NOBODY calls her Ellen

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Everyone calls her Bean. Even me. Since the day she was born.

When I filled out the kindergarten paperwork, I put Bean on every piece of paper except for the one where they insist on the full legal name. Just that one little piece of paper.

It says Bean on her backpack. It says Bean on her lunchbox. It says Bean on her coat.

And the kindergarten teacher not only calls her Ellen, but instructs all the other children, even the ones not in the same class (the neighborhood kids in other classes in the same school) to call her Ellen.

What's up with that? Why can't she be called by her nickname? She prefers to be called Bean. Is this normal? Is she going to hereby be Ellen for the rest of her public school life?

[4Blessings]

I imagine it is a lot easier on a teacher to learn one name for each child rather than their given name AND their nickname

Tom for Thomas is one thing but if Tom wants to be called Buddy it gets to be a lot to learn so many names

[Chamomile Girl]

Originally Posted by 4Blessings

I imagine it is a lot easier on a teacher to learn one name for each child rather than their given name AND their nickname

Tom for Thomas is one thing but if Tom wants to be called Buddy it gets to be a lot to learn so many names

As a teacher I disagree with the above. Learning what students want to be called is really no big deal (and if a high school teacher with 150 students can do it , it's got to be cake for early ed).

Sometimes teachers are really strange about nicknames they find objectionable, and they refuse to use them. If it is important to you that your daughter go by her nickname then I think you are probably going to have to deal with the teacher directly. Try not to go through your daughter for this one...do it yourself. If that doesn't work then I would recommend councilling your daughter to only answer to Bean if you two are comfortable wit that. Personally I feel the way the teacher is approaching the issue shows an unfortunate lack of respect.

[MusicianDad]

What she said.

And really, it is very disrespectful for the teacher to not only insist one calling your DD Ellen, but to insist that others call her that as well. Even if the teacher is required to call her by her first name (which I highly doubt) your DD should be the one instructing other students on how she wants to be addressed.

And she won't be Ellen for the rest of her public school life. Most teachers would rather call a student by their preferred nickname than a legal name the child doesn't like.

[treeoflife3]

I've always had teachers who made it a point to ask each student A) how their names are pronounced and B) what they prefer to be called. I'm baffled by a teacher who not only refuses to use her prefered name, but refuses to allow OTHER PEOPLE to use her prefered name.

I'd be peeved and I'd talk to the teacher about it for sure. It isn't hard to learn 'bean' especially when she has friends who already call her that. It is definitely disrespectful to completely ignore preference when it comes to names. I know how annoyed I used to get when people would pronounce my name wrong or call me by a common nickname of my name AFTER I had told them the correct pronunciation or that I didn't care for the nickname.

[bluebunny]

I agree with the others that the teacher is being disrespectful by refusing to call your DD by her nickname AND instructing others to call her by her legal name. I would definitely speak to the teacher about it.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Originally Posted by 4Blessings

I imagine it is a lot easier on a teacher to learn one name for each child rather than their given name AND their nickname

Tom for Thomas is one thing but if Tom wants to be called Buddy it gets to be a lot to learn so many names

If she wants to let her given name fall out of her head, I won't complain

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Thanks for the advice. It sounds like it might be possible for her to be called Bean if she wishes. I'll talk to the teacher on Monday (I'm going to be volunteering in the class).

[SubliminalDarkness]

I actually do remember growing up that kids weren't supposed to go by nicknames. You could go by a truncated version of your own name. Or in a handful of cases, your middle name. But no teachers allowed an altogether different nickname.

In retrospect, I don't know if that made sense or not. I guess it sort of does.... in a way. Not sure.

Maybe it's just a different sort of school environment? Like down here where we live currently, the kids have to say, "Yes, ma'am." To me, that's nuts, but that's just how it's done here.

[nola79]

Originally Posted by bluebunny

I agree with the others that the teacher is being disrespectful by refusing to call your DD by her nickname AND instructing others to call her by her legal name. I would definitely speak to the teacher about it.

This. The teacher is being ridiculous. My son does not go by his legal first name and it has never been a problem.

[WantRice]

I once made the mistake of asking a class of 6 year olds if they go by something other than what was on the attendance. I could see the wheels turning in some of their heads and one boy told me he wanted to be called Twister. At that point I wasn't sure if he decided on the spot that that's what he wanted to be called, or if his family really called him that. I assumed the former and didn't call him Twister because I thought his parents might think I was nuts if they heard me call him Twister when that wasn't actually the name he went by. Oh and yeah, he totally made it up on the spot.

Anyway, I'm sure if you tell the teacher that she is to be called Bean, she will. Otherwise, she'll look like a fool.

In other name stories. I know of a little boy who didn't even know his real name until he started kindergarten. He was called Baby Boo by everyone in his family. I wonder how long that nickname would have stuck if the teacher had been willing to call him Baby Boo.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Originally Posted by WantRice

Is it possible that the teacher has no idea that everyone else in her life calls her Bean?

I once made the mistake of asking a class of 6 year olds if they go by something other than what was on the attendance. I could see the wheels turning in some of their heads and one boy told me he wanted to be called Twister. At that point I wasn't sure if he decided on the spot that that's what he wanted to be called, or if his family really called him that. I assumed the former and didn't call him Twister because I thought his parents might think I was nuts if they heard me call him Twister when that wasn't actually the name he went by. Oh and yeah, he totally made it up on the spot.

Bean would do that, actually. Only it wouldn't be Twister. It would be something like "Rose Sparkles Johnson Hallelujah." And she would be totally, absolutely serious.

[Purple*Lotus]

Could she have asked to be called Ellen?

The only reason I ask is because my parents enrolled me in school by the nickname that they called me at home. The teachers did honor it, however, even though I was young, I hated that nickname and did not want to be called that at school. I preferred being called by my real name.

[candipooh]

Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie

Bean would do that, actually. Only it wouldn't be Twister. It would be something like "Rose Sparkles Johnson Hallelujah." And she would be totally, absolutely serious.

my daughter changed her name al the time. She went through a "rose sparkle dragon" faze. She asked me if I would legally change her name to that,lol. Her name is actually Sage but I call her smidge.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Originally Posted by Purple*Lotus

Could she have asked to be called Ellen?

The only reason I ask is because my parents enrolled me in school by the nickname that they called me at home. The teachers did honor it, however, even though I was young, I hated that nickname and did not want to be called that at school. I preferred being called by my real name.

I doubt she would have asked to be called Ellen, but if her teacher were to say something like, "would you like to be called Ellen?" she would have nodded. She's very fearful of the teacher and the rules and all that. She wouldn't have been able to express a genuine preference unless it was worded exactly right, I don't think.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Originally Posted by candipooh

my daughter changed her name al the time. She went through a "rose sparkle dragon" faze. She asked me if I would legally change her name to that,lol. Her name is actually Sage but I call her smidge.

Smidge is adorable

[chfriend]

Could bean be a term that refers to something offensive in her mind?

I called my oldest Beany Beany Buck-a-teeny as a nickname, but am occasionally instructed to avoid that particular nickname in public now that's she's turning 10.

[pregnant@40]

Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie

I doubt she would have asked to be called Ellen, but if her teacher were to say something like, "would you like to be called Ellen?" she would have nodded. She's very fearful of the teacher and the rules and all that. She wouldn't have been able to express a genuine preference unless it was worded exactly right, I don't think.

Then you can't blame the teacher. If it's that important to you, just talk to her directly & this will probably be solved in a jiffy.

Another angle -- I call my son bunny, but he told me the other day that I can't call him that in front of his classmates (he's a big kid now). He wants me to continue calling him that at home, though.

[waiflywaif]

How does *she* feel about being called Ellen at school? Maybe it doesn't bug her that much. I wouldn't talk to the teacher unless my kid actually wanted me to.

[karne]

When my son started kindy, he told all of his friends that his real name was something (I forget precisely now) he basically invented, and asked to be called by that name. I didn't figure this out until I noticed other kids calling good-by to my son, with a name I didn't reognize-and this was a few weeks into school! He was also writing this on school papers as his name. He told me it was a good chance to start over with a new name.