Spirited baby group-October - Page 3

[yippiehippie]

Jack has major sleep issues. The new crib has helped, suprisingly. He wakes every 1/2 hr so I go in there and pat him and since the crib is so springy it bounces him right back to sleep if I catch it early (usually). I set the kitchen timer for 30m and go in and wait for him to stir and start patting! Sometimes at night he'll go an hr or longer in there, but when I come to bed he senses me in the room and wakes. I bring him to bed w/me. I've stopped fighting him being away. He sleeps better if he's not right by me so we have 2 beds next to each other. However, I have to sleep on the same one bc he'll wake up and crawl off the bed otherwise . So he's happy all snuggled up next to me all night and takes advantage of my boobs. Whatever works, right? It's not ideal (I would loooove my space-I sleep so much better), but I know it won't last forever.
DH handled him a lot this weekend to let me sleep so I think I've almost caught up on a 6mo sleep deprivation. Jack did not like that dad got him during the night and really showed him his temper, but DH got to the point where he said "wow, I don't know how you do it!" He was so tired after just a few hrs of one night (he only made it to midnight!) Maybe he realizes just how "spirited" our little one is!

[P.J.]

Originally Posted by yippiehippie

J
DH handled him a lot this weekend to let me sleep so I think I've almost caught up on a 6mo sleep deprivation. Jack did not like that dad got him during the night and really showed him his temper, but DH got to the point where he said "wow, I don't know how you do it!" He was so tired after just a few hrs of one night (he only made it to midnight!) Maybe he realizes just how "spirited" our little one is!

Haha, my DH pretty much refuses to take care of Max for more than 3 or 4 hours at a time, and he always tries to whittle his way out of it if it's that long ~ideal for him is 1-2 hours. He's always like: "Come back soon!". He also gets to the end of his rope faster and tells me "You're so much better at dealing with him", but I say the only difference b/w us in that respect is practice. The longer I take care of Max, the more space I have for his spiritedness!

[mrs.t]

It's so interesting to read everyone's posts...I feel like we are all going through the exact same thing at the same time. It's amazing. Kevin has been having some pretty crappy sleep lately, too. He definitely screams just because he woke up. He FIGHTS sleep for every single nap. Then at night he wakes up whining, and I have to figure out if he wants the boob, the pacifier, if he's too hot or too cold, if he wants to cuddle me or if he wants space, all while I'm half asleep and he's whining in my face. I actually found that he wants to be nursed to sleep again for naps, which he hasn't wanted for months. I'm thinking that he's teething and he's just doing it for comfort, or maybe it's another growth spurt. Either way, I'll do whatever works.

I have a few questions for everyone:

1. I worry sometimes that I'm "spoiling" him, for lack of a better term. It's like, if I always go through hoops to figure out what it is that he wants, or what will calm him at the moment, am I setting him up to be even more demanding? Does that make sense?

2. What responsibilities does your DH take on with your DC? My DH is great with Kevin in terms of playing with him and keeping him occupied, but I feel like I'm doing all the parent-y stuff, like baths, putting him to sleep, etc. Sometimes I think he could take over with the night time routine, and then Kevin will have a bad night where he wants to nurse to sleep or something. I guess I just feel a little burnt out where I'm the one always waking up or soothing him because I'm the one with the boob. I guess I pictured having a full night of sleep once in a while. What was I thinking?

Hope everyone is well!

[Xavismom]

nak

hello all i've been meaning to join this board for a while now, so today i'm going to introduce us, and catch up on all the posts.

checked out the dr. sears list.. Xavi fits almost all of them!

my ds is 11 mo. he was super easy until about 6 mo, and now he just gets more and more intense as he gets older. the hardest challenge for me right now are night waking, and general fussiness.

he is a loving sweet boy though, and very inquisitive and clever. he is the joy of my life

edit to add our intro: Melissa, mom to Xavian, 11-24-09

[LeaPea]

Have any of you read The Wonder Weeks? The book describes babies physical and mental developmental leaps and the weeks they takes place. Just curious because I thought it was interesting. Maybe our high needs babies go through these leaps faster/sooner? Actually, after reading the chapter where Luna is at (19 weeks), it made me feel calmer about her fussiness. It lists all the things they learn, and man, it must be overwhelming and scary!

[momto4plus4]

Originally Posted by mrs.t

1. I worry sometimes that I'm "spoiling" him, for lack of a better term. It's like, if I always go through hoops to figure out what it is that he wants, or what will calm him at the moment, am I setting him up to be even more demanding? Does that make sense?

2. What responsibilities does your DH take on with your DC? My DH is great with Kevin in terms of playing with him and keeping him occupied, but I feel like I'm doing all the parent-y stuff, like baths, putting him to sleep, etc. Sometimes I think he could take over with the night time routine, and then Kevin will have a bad night where he wants to nurse to sleep or something. I guess I just feel a little burnt out where I'm the one always waking up or soothing him because I'm the one with the boob. I guess I pictured having a full night of sleep once in a while. What was I thinking?

Hope everyone is well!

You are NOT spoiling him. My mom and I were just talking about this last week. I work in our church nursery once a week & several ladies talk about how the moms who are just leaving their 5 month olds for the first time are spoiling them and screwing them up. It's SO hard for me not to get into it with them. These are BABIES! They need us to supply all of their needs. Yes, we need to teach them how to calm down, how to soothe themselves but right now, we are that for them. Some babies learn soothing techniques way faster. DD1 was sucking her fingers at 2 months, DS1 I had to force a blankie on and he didn't attach to it (or anything else) until he was over a year. I think if you're listening to your baby now and trying to figure out his needs, it's setting you up for an easier time later. DS1 was high-needs because of allergic colitis, not personality. To this day, when he gets aggressive and out of control, it is often from constipation or over-tiredness. Because I worked so hard to figure him out as an infant, I can better help his needs now as a 5 yr old. I would discipline DD1 if she acted like he can only because I know for her it's personality. But disciplining DS for it would only make the issue worse because it's a physical symptom. Does that make sense? I think you're doing awesome.

I'm single-momming it right now as Dh & I are separated but with the other 3, he started sleep-training them by this point. So, we'd basically start with the first waking and he'd push them off for 30 min to an hour. Or something similar. But none of mine slept through the night until 13 months. He rarely did bath time until they're older. I honestly think it's hard for dads. My dh said it was hard because he couldn't give them what they wanted-nursing. So, he'd struggle to know how to help them. That said, I learned to tell him what I needed, when I needed it. For example: tonight I need a break so I need you to give him a bath (if you think dh "knows" how) and get his pj's on for me. OR, I'm super tired so I need you to get up with him and walk him for 30 minutes to see if he'll go back to sleep. Etc.

I hope that helps!

[P.J.]

Originally Posted by mrs.t

I
1. I worry sometimes that I'm "spoiling" him, for lack of a better term. It's like, if I always go through hoops to figure out what it is that he wants, or what will calm him at the moment, am I setting him up to be even more demanding? Does that make sense?

YES!! I think HN babies beg the question of when is it spoiling them. Already when Max was 4 months or so, DH started being suspicious that we were spoiling him. With a baby that fusses so much, it would be nearly impossible to always go to him every single time. I do let him fuss when I need to do something else, and I think that is okay. That doesn't mean I'm not meeting his needs, because quite some of his fussing is simply him telling the world he is frustrated and not happy at that moment. And it's not my job to protect him from every frustrating moment, kwim? However, I have learned to tell the difference between his angry fussing and his "I really need you" cries. And even when I let him fuss a little, I always acknowledge his feelings and make sure he knows I'm there and not ignoring him.
BTW I was so confused about this very question that I started a thread in the Toddler forum to get more experienced moms' opinions on when meeting their needs becomes giving in to a tantrum. Mostly the said trust your intuition and believe me you'll know when it's a tantrum that you can just let happen. And as for age, +/- one year old the tantrums start happening.

Originally Posted by mrs.t

2. What responsibilities does your DH take on with your DC? My DH is great with Kevin in terms of playing with him and keeping him occupied, but I feel like I'm doing all the parent-y stuff, like baths, putting him to sleep, etc. Sometimes I think he could take over with the night time routine, and then Kevin will have a bad night where he wants to nurse to sleep or something. I guess I just feel a little burnt out where I'm the one always waking up or soothing him because I'm the one with the boob. I guess I pictured having a full night of sleep once in a while. What was I thinking?

Pretty much same story here. Honestly, I don't like to make broad generalizations about men and women, but it seems like we do sort of fall into our roles with being parents. I do more than 90% of diaper changes, putting to sleep, night wakings, getting him dressed, etc etc etc. DH is a very good dad IMO, but he can only handle so much. He also works and makes money for us, which is a HUGE contribution so I always try to remember and be grateful for that. But yeah, sometimes I feel like it's pretty unfair how much of parenting falls on me. FOr example, Max is teething now (first tooth just broke through) and it's HELL. DH happens to be going away this weekend and I was complaining to him about it this morning that I have to be here all alone with this baby who's up all night crying this weekend. But he was like "oh well too bad".

[yippiehippie]

Originally Posted by LeaPea

Have any of you read The Wonder Weeks? The book describes babies physical and mental developmental leaps and the weeks they takes place. Just curious because I thought it was interesting. Maybe our high needs babies go through these leaps faster/sooner? Actually, after reading the chapter where Luna is at (19 weeks), it made me feel calmer about her fussiness. It lists all the things they learn, and man, it must be overwhelming and scary!

I remember hearing about this book a long time ago. Glad you brought it up, I'm gonna check right now if my library has it!

Originally Posted by momto4plus4

You are NOT spoiling him. My mom and I were just talking about this last week. I work in our church nursery once a week & several ladies talk about how the moms who are just leaving their 5 month olds for the first time are spoiling them and screwing them up. It's SO hard for me not to get into it with them. These are BABIES! They need us to supply all of their needs. Yes, we need to teach them how to calm down, how to soothe themselves but right now, we are that for them. Some babies learn soothing techniques way faster. DD1 was sucking her fingers at 2 months, DS1 I had to force a blankie on and he didn't attach to it (or anything else) until he was over a year. I think if you're listening to your baby now and trying to figure out his needs, it's setting you up for an easier time later. DS1 was high-needs because of allergic colitis, not personality. To this day, when he gets aggressive and out of control, it is often from constipation or over-tiredness. Because I worked so hard to figure him out as an infant, I can better help his needs now as a 5 yr old. I would discipline DD1 if she acted like he can only because I know for her it's personality. But disciplining DS for it would only make the issue worse because it's a physical symptom. Does that make sense? I think you're doing awesome.

I'm single-momming it right now as Dh & I are separated but with the other 3, he started sleep-training them by this point. So, we'd basically start with the first waking and he'd push them off for 30 min to an hour. Or something similar. But none of mine slept through the night until 13 months. He rarely did bath time until they're older. I honestly think it's hard for dads. My dh said it was hard because he couldn't give them what they wanted-nursing. So, he'd struggle to know how to help them. That said, I learned to tell him what I needed, when I needed it. For example: tonight I need a break so I need you to give him a bath (if you think dh "knows" how) and get his pj's on for me. OR, I'm super tired so I need you to get up with him and walk him for 30 minutes to see if he'll go back to sleep. Etc.

I hope that helps!

Totally agree w/all this, mama! There's no "spoiling" in our vocabulary. Our kids just need more help, more attention, more, more, more!

Originally Posted by P.J.

. But he was like "oh well too bad".

Well, I think that it helps that I work a couple hrs a couple dys a week. DH has to watch, play with, bathe, etc. DS. Last week he actually put him to bed for the first time! (once again, the crib came in handy-he patted/bounced him down!) Of course he senses when I come home and wakes up soon after, but, hey, progress! DH was so proud and realized he can do more than he thought. I think it just goes back to how husbands like to do a poor job at things and say we do it better...excuses!! I think he is finally realizing how hard it is and he needs to help or I'll go (and, really, who wants a crazy, tired, grumpy wife?)! Two things that help us:
he only works about 25-30 hrs/wk () and I work 8.
I'm the "man" of the relationship ()and I DON'T let him get away w/being as lazy as he'd like.
I really don't know how single moms do it, I couldn't get by w/o DH!

[mrs.t]

Thanks for all the answers! I guess it's true that I do try to figure out what he wants, but if he's just fussing because he's bored I generally let that go a little while before running over and picking him up or something. It's funny, because all of this intuitive parenting really came in handy last night. Kevin was having a horrible night, and most of the time when he's like that it's just gas or something...however this time I knew by his cry that something else was wrong. I started feeling his gums and one side was really swollen! So I got a teething ring and eventually got him to go back to sleep. It was nice to be able to figure it out rather quickly.

I guess being a SAHM sets me up to be the full time parent. I am totally frustrated because with Kevin teething, DH just lets me handle it. I'm so burnt out...then of course AF decided to return today! I need a vacation...

I guess I wish DH would take more responsibility for the routine stuff. He is a great Dad, but I also do 90% of the diaper changes, 100% of the bathing, night time routine every night, etc. I feel like he should know when to put him to bed instead of keeping him up and wondering why he's fussing. I know that's typical, but it's still annoying sometimes.

So what do you ladies use for teething? I caved and gave DS infant ibuprofen tonight. I'm not a huge fan of meds but he desperately needed some sleep and was in obvious pain. I figure if I only give him a dose at night it's not so bad. Hopefully he sleeps well so I can get some rest, too.

[momto4plus4]

I do the Hyland's teething tablets. I know they're recalled but have yet to find any good articles stating clear evidence of the issue at hand. They were the ONLY thing that worked with DS1. Meds made him worse. I also have been doing Arnica and another homeopathic remedy (spacing the name right now). None of my kids have liked wet washcloths or teething rings or ice in a mesh feeder or anything and the orajel never did anything either. Just lots of fussing then ear infections.

I hope tonight is better.

[P.J.]

Max also just got his first tooth! The first night I gave him only homeopathic stuff, but he was in such pain. So the next day I went out and got some baby Tylenol. I prefer not to use such intense meds, but I just couldn't go on letting him suffer in pain knowing there was something I could give him that would end the pain. Last night I didn't give it to him before bed, but he woke up in the middle of the night crying and sticking his fingers in his mouth so I gave him some more. So far today haven't used any (only more of the homeopthics), but I will if he is in obvious pain again. I just can't sit there and watch him suffer. Poor little guy!

[mrs.t]

I just bought Camilia...anyone ever try that? It was at my local health food store, where the hylands used to be. Seemed worth a shot, and it's in these single dose capsules (it's liquid). I have yet to try it.

Also, I found these things called mum mum baby rice husks. It's basically like a huge rice krispy, it dissolves with saliva but Kevin liked gnawing on it.

[yippiehippie]

I definitely give Jack tylenol if he's in much pain. I don't love doing it, but I hate seeing him hurting-it's definitely worth it. He started teething at only 3mo. and I bought him an amber necklace which he's worn since, so I really think that's helped us (his first two came at 5 mo.). He also has sofie, my fingers, cold/frozen washcloths (loves these), and Hylands. I didn't hear about a recall on them-so are they not available anymore?! They seemed to work unless it was bad.
I have wondered about arnica-does it seem to work well? How much do you give? I'm also curious about the camillia, let us know how it works!

[momto4plus4]

Originally Posted by mrs.t

I just bought Camilia...anyone ever try that? It was at my local health food store, where the hylands used to be. Seemed worth a shot, and it's in these single dose capsules (it's liquid). I have yet to try it.

Also, I found these things called mum mum baby rice husks. It's basically like a huge rice krispy, it dissolves with saliva but Kevin liked gnawing on it.

That's the other one I use! Obviously not in the last few days or I wouldn't have forgotten!

We also do the mum mums but he's so constipated I haven't given him any solids today and very little the last couple days.

yippie: I just follow the directions on the bottle. I think it helps. I used it after my c-section and it helped. My issue=forgetting about it.

We're having a BAD day here. 5 hrs of screaming. Guessing it's teeth. I broke down and gave him ibuprofen for the first time ever. He's sleeping. I should be too but I'm using the time to get some computer time in while I can. Weary today.

[braidmama]

Hey mamas!
I totally can't keep up with this thread...aaack :/

Maxwell is working on tooth #2! And he is rolling over FINALLY! So awesome. There have definitely been a few sleepless nights and witching hours with him teething but overall he's been about as fussy as usual. He's started becoming more and more interested in toys and I have a tummy time "station" set up in our living room that he's been hanging out at quite a lot. He's becoming more and more able to entertain himself with toys (for short periods of time) which is a lifesaver when I'm trying to get chores done, and he usually loves the exersaucer. He actually started drifitng off to sleep in it the other night and was doing the thing where his head starts to fall asleep...and the he would wake up and on an on. It was adorable!

Depression and anxiety have been...not so well lately. I'm really considering taking meds even though I really would rather not. Sleep deprivation has been insane since his birth. I get up at 4:30 am and there is just no way I can go to sleep early enough in the night to get enough rest. Things need to be done! However I am realizing that its more important that I'm rested, otherwise I'm super stressed out and frustrated which is no good for any of us. And I really believe it has affected Max from the beginning. I try not to blame myself for his unhappy moods but its hard not to see a connection there.

Not too much else going on, Max is babbling right now and its so cute! Oh, how I love this little man

[mamma2j]

introduction

Oh can we join this post??? I think my 6 mo DD is a high needs baby! To tell you the truth she is very happy during waking hours, especially if we go out, but naptime and bedtime are major issues which drain me with each day. She also has total separation anxiety, and cries when others hold her - and FORGET leaving the house!! Last time we tried she screamed hysterically the entire hour we were gone - poor baby!

I kept thinking these things were just phases, but after 6 mos of little sleep, I think it's safe to label her HN.

To make matters worse, I spent the first 7 weeks of her life in constant tears because she would scream with each nursing. Finally, after very poor weight gain and severe pain for me, concluded she wasn't latching well and resorted to exclusive pumping (talk about draining!) Did that for the next four months which darn near killed me - especially because she had multiple allergies an I was on a total elimination (aka starvation!) diet. Now on formula and still trying to deal emotionally with the sadness of not being able to bf (especially when she needs so much comfort.)

well - that is us grateful for this group!

[yippiehippie]

Welcome, mama2j!

Where is everyone? Busy dealing w/your LOs, I guess

So Jack is now pulling up to standing-eek! I'm so not ready for this! He's still not crawling off his tummy yet, but almost. He is just so curious and busy! Oh so hard to keep up with! At least he's happier now, being able to get around. Ive been sick for a month now so i'm exhausted.

[mrs.t]

Hey Mamas! Just checking in to tell you that I will start a new thread for November later on tonight...hope all is well!