SPD (?) and sleep, please help!

[July09Mama]

Hi! I haven't posted here before, but we're starting to wonder about SPD for my 14 month old dd. Lots of issues, but right now we're really trying to work on sleep.
DD has sidelying nursed to sleep basically her whole life. We used to just lay next to each other and when she drifted off she'd roll onto her tummy. Lately (about 3 months), though, it's like she just can't make herself stay still. She sits and stands up even when she's obviously VERY tired. It can take over an hour of me laying her back down over and over again.
In the past few weeks, I've started using my leg to hold her down. I lay her down on her tummy and put my leg over her bottom/lower back and she turns her head to me to nurse. She usually cries and panics, screaming and trying to escape, for 1-2 minutes and then calms and nurses to sleep. It really seems like that pressure might help her? Or she just needs help being still for a while so she can calm her body? It makes me feel TERRIBLE, though, holding her down while she screams. I'm afraid I'm creating some awful sleep associations for her and maybe even making her afraid to go to bed, making it worse.
I've been thinking about a weighted blanket, but my dd hates having anything over her. She doesn't even sleep with a regular blanket. In our bed, I have to be very careful to keep my blanket off of her or she freaks out. She also can't tolerate anything on her feet. Like, really can't stand it. I guess this isn't place where I have to try to convince you all of that, though, huh? Sidenote, but I'm SO SICK of trying to explain to people that it's not just that she doesn't like socks, or that "she'll wear the footed pajamas if I just let her get cold enough" (thanks mom!).
Anyway, I know the weighted blanket wouldn't be something she would really like, but maybe it would be good for her? She does wake often through the night still (every 1-2 hours), and I wonder if it might help with that. Should I try to get one short enough that it won't cover her feet, or do you think that might be another doesn't like but is good for her thing?
Thank you all so much for reading!

[justKate]

Originally Posted by July09Mama

DD has sidelying nursed to sleep basically her whole life. We used to just lay next to each other and when she drifted off she'd roll onto her tummy. Lately (about 3 months), though, it's like she just can't make herself stay still. She sits and stands up even when she's obviously VERY tired. It can take over an hour of me laying her back down over and over again.
In the past few weeks, I've started using my leg to hold her down. I lay her down on her tummy and put my leg over her bottom/lower back and she turns her head to me to nurse. She usually cries and panics, screaming and trying to escape, for 1-2 minutes and then calms and nurses to sleep. It really seems like that pressure might help her? Or she just needs help being still for a while so she can calm her body? It makes me feel TERRIBLE, though, holding her down while she screams. I'm afraid I'm creating some awful sleep associations for her and maybe even making her afraid to go to bed, making it worse.

Your bedtime routine sounds EXACTLY like ours did. FWIW, 12-17 mos. was the worst of it for us. First of all, DO NOT feel bad about giving her the pressure she needs to get to sleep. It's waaay more common than you think. People (not so much here in SN, but elsewhere on MDC) don't talk about it because (I think) they find it un-gentle. But it is gentle and loving to give your child what they need to relax and feel soothed enough to sleep. Here's my old post on the exact same thing.

So re. providing pressure with your body--that's fine. You're not hurting her, she responds well. From about 3 mos. to 16 mos., Huz or I would hold DD down to get her to sleep. She couldn't keep her limbs still, and it obviously was upsetting to her. What worked best for us was either nurse sidelying with an arm over her arm/torso and a leg over her legs, or to kind of "spoon" her, using our forearm to hold her arm down to her chest. After a while she would reach and pull our arm over her, almost asking for the pressure.

Now at 20 mos., she gets that its time for nigh night, and doesn't want to be held down (usually). So when she's really squirmy, I can ask, "do you want mama to hold you tight?" and she'll say "no," and lay down. I've also had a lot of success with telling her that Mama is going nigh night, and rolling over and pretending to sleep while she (eventually) settles down. It still takes up to an hour and a half every night.

Re. weighted blanket/dislike of blankets--DD also hates blankets. HATES THEM. She won't tolerate the weighted blanket to get to sleep, but if I put it over her from the time I leave her in our bed until I come back to bed, it seems to help her stay asleep. If you go this route, make sure you get an appropriate weight for your child's size.

Have you done some reading on SPD? It sounds like an OT eval is in order if you're thinking along that line. We had ours done at 15 mos., and it was good to get confirmation of my concerns. There are a lot of activities that you can do at home to try to organize some of the behaviors.....

I don't check SN that much so PM me if you have questions. Good luck! I know its hard. Your DD is lucky to have you!

[earthmama369]

That was right about the age when ds's SPD became very apparent, though we didn't recognize that and get a diagnosis until he was 3. He got mobile and stopped being in a sling for hours, and then he stopped sleeping, because he wasn't getting the sensory input he needed during the day. Once we did figure things out and starting working with an OT, she helped him regulate his sensory and sleep needs within a few weeks. After two-and-a-half YEARS of nightly screaming and multiple sleep interruptions, and trying everything we could think of, it felt like she waved her magic wand!

Needless to say, I'm a big proponent of getting early evaluations and working with an OT if it's indicated. It can make a huge difference.

[July09Mama]

Thank you both so much! We're planning to get her evaluated soon.
JustKate, it's so nice to know that I'm not the only one. I just feel so mean, but you're right, it really does seem to be what she needs. I've only just started reading about SPD, but it seems to fit dd pretty well. I think I'll go ahead and get a blanket and experiment with when and how it might work best for her.
Thanks again!

[nayma]

before you spend the money on a weighted blanket (they can be pricey), i'd get a pillowcase and fill it with rice or such. try that out and see if she even responds. if so, weighted blanket might be a good choice. if not, you'll have saved yourself lots of money.
and i want to say, i hear ya! i was there several years ago (dd is about to turn 4), and it is so, so difficult. others don't understand, and sometimes you feel so alone. please keep trusting your gut, and reminding yourself that your family just can't get it yet, and it's not your fault. for a long while, dd would hardly wear clothes, and would strip in public as soon as she became overstimulated. i remember the day my mom gave me a hard time for letting her wear pajamas out in public. i was like, are you effing kidding me? - she's clothed, and you obviously don't understand how awesome that is!" lol.
on a lighter note, some things really do get better. i thought she would always hate clothes, shoes, socks, coats, hats, etc. these days, as long as she can pick them out, she LOVES clothes. will she wear all the traditional things in traditional ways - no. but she has a hilarious, unique sense of style, and people even comment on it .
hang in there. xxx

[hadleys_mom]

Oh I remember those days! For what it is worth, DD is soon to be 7 and bedtime isn't near the issue it once was. It will get easier.

I found that a combination of shaking and rocking at the same time helped. It seemed like she was craving the vestibular input of getting up and moving around so while side lying nursing, I'd reach around grab her butt and shake it in short, quick movements creating a vibrating effect then with the other arm I'd pull her towards me and then rock my body (and in turn hers) at a slow steady pace. I'd do these two things at the same time until she settled or fell asleep. It was a workout but it worked. You may want to try lots of vestibular and proprioceptive seeking activities about an hour before bed. It may help to calm her system. Best of luck!

[khaoskat]

I will also make two additional suggestions:

1) Referral to a Pediatric Sleep Clinic
2) Have Serum Iron levels drawn (not just the finger prick that your doctor's office does, but the needle in the arm take a vial of blood test through a lab).

Some of your sleep issues could be RLS, and RLS can be caused by low iron levels. My son has always come back fine on those finger pricks, but we recently as part of his work up by the sleep clinic had his serum levels drawn and they came back at almost 1/2 of what the Sleep Clinic Doc prefers them to be.