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How did you know it was time to end it? - Page 2

post #21 of 26
Thread Starter 
So the weeks been HELL trying to exlain to dh what needs to change and hes become unbearable!

-reading texts on my phone
-looking through the history onthe computer
-just being an all around mean person

So I work both jobs all day sat, dont gethome till 4am and dh picks a fight b/c i try and slee on the couch..so we fight until 730 when he goes to bed and i go to pick up the kids at his parents andget them ready for HIS cousins baby shower, that I bought the gift and food for! while he sleeps on the couch all day. We get into it when I get home that night, he disappears(i assume he goes to his parents) and comes home like nothings wrong....I go to bed, Monday he sleeps until I go to work at 4pm. Then I come home at 11 and find an emty vodka bottle...he started drinking again, thats why he disappeared on sunday, he left and went to the bar. He then tries to cuddle with me hold me ect and I realize his touch is now making me cringe. The fact that he says he's going to make my lfe a living hell then disappears to the bar...yup make me deal with your drinking again would make my life a living hell
post #22 of 26
I must be the real idiot here as it took me two times to get it right. The first time I left was after he threatened to "kill me or hire someone to kill me" but of course later he said it was the same as when I had told me "I wish you were dead." Then, we had police involvment and it got messy. I lived apart from him for a year (the year I was pregnant with our 2nd). When my 2nd turned 1 year, I moved back in and it lasted 5 months. When he called the police and told them I scratched him, that was it. Even the officer told me that I was lucky he hadn't said it was an assault, but rather an accident. That was too close a call... a threat to both me and our children, so for me that was THE END and there's no EVER going back now. Good riddance, I say.... even though I can see how hard he's working now to make nice nice.
post #23 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by amatarasu View Post
I must be the real idiot here as it took me two times to get it right.
Not at all, mama. I detailed the moment at which I realized I needed to end it FOR GOOD above. But it certainly was not the first time I felt that it did need to end.

I left in 2004, which only lasted 3 days. I had one child with him.

I left again in 2006. This lasted over 4 months and involved stays in two different DV shelters. I had two kids with him by this time. We got to one court hearing for the divorce and I lost all my willpower to fight. I'd lost custody of my older three kids in my first failed marriage and I didn't have the courage to face losing these kids to my second. Even though, looking back, I now know I more than likely would not have lost.

I left again in 2008. This time I was 7 months pregnant when I left, and gave birth to my 3rd by him while I was gone. I stayed gone about 7 months this time. No DV shelter this time, but I was with friends and the situation disintegrated. It was blamed on me and I was struggling with PPD, recurrent thrush and being accosted by the husband of my friend, so I couldn't deal with it and went back to the husband.

I really thought I would stay this last time, especially because I felt like all my options had been used up. No support, nowhere to go, believing that whatever happened I deserved since I'd come back so many times. But apparently he believed all that too. His abusive behavior escalated violently and I knew if I stayed, I'd probably lose my life. He just figured it didn't matter - he could do what he wanted and I wouldn't leave or at the least, would always come back. He still thinks that (that I will be back). He can think that all he wants, though. I saw murder in his eyes and it made my blood run cold.

So no, you're not an idiot. It takes the average abused spouse 7 tries to leave and STAY gone. You're ahead of the curve!!!
post #24 of 26
I said so 2 years ago, but am still with him. (maybe similar to you OP?)

(lurking here )
post #25 of 26
I tried to leave 5 times...and was just successful this last time that I left (8 months ago)...so never feel bad. It is very hard. It is possible though.
post #26 of 26
It was when we got into a fight and he threw the emotional grenade in my face that I "should be thankful to that doctor for saving yours and DS's lives". He was referring to my birthrape where I was punished for refusing an episiotomy by having my vagina literally ripped open by the OB. I flipped (like he had wanted me to) and went to the bedroom. He was hot on my heels and stuck his foot in the door to keep me from closing it. With 4.5 month old DS in his arms, he continued emotionally brow-beating me until I slapped his shoulder. I wrenched DS out of his arms while he called the cops on me and left with just the clothes on our backs.

In retrospect, I should've called it quits after we'd been dating for 2 months and he demanded I read off the call history on my phone while I was on a trip with some friends.

I think that if you have to start a thread like this, you already know the answer.
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