Total vent - beware!
I am so effing sick of being poor. I can't stand it. Tonight DD fell asleep before DH got home, which meant that dinner was basically whatever DH and I wanted to eat. Since he came home at 8:15 tonight, we wanted something easy and simple to make, as we are both exhausted. DH wanted nachos, but we didn't have any tortilla chips in the house, but we had everything else. So off we go to the store, complete with a very upset, teething DS. Had to turn around halfway there because I realized that I had left the food stamp card in my backpack, not in my wallet in the diaper bag. Get home, DH grabs my backpack and we head back to the store. We get to the store, and go to get the food card out of my bag. Not there. I tore that bag apart. Not there. Not
there. So we're like, okay, it's only a $2 bag of tortilla chips and I've got my debit card. So we get a screaming DS out of his car seat, walk all around the store to find the damn chips (did I mention I broke two toes a few days back?), and go to check out. Declined.
I hate being so poor that we are relying on foodstamps to buy a
bag of tortilla chips. I hate feeling so out of control over my life. I hate that I have to rely on government programs just to feed my family. I JUST HATE THIS!!!!! How the hell did it get so bad that we couldn't even afford to buy tortilla chips? I'm so upset, angry, sad, tearful, distraught, depressed over all of this. We're so far behind on paying bills, paying for anything really other than our mortgage. We've bounced four checks this week because of a stupid mistake we made in our accounting/check book balancing. I am just so sick of having to watch every little penny, and robbing Peter to pay Paul, living paycheck to future paycheck. I don't want millions or to be set for life. I just want enough money to cover the bills, the gas and food, have a little left to put into savings, and maybe buy a
bag of tortilla chips once in a while. Is that really too much to ask for?
And as I sit in our bedroom crying and sulking, my wonderful, beautiful, sweet husband is making homemade tortillas for us to have burritos for dinner - at 9pm. I guess having him in my life makes up for having no money.... vent over.....