So incredibly frustrated and ds's feelings are hurt...

[babygrant]

Yesterday my son (who just turned 7 today!) came home from school in a VERY bad mood. Was cranky, snapping at me, and just not his happy self. After a while he just burst into tears and was almost hyperventilating because he was crying so hard. He told me that all day at school the kids in his class were caling him fatty. So instead of saying for example "Here's the papers Austin" they would say "Here's the papers fatty". He told the teacher but the kids never stopped. All day they just called him fatty.

DS has been coming home for the past few days with his sandwich not eaten and half of his lunch still in his pack. He kept telling me "I'm just not hungry". Yesterday he admitted to me that he doesn't want to eat because the kids call him fat and he wants to lose weight.

DS is built EXACTLY like my husband. He has absolutely NO problem carrying 30-40 pound cynder blocks. But ask him to sprint and he has a hard time running that fast. He can carry things that I can barely carry! He isn't skinny, but he doesn't have rolls of fat.

I'm so angry. My mom went through something similar with my brother except my brother was scrawny. My mom learned that the more she went and talked to the teacher the more my brother got bugged because then he was referred to as a nark.

I don't know what I should do. DS had a good day at school today, there was no teasing BUT it was also his birthday so he brought treats in for all of the kids. I want to go talk to the teacher, but I also know that my son is VERY VERY sensitive. He aims to please everyone. He would give the shirt off of his back to a total stranger.

Any advice??

[hollytheteacher]

[omelette]

That breaks my heart.
I would go and talk to the teacher once, your ds doesn't need to be aware of this. Let her know what's going on and ask her to have a class talk about friendship, being respectful, teasing etc; not mentioning your sons situation but a general discussion. Even if only one child picks up on the mean-spiritedness of calling your son names then he has one friend who will stand up for him.

[Cujobunny]

Whoa. I`d be calling the teacher or the principal right away. Most schools have an antibullying policy in place and are pretty strict about it. This is definitely bullying and I would take it very seriously. Your poor ds does not deserve this, it can have some pretty serious effects.
to you and him.

[cappuccinosmom]

Talk to the teacher. That it continued all day is unacceptable--either those children were not being properly supervised, or the teacher (teachers?) was not intervening when he/she should have.

Now, personally I would be working with my son on his sensitivity, and especially his "dieting". People are going to be stupid, and say stupid stuff. This is a good opportunity to practice rejecting idiotic comments and seeing them for what they really are. If we let the stupidity of other people control us, we will live very miserable lives. And I would use that word, too. It's a strong word but I think appropriate. That's not to say I think the teasing should go on. Just that now that it's happened, you have an opportunity to teach him something important with a real-life experience that he can grasp. It's sad that something like that would even be a "teachable moment".

I've been the "fat kid" even when I wasn't really fat (though I am now ). I just wasn't as skinny as the other kids. So hurtful and frustrating.

[Ornery]

I'm sorry. My oldest had some of the same struggles. Not only was his build stocky but he got glasses and he started a new school in the 2nd grade.

Honestly, I had to really work with my child about how to deflect the bullies. Not to say that the school shouldn't work hard with the children about being sensitive and not calling names and not bullying, but there will be times that the teacher/school can't be there and there will be kids that will prey on weakness if they see it.

We role played like crazy. Constantly. We'd be driving and talking about what to do if someone said this thing or acted like this or did that. It wasn't done in a way that made my son feel on the spot but just worked into conversation. We'd watch tv and talk about different responses to different situations. We'd read books and use them to relate. We also really picked out the good things about whatever they might be picking on him about (i.e., stocky build = great football player or glasses are just like Harry Potter). It was a ton of work but he became really good at deflecting the bullies. They did put him in a friendship class with the two biggest bullies in his class and that also worked magic for him.

I was just thinking that I still role play or talk about situations a lot with him. Now that he is a teenager (15!), we talk about peer pressure, drugs, driving dangers, etc. I've also started doing it with my dd now that she is in first grade in public school.

[lach]

I'm so sorry Kids can be so mean.

I found this article to be one of the best things I've read about bullying. It might help you guys. Basically, it says that his reaction is more important than whatever it is they're teasing him for (in this case, his weight) in terms of encouraging more bullying. The mean kids don't even care about that... they just like that he gets upset and so they continue. It offers some ideas about how to encourage him to stand up for himself.

[SunshineJ]

Wow that's harsh. I can't believe the teacher allowed it to continue either. I agree with a pp about the anti-bullying and zero tolerance policies. Check your district's website and see what their policy is. Definitely speak privately with the teacher, and don't hesitate to escalate it if that doesn't change anything.

In the meantime, how you deal with it now that it's happened is also important. You said your ds was built just like your DH. Is he in shape? If so, point out to your son that your DH has the same build and that he's not "fat". (If your DH is like mine and could stand to lose a few pounds, then maybe find pictures of men with different body types to show that there are different builds and all of them are ok). Also, would it help to have your son participate in packing his own lunches? I'm sure you pack healthy lunches for him the majority of the time if not always, but maybe have the whole healthy vs unhealthy foods and have him pick out what he wants to take. Then if any of the kids say anything he may have more confidence in what he's chosen to bring.

I'm sorry. That just really sucks.

[pregnant@40]

Originally Posted by lach

I'm so sorry Kids can be so mean.

I found this article to be one of the best things I've read about bullying. It might help you guys. Basically, it says that his reaction is more important than whatever it is they're teasing him for (in this case, his weight) in terms of encouraging more bullying. The mean kids don't even care about that... they just like that he gets upset and so they continue. It offers some ideas about how to encourage him to stand up for himself.

great article!

[One_Girl]

I would send an e-mail to the teacher and cc a copy to the principal bringing this to her attention and asking her to intervene before it turns into bullying. It sounds like it has been going on for a while if he has stopped eating his lunch.

[K1329]

http://www.loveandlogic.com/pages/teaseproof.html

Here's another good article. Unfortunately, I think your son is going to have to take a big role in changing the situation. This article gives some good tips!

[meemee]

babygrant i have the exact problem.

dd is rolly polly carrying baby fat exactly like her dad who didnt lose it till his early teens.

and the person who has been calling her fat was her own dad. yes him.

i can say it comes out of love and concern but misdirected. i've tried to tell him time and time again. he started at 5. after a couple of years it has come down. the thing is dd has growth spurts in summer. she grows wide and fat. and then suddenly overnight shoots up. not sooo much fat, but still not skinny.

dd is not a monkey bar but she is strong and has stamina. she cant run but can swim 50 laps effortlessly.

so i have been preparing dd from when she was 4. actually from when she was 2 because she is the odd one out and the kids sometimes dont understand her.

one of the things i have worked with her is her sense of self. some of her girl scouts tease her too about being fat. sometimes others call her fat too. but not ALL the time.

so i asked her what does she think of herself. is she fat? does SHE think she is fat. she was starting to stop eating when her dad told her. she would walk around the mirror suck in her pot belly and ask me if she looked thin.

dd everybody has a mouth, everybody has language, everybody has the right to their opinion. its their own opinion. but is that who you are? do they define who you are. yes you are not as skinny as them, but are YOU fat. according to yourself. if YOU think you are fat i will sit and try and figure out what to do. not sure if i CAN do anything, but we can try. you are eating healthy, getting enough if not too much outside time. she thought about it for a while and then said no she wasnt fat.

i have also taken old albums and shown her how her daddy was 'fat' too. how its genetics. i've even told her how its nice to not worry if she falls sick and loses weight. she wont be skin and bones. how its nice when i hug her she has some softness to hug.

so this is not now. but talkign going on for ages. sometimes the lunch monitor does not believe dd when dd goes and complains. but however it really helps dd having her own attitude towards words from others.

the movie bridge to terabithia helped too to understand bullies. it was huge. dd doesnt like seeing others as bad - even those who bully her. so she has been able to not only fall for the teasing but somehow has been able to make friends with the bullies.

teh second thing was that her school is on this big time. they bring grandmother rose to their school and she along with other students put up a play and teach students how to not fall for the hook. http://www.grandmarose.com/oldsite/GRPUB.HTM

poor baby mama.

the thing is mama that you are there with him. he is not alone in his pain. i have noticed pain somehow matures our children. you will be there with him. give him all the emotional support he needs while prepping him up.

i have never really gone to the teacher. because dd is going to face comments and bullies all her life. and she has to develop a mental attitude towards it. and she has.

these talks we have with our children i notice are so so so important. it seems theres a lot of bullying during 6 and 7 and not so much at 8.