Bringing Baby Home

[aikigypsy]

My DS was born at 34 weeks, 7 weeks ago. For the past 3 or 4 weeks, he's been almost ready to come home, but has been kept in the hospital for apnea. On Tuesday they put him on caffeine, and now he's going to be sent home on a monitor, and the caffeine, on Monday.

He is very big now, over 7 lbs. Can I just treat him as I would a regular newborn (as much as the wires and buzzing allow), or is it better to ease into it, and let him lie in his moses basket more than I normally would, because he's so used to only being held at feedings. We held him more when we visited, but weren't able to be there much.

I feel like I need to make up for lost time, but I don't want to shock his system. Any advice or experiences?

[sparklett]

Hold him. His brain is wired to want to be held. I'd suggest lots and lots of skin-on-skin/kangaroo care. When we brought DS home, I took off my shirt, tied on the Moby and wore DS and rarely put him down. These babies need to be held and keeping him very close to you via kangaroo will actually help with the apnea, since feeling and listening to your breathing will help him regulate his own breathing.

[aikigypsy]

Originally Posted by sparklett

Hold him. His brain is wired to want to be held. I'd suggest lots and lots of skin-on-skin/kangaroo care. When we brought DS home, I took off my shirt, tied on the Moby and wore DS and rarely put him down. These babies need to be held and keeping him very close to you via kangaroo will actually help with the apnea, since feeling and listening to your breathing will help him regulate his own breathing.

See, I know this, but a friend of mine who has much more experience with a variety of kids than I do recommended giving him his "space," so now I'm second guessing myself. The whole nicu experience has not been good for my parenting self-confidence. Also, he's been there so long that I think he's pretty thoroughly conditioned to being in his crib all the time and on a schedule... We'll just have to see how it goes, I guess.

[ShanaV]

Your little guy will want and need to be held and worn as much as possible. If anything, the shock to his system will be for the better, like, "hey, I'm with Mom now, I love this!" Life will be sooo much better when you can get him home and treat him like your own baby, not just a patient in the nicu. Let your instincts guide you. Kangaroo him. BF on demand. Love on him all you want. In essence, treat him like a regular newborn coming home. (Don't "give him space." That's crazy talk.)

As a comparison, my kids (30+5) were in the nicu for 6 weeks, and as soon as they were home they were off the nicu's ridiculous schedule and much, much happier to get to be with mama all the time. They also were in the nicu for what seemed like FOREVER learning how to eat and not have any spells. It was heartbreaking because every. single. day. the nurses would be like "I'm sure they'll be ready this weekend! ... Just another couple days! ... I'm sure by Friday! ... They'll be going home on Monday! ... They'll be ready in no time!" ..... This went on for a good two weeks. I'd get my hopes up SO HIGH and then be DEVASTATED when they'd have a spell. I know, it feels like it will never end. BIG HUGS.

[MeepyCat]

The NICU can completely kill any confidence you had in yourself as a parent, and the almost home/another spell roller coaster suuuuuucks.

The available research is that premature babies benefit especially from being held - they're heart and respiratory rates are better and steadier, they have a little help in maintaining body temperature, and they're most easily observed by their parents when they're in arms.

Additionally, if you are looking to establish or increase nursing, having him in contact is helpful.

You can give him his space when he's thirteen and actually wants it. Right now, he's probably prefer to be snuggled.

[justKate]

Originally Posted by ShanaV

If anything, the shock to his system will be for the better, like, "hey, I'm with Mom now, I love this!" Life will be sooo much better when you can get him home and treat him like your own baby, not just a patient in the nicu. Let your instincts guide you.

They also were in the nicu for what seemed like FOREVER learning how to eat and not have any spells. It was heartbreaking because every. single. day. the nurses would be like "I'm sure they'll be ready this weekend! ... Just another couple days! ... I'm sure by Friday! ... They'll be going home on Monday! ... They'll be ready in no time!" ..... This went on for a good two weeks. I'd get my hopes up SO HIGH and then be DEVASTATED when they'd have a spell. I know, it feels like it will never end. BIG HUGS.

Originally Posted by MeepyCat

The NICU can completely kill any confidence you had in yourself as a parent, and the almost home/another spell roller coaster suuuuuucks.

My DD seemed to kind of shut down in the NICU. Once we got home, I held her and she wouldn't let me put her down. I think I carried her every waking minute for eight months. It was like she was making up for lost time.

The NICU staff was the same way with us..."she's doing great!" "She kept down her entire feed!" Then I would go back the next morning and find her with an NG tube or something, and we would be back to square one. It was heartbreaking. Huz finally asked them to call us if she vomited because it was devastating for me to go in and learn that no, tomorrow will not be the day she goes home. :cry Its so hard to find someone who really understands that. I'm glad this board is getting more active.

[aikigypsy]

Update

C has been home for a week now and is doing great. We switched to almost all breastfeeding (still gets medicine by bottle once a day, and has had a couple of other bottles to hold him over when I can't be there for a minute or two, but not every day). We try to hold him upright as much as we can -- it keeps the reflux in check and makes up for lost snuggle time. I have him in the moby wrap for a couple of hours each morning and afternoon. It's so good to have him here... now I'm just looking forward to getting him off the monitor, which is a PITA, and terrifies the living daylights out of DD. I'm glad that our pediatrician is a lot more laid back (in some ways) than the nicu doctors. She only wants us to use the monitor when we can't be right next to him, or when we're all asleep. I'm more anxious about cosleeping than I would be with a full-term baby, but he seems to sleep much better when he's cuddled up next to me.

I feel like he's starting to get used to it all. For the first few days I felt like every time he nursed he was thinking, "oh, it's that lady with the nu-nus again!" There was a definite lack of connection there. Anyway, we're re-building it, and I think he's beginning to trust that I'll be there for him.

[Phoenix~Mama]

It's so good to hear your update! How are things going now? Are you off the monitor?

[justmama]

glad to hear things are working well at home. i will say that my 34weeker had some issues with apnea. we came home on a monitor too. but she alarmed WAY less when I would wear her in the maya wrap(upright against my chest) pretty much constantly. when we laid her down on her own in a bassinet or in the carseat, she would alarm. the upright position helped with the reflux but it was murder on her leads. They would come off quite a bit as she rubbed against my chest. False alarms suck. And going out with an apnea monitor attached to your baby sucks. Everyone stares. But thankfully we were down to using it only when she was sleeping apart from us by 4 monts and totally wireless by 6 months.

[*clementine*]

I just brought home my 33 week old twins and had the same questions. They'd been laying in their isolates for so long I wasn't sure about holding them all the time. We also have four other children, so I was afraid they'd feel overwhelmed by all the attention. I ended up holding them almost all of the time and they seemed to "come alive" from it. I think it's also so essential for the bonding on my part. With them in the NICU everything was thrown off. Also, as fragile as they seemed, they LOVE the constant patting they get from the other children in the home. They just brighten up from all the attention. Don't give the baby space.