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Need some ideas - advice

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 
A very dear friend of mine (we are both in our 40's) we went all the way through school together from K through HS graduation, has since November, lost her sister, her brother and last Saturday her father.

She is now in the position of having to get her mom into assisted living and sell the house they all grew up in.

Other than offering my shoulder and any help I can provide with the move and clean out and the call me whenever you need me and really meaning it, is there anything else I can do. I seriously don't know how this woman is managing to get out of bed in the morning. I just really feel like I could do more for her, I just don't know what
post #2 of 5
Oh my...poor woman

If I had to imagine, I think that helping her to FEEL alive (whatever makes HER feel that way) is the support she may need at this moment. So if you know something she is passionate about (whether it is a rock climbing, camping or a kneeting group) I think she could use that.

Also I think the kind of emotional support she may need depends on the circumstanses of her loved ones' death. Say, if there was a suicide involved, she may need one kind of help to prosess it. Or if it was a cancer, she parhaps may need to be around healthy food/lifestyle to see that she isn't going the same road, etc. I'm no expert though, just something that makes sense to ME personally...
post #3 of 5
If you don't mind sharing the circumstanses of her family members' death, it can be helpful in figuring out how to help her. For example, if there is a patern in their death, I think it is important to show her that neither her nor the rest of her family is going to fall this patern.
post #4 of 5
i think you are doing all you can.

there is only so much you can do. and you are offering it all. and you have to wait for her to accept it.

i know during times like that we forget our basic needs. so if you have simple cooked frozen meals for her that would be good. provided you can make what she likes.
post #5 of 5
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yulia_R View Post

Also I think the kind of emotional support she may need depends on the circumstanses of her loved ones' death. Say, if there was a suicide involved, she may need one kind of help to prosess it. Or if it was a cancer, she parhaps may need to be around healthy food/lifestyle to see that she isn't going the same road, etc. I'm no expert though, just something that makes sense to ME personally...
They were all heart related 2 detected, one not. Her sister died in her car in a parking lot and was not located until she was reported missing the next morning. Her brother had been having heart trouble and was just home from the hospital and reportedly recovering well. Her father was in long term heart failure and my friend believes that her brothers death was just the last straw for him (their deaths were so close that they are actually on the same page of the funeral homes obit list).

Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee View Post
i think you are doing all you can.

there is only so much you can do. and you are offering it all. and you have to wait for her to accept it.

i know during times like that we forget our basic needs. so if you have simple cooked frozen meals for her that would be good. provided you can make what she likes.
I did drop dinner off (all her favorites) and left her a frozen casserole that should feed the family for at least 2 meals.

We (a few friends and I) have booked a spa day for the whole group. I am planning on spending next Sunday over at her parents house helping her sort through 45 years worth of family memories.

Thanks to you both - I guess I am doing all I can - It's just absolutely breaking my heart I feel like I want to take some of the pain away, but I guess thats impossible.
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