Do you love your midwife?

[pasqueflower]

I have recently had a falling out with my midwife. Basically, I am on bed rest with pre-term contractions. I want to see a local OB so I will have a connection with the local hospital if I end up going into labor before 37 weeks. She thinks I am "over reacting" by taking this extra precaution--but I am going through with it anyways due to the fact my husband and I have been through this before (pre-term labor) with our twins. We do want to be over-prepared at this point, to help lower the stress.

I still hope for a homebirth; but she is my only link to having one. I am nervous about entering a situation where the woman at my birth is not supportive of me...but then a hospital birth sounds even more intimidating.

Did anyone have a homebirth with a midwife they didn't love?

[babyjelly]

I didn't love my MW at my last birth. The birth wasn't perfect, but it was still better than a hospital birth.
I'm seeing someone else this time though
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[lunarlady]

I didn't love my MW. It was hard laboring without that female emotional support. Looking back, I would still HB, but with a doula there too. Maybe a doula is an option for you too?

[momasana]

I would feel frustrated too if my midwife did not support my decisions regarding birth. I can understand wanting to seek shadow-care in case you end up being transfered, especially if it is something you have been through before.

Is there any way you can sit down and talk with her about the situation, or is that something you have already tried without success?

[pasqueflower]

Originally Posted by momasana

Is there any way you can sit down and talk with her about the situation, or is that something you have already tried without success?

I am continuing to initiate and explain my situation, with compassion. She seems closed and put off when I approach her. I thought I would wait another week or so and try again.

The Doula is a great idea! That way I have an advocate weather at home or in the hospital.

Thank you for the comments!

[erin_brycesmom]

I'm so sorry about the preterm labor! I can't say that I've given birth with a MW that I didn't like. I definitely think you should sit down face to face and have a conversation about this. It may be something that can be cleared up. Perhaps you are feeling insulted by being told you are over-reacting and perhaps she is feeling insulted that you are choosing to take the non-evidence based recommendations of another provider instead of hers. I wouldn't like being told that I'm over-reacting. A better way would be for her to say that it's not actual an extra precaution because there is no evidence that it prevents preterm labor and that instead there are some real risks associated with bedrest. I hope that she will open up those lines of communication and talk with you respectfully about this. I wish you the best and for your babies to stay put until term!!

[homemademom]

Can you find another mw? I've loved two of my mws and not loved two of them. The births really did turn out differently when I loved my mw. The support and respect I felt from the "good" mws influenced everything about my birth. At the same time, the nonchalance and condescending attitudes of the other two had clear results in my births. PM me if you want details. Suffice it to say, if a mw doesn't respect your right to make choices for yourself before you go into labor, you can't be sure they'll respect you during your labor.