Person (a good friend who I dated a long time ago) - "I've been so depressed lately that I've lost my charming ways, and I'm normally a really charming guy."
Me: (something like) "Well, charm isn't everything."
Person: "True, I didn't fall in love with you because you were particularly charming, ha ha, yep, you're definitely not charming." He wasn't being sarcastic either, he really did mean it, but not in a mean way, just kind of like stating a fact.
So umm. That kind of hurt, as this seems to be a recurring comment I get from people from all walks of life. STBXH always was saying (on his nice days, esp. when we were still in the early stages of dating) how "you have a lot of great qualities, woman, but you definitely don't have an ounce of charisma" etc.
And I've heard it from other people too, good female friends as well as a couple more people I dated in high school or college, etc. No one was saying it to be MEAN, but why would you point out to a person that they weren't charming? I mean, really. I wouldn't point out that someone was a great person but they had a horrible sense of fashion, even if that was true. Or whatever. But this is something I've been getting all my life it seems.
What *exactly* is charming or charismatic? Attracting people to you? Magnetic personality? Ironically this comment seems to come mostly from significant others or good friends - so obviously they're attracted to me for SOME reason?!
I'm definitely an introvert and I'm not really comfortable in crowds, but I don't think the people saying it mean it in a "are you the life of the party" way but rather just in general.
I smile, I'm polite, I think I have interesting things to say... I'm not very good at telling stories, and I tend to ramble, but I think I'm a good listener too. I make eye contact. I don't have any bad hygiene or bad table manners or anything. I dunno! What else is there? Just some vague attractive quality that I lack? How does one go about a) cultivating it or b) making peace with the fact that that's just not one of the gifts I received?