panic attack tonight

[goodygumdrops]

ugh. Just needing to get this off my chest.


Of course, I thought I was getting better and so I suggested that we adjust my meds. I was taking lexapro 20 mg, buspar 20 mg and trazedone for sleep. Well, doc told me I could stop taking buspar and switch to something else for sleep. This is in the last two weeks.

Well, low and behold, tonight I am having major anxiety again. I had a medium panic attack...thanks to my panic and phobia book, I was able to talk myself down. I am about to attempt sleep in a bit.

I hope that one day I won't have to take so many meds but I'd take anything over feeling this sick.

[harrietsmama]

that's a lot of change in meds all at once!!!

No wonder you are having trouble!!!

I don't understand these pdocs who change stuff so casually .

I'm sorry you are feeling so off, perhaps one meds change at a time, I mean the dose change even. I had to learn this the hard way too.

Much peace to you!

[goodygumdrops]

Thanks Harrietsmama,

I'm feeling a bit better today. I'm clammy and my stomach is in knots. I should eat something...I think I'll try.

I don't think I'm doing well with the temazepam. It makes me feel loopy the next day. Anyway, I made a call to the dr but, of course, their closed for the weekend.

I don't really want to go to the hospital so I'll try and manage through the weekend. The last time I was at the hospital for panic I was doped for two days...it was awful.

[harrietsmama]

Take care of you. Is there a good support person in your life to keep in touch with until you can talk to your doc?

In the mean time, maybe you can make your self a crisis kit, stuff to reach for to soothe yourself? favorite music, brain candy book to read, favorite movies, chamomile tea, some hyland's calms forte??? treat yourself kindly, as you would if you had a cold or flu to get through the weekend. Don't forget some stuff to do with your hands - a soft piece of fabric to rub, a bag of beads or beans to play with, a brush or comb to squeeze - it releases endorphins and other natural hormones for pain, it might make you feel better in down moments.

[goodygumdrops]

You are my support person, Harrietsmama Thanks for being there.

I spoke with a couple of friends today. I'm feeling a lot better, thankfully. I still occasionally will have a twang, where I'll think, here we go again...but I haven't had to take any extra meds.

I am seeing a new psychiatric nurse practitioner. He's fine and I have an appointment on Wednesday. I think I probably need to increase my meds but I'm ok with it.

It's hard though because I'm in school and I have a lot of responsibility right now. I am supposed to do a presentation on Tuesday and I might just have to bail...I can't imagine that it would be good for my nerves. I guess I'll talk with the teacher if I have to.

I think the hardest part about having anxiety and panic is that I feel like I'm broken. I know that if it came down to it, I would be able to work through the feelings...I mean, we didn't always have meds, yk. But thankfully, I don't have to do that.

[harrietsmama]

I know what you mean with feeling broken, and med changes really exacerbate that when you aren't sure how you're doing moment to moment. Relying on the meds is scary, hard to feel totally in control.

What comes to mind though is a thing form Scott Noelle's daily groove - I swear those little daily emails have brought me so much peace.

One of them was about a sticking speedometer where he kept trusting the speedometer to tell him how fast he was going and he kept checking it but feeling like something wasn't right until he realized it was sticking and so he just had to follow what he knew by his senses etc. of what it *felt* like to be going the right speed, instead of this mechanical measure.
My point being, sometimes hyper focusing on the meds can make it hard to let yourself feel ok, or accept yourself when you feel less ok.

I have been through soooo many med changes, trying to find the right cocktail - I have bipolar with psychotic features and borderline personality. It took years of being in & out of the hospital and failing med combos to finally find one that worked for longer than 6 months. Now I'm at ummm a year and 5 months!!! woohoo! it's more than totally a record for me! I'll go through rough spots, but more and more I realize that I can do other things to really help myself besides the meds and I feel much more whole.
I'm not saying that is where you are right now, I just wanted to give you some hope that the broken thing can heal

[goodygumdrops]

harrietsmama,

Thank you. It means a lot to have someone out there. I have done some fidgeting with meds too but I was hoping it was a ppd/anxiety thing and not a forever thing. Panic and anxiety totally run in my family and so I'm sure I'll be dealing with it in some way for the rest of my life but I was just hoping it was a short term thing.

But it's not, so I'm moving on from the head game Right! So, this morning I woke up feeling really icky again but as the day has gone on, I've managed to get to a better place. I actually did some homework today, which was a big deal for me. I'm going to head in to see the doc tomorrow and see what he says about the meds. I'm not sure what he will want to do but I'm not going to get all wrapped up in it.

In some way, this has been a better experience because I didn't end up at the hospital like last time. I have been able to accept that this is happening to me and I'm not going to die or anything. It's just a feeling, right!

Well, I have class tomorrow so we'll see how it goes. I hopefully will get in to see doc asap.

Amy

[harrietsmama]

I hope the doc helps you get a good balance, and it is really empowering to safely move through emotional crisis and not land in the hospital again, I know what you mean!!!