Cash gifts that come with stipulations - Page 2

[lilyka]

I would put it in the bank and wait for something to come up. Around here we have a lot of great stuff but you have to look for it. Look through public schools and community ed, parks and rec, check the want ads etc. You are more likely to find music classes though but dance/tumble classes etc might pop up. I grew up in a really small town and every now and then little classes would pop up. Depending on who had talent and wanted to make a few dollars Also I have been surprised by the dance/music/art classes offered by park and rec here. Usually just one to three days and around $15. Super fun, low key. Maybe come summer they will have something available.

And I would tell FIl that if he wants dd in real dance lessons he would need to gift her all the money. Or at least half. Holy crap. around here $100 would maybe cover shoes, leotard and registration. Never mind tuition ($75 a month), pictures and recital fees.

[Linda on the move]

I would take it as a sweet gesture, though. I'm sure he just has no idea how much that stuff actually cost, and the cost varies widely from place to place. When my oldest was 3, she took a dance class through parks and rec that cost $24 and wore a dance outfit from Target!

I'd right him a nice thank you saying that you will look around for the right class, and then put money in the bank until something comes up that feels right. If she doesn't have her own account, this would be a GREAT time to start one.

Moms fault grandparents ALL the time for giving the wrong gifts, giving too many gifts, giving gifts that fall apart, etc. He just wants her to have a nice experience, so the money can go for that when the time comes.

[ssh]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

I would take it as a sweet gesture, though. I'm sure he just has no idea how much that stuff actually cost, and the cost varies widely from place to place.

The OP said she had told him how much lessons cost.

I'd start a savings account for her and tell FIL you'll put her in lessons when there's enough money for it, if she's still interested.

[colsxjack]

I would start a savings account for her and tell him you are saving for dance lessons. Since he already has been told how much they are, maybe he will gift her more towards it for christmas and next birthday, etc and she can take the lessons when shes ready and there is enough money.

OR, you can say no thank you and return the money.

I am a little shocked about the stipulation that it has to be for dance or music if not dance. He assumes she will be interested in dance. What if she wants to be a hockey player? Or an artist? Or a football player? It is sad that she is only 3 and already has expectations from Grandpa that she will be interested in becoming a dancer or musician.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by ElaynesMom

And yes, my FIL does know how much the lessons cost. He mentioned this gift idea to me before her birthday, and I told him how much the lessons cost and said that we probably won't be putting my dd in lessons this year, but maybe in another year or so if she wants to.

Since you told him this, he may have thought you meant that you would be putting her in lesson soon after the new year, so he was just putting in some money for that. You had expressed a plan to do the lessons anyway, so his putting money towards it would seem to him like making it easier for you to do sooner.

[leighi123]

Are you sure there isnt a cheaper place to take lessons?

My ds did a dance class this summer that was $30/month at the rec center, and it was great! They also have music classes, gymnastics, science and a ton of other stuff.

Maybe try looking around a bit more for a dance or music class you can afford.

[One_Girl]

Do you have a community center in your area or a YMCA? That would go for a year of classes where I live from good teachers at either of these places. They also have very generous financial aid at both to make the classes accessible to everyone. Outfits are usually not necessary and there are many donated items at the community center for kids to use if they need to.

[EdnaMarie]

Originally Posted by gbailey

Just an FYI most programs offer discounts but they don't advertise it. We went to a demo a year ago for DD and when we were presented with the cost we were up front in not being able to afford it. The instructor told me to email her and she would forward me the discounts available. They waived the registration fee and we received 15% off. HTH

Thanks! It's worth looking into, but these programs are way, way beyond our means. We'd need about a 75% discount, and given that they are small studios, I'm not really interested in going around begging so a musician can cut his own livelihood for our sake.

[pigpokey]

I'd just put it away until she starts lessons in something. Like if I got a gift card to a boutique and I didn't want anything there right now, I'd just put it away, assuming the card didn't have an expiration date.

If you think he really WANTS YOU TO SPEND IT NOW you can buy some used Muzzy or something. Or a couple of dance class DVDs and a ballet outfit.

[mamazee]

I'd probably try to be true to the spirit of the gift as much as I could, but I understand not getting started with lessons (which really do add up.) Maybe a 6-week art class through community ed would cost 100 dollars. Something like that, which is a class but is more around that amount of money.

[St. Margaret]

Originally Posted by ElaynesMom

No, the nearest YMCA location is a half hour drive away. I don't drive, and my dh does rotating shift work (days and nights as well as days of the week) so he is unavailable every other week for weekly classes.



We could swing it, it wouldn't come out of our budget for rent, food, etc., but we are really trying to save for a down payment since we currently rent, and we have a pitifully small emergency fund, and we still owe money on our car, etc. Maybe it sounds bad, but there are just so many other things we could put our money towards. Like I said, in another year or so when she shows more interest in these types of things, we will put her in lessons or a class. Until then we will put the 100 dollars away.



And yes, my FIL does know how much the lessons cost. He mentioned this gift idea to me before her birthday, and I told him how much the lessons cost and said that we probably won't be putting my dd in lessons this year, but maybe in another year or so if she wants to. He still gave the 100 dollars and specified it was for lessons. I think he feels we should be putting her in lessons of some sort, so by giving us money for them we will feel obligated to do so. He can sometimes be that way about things.

Okay, that's totally annoying! He doesn't get to tell you how to spend your money, or even your time. You have to do what you feel is financially responsible for your family. Put the money away for when she really wants to take a class, or spend it on whatever you want for her, now or then, honestly. If he bugs you about not spending it now, tell him, oh, I told you how much lessons are, we'll have to save up more presents down the line :P or wait until we can really afford it. Or if you spend it, just say, oh, I thought it was a GIFT.

Kids don't really NEED classes. Especially very young kids. We can't even afford our rec center ones, but we just do stuff at home and find the good free programs like at the library. I wouldn't sweat it.