there's a growing mountain of laundry in our apartment.
I don't mean to be such a whiner, but I am just at my wit's end. I've been so stressed out that since yesterday my milk has almost completely dried up. I was finally at a point (I've had low supply sine he was about 3 months old- when I went back to work) where I didn't have to think about how much milk I was making. Any time he fussed or needed me I could nurse him. Now, there's hardly anything and I am devastated. I know stress makes it worse but I don't know how to relax! I've had ppd for the last few months that was bothering me much less once my cycle returned last month. All of a sudden (I know I'm PMSing and should be getting my period this weekend, so perhaps that't the culprit here) everything is falling down around me! I am just flat out exhausted. Our plan originally was for me to stay home after I had Max and not go back to work, which I would LOVE but we just cannot afford it. A friend of hours recently suggested we drop our laundry off and pay to have it done. When I told him we couldn't afford it he said, "Hey, I know you want to be frugal, but think about the time you're gaining from not having to wait there." I told him it isn't being frugal. I don't have an extra $90 a week to have a family sized amount of laundry washed. That mystery money doesn't exist!
So so so stressed. Its days like this I feel like I really can't do this. I am so frustrated and anxious. At least Max is sleeping! Sorry guys. Not really much about my baby in this post but I suppose I should include that! He had his 6 month checkup yesterday. 25th percentile for weight and 80th for height. Lanky, skinny baby! Awe, he was awesome in the dr's office though. I usually love our pedi but when I told him we stopped giving him cereal because he was having digestive troubles, and have just been giving him a couple of frozen chunks of fruit a day (admittedly, not every day, but most), he looked concerned and told us we should be giving him 3 meals a day. And more than one item...I just don't think he's ready personally and don't want to overload him with solids before he wants/needs them. He isn't sitting up yet on his own and though he seems interested in them, is fine with just the milk. When I told him about Max's "moods" he told me that 6 month olds can tend to be a little bit manipulative so I should just let him fuss. Anytime I tell anyone about my trouble trying to console him their response is always "Liz, babies cry! Its fine! He needs to exercise his lungs!" I swear, if I never hear that again I'll be stoked. Obviously he DOES use his lungs. There's no question about that. And I know by "manipulative" he means that he's figured out if he cries he'll gain my attention, but I think manipulative is the wrong word. He's an infant. Of course he needs my attention. As hard as this has been I'm commited to this kind of parenting, and Im going to make it!
Wow. Epic post.
I actually suspect Max will do fine with the journey since his fussiness is so much about wanting something NEW and DIFFERENT. Hope I'm not in for a rude awakening 
. I just feel so defeated sometimes. I know everyone says it gets easier, but I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know I need to take better care of myself, but I just don't know how. Plus, Luna is a horrible sleeper, so add exhaustion on top of everything! Ugh!! This too shall pass, right????????????
. I made an appointment to have a facial this week, which I am super excited about! I definitely need some relaxation. Hopefully it will rejuvenate me.
So sorry you're at the end of your tether. I definitely make it a point to get out at least once a day, and I too am looking into a baby group. I know what you mean about people thinking it must be us as moms if our babies are always fussy. 
