Originally Posted by texmati
forget housework-- My 'dream MIL' would hold her tongue, and say only nice things about baby and mom. He looks cold? it's ok, she'll figure it out. He needs a hat? it's ok she'll figure it out.
After knowing how sensitive I was those first few weeks to critisim, I now just give compliments after births:
"You are doing such a wonderful job"
"you look great!"
"s/he's so sweet, looks just like you"
"awww... s/he knows his mama!"
I'm not saying to patronize her... but I'm sure that you can find something to compliment for most mom's... I'd try to focus on that instead of the lack of socks.
yes to this! Our first week and a half with the baby was in Children's Hospital, and there was very little that I was able to do for the baby, but something the nurses and a few of my friends did that was awesome was to praise dh and I, and really never made us feel incompetent (we had that one covered all on our own, tyvm!)
Also, if she could find your SIL's best friends and ask them to help her organize a schedule for who in their social circle will be bringing casseroles and whatnot after your mom leaves, that would be so awesome. When we got the baby home, there was nothing so great as being able to run into the kitchen, scoop out a bowlful of whatever casserole or potato salad or whatever that our friend had brought, and get back to baby without having to think at all about food prep.
And yeah, tell your mom to really really roll with the pp emotional punches. But she should also never say to your SIL that what she's freaking out or crying about is "just" hormones. Validate but don't take anything personal.