Originally Posted by MamitaM
Ami I don't think you are broken and I don't think you failed. Birth is never completely in your control so you can't really blame yourself for "failing" when it doesn't go as you wanted. You did try. If you'd gone in and said "ok my water broke time for the c/s" then you can't say you tried to have a VBAC or natural birth.
Thank you for saying this, Mamita. I have tears in my eyes.
I think that after the fluke way of losing Joseph, then the pre-eclampsia with ds2 and then 2 c/s, those around me see me as 'broken'. I mean, how many 'bad' side of the stats can one woman be?
I am also a perfectionist. I am not used to giving it my all and then not reaching my goals. Hence the feeling of failure. But you are right, birth is not something we can control. We can only do so much, but then the rest is out of our hands.
It's interesting though, that my Grandmother, who I am named after, also had childbearing issues. Her first child, my aunt, was delivered by c/s (way back in the 50s, in Greece too, so super antiquated stuff). Her second baby was miscarried around Joseph's gestation (16 weeks) and it was a boy. She had a severe scare with a car nearly hitting her, and went into labor. She then had my mother, also a c/s--however, she ruptured and had to be rushed to the mainland hospital. My mother was in an incubator and my Grandmother had to stay in the hospital the entire year afterwards due to the issues with that.
Sometimes I wonder if it's something with this name. Totally stupid and superstitious but still. It's not a common name, even in Greece. So who knows. Maybe it's a way for me to try to explain what is normally just chaos.
Originally Posted by shells_n_cheese
Congrats to both MamitaM and JTA mom! I wish very speedy and uneventful recoveries.
I had my c/s almost 4 years ago, for the birth of my 1st child. It was quite unexpected and at the time it was pretty traumatic for me. I did have a VBAC 2 yrs later with the homebirth of my daughter, but needless to say it was pretty traumatic, too. I'd say more so than my c/s. When we have our
3rd and final child, I still am not quite sure if I will attempt another vaginal birth (in the hospital), or just sign up for a cesarean.
Thank you for starting this thread, JTA. I hope it stays here, if you KWIM.
Thanks for the well wishes!
I don't know if it's okay for you to share, but how was your homebirth traumatic?
I am considering having a HBA2C with my next baby. I don't like hospitals at all, and am much more comfy at home. Who knows though.
My issue with the c/s, the main one, is that we want to have at least 2 more kids. And while some women have many c/s, it's not the 'norm'. I guess, I am scared of having someone else tell me when I should stop having kids. This time around, the surgeon said my uterus looked perfect--no issues. But who knows next time. And while this c/s was tons better (got a better anesthesiologist, so was awake this time--apparently I'm a light weight when it comes to that stuff) I still had to breathe through some of it. Just knowing they were cutting me open, moving stuff around, makes me a bit ill just thinking about it right now. At the time, I wanted to get up and run away!
Originally Posted by Altair
I had a c-sec after a 65-70 hr active labor at home, and 15 hours of involuntary and voluntary pushing. There wasn't a chance in heck my boy's enormous coconut head was moving even an inch. I was a HB doula and quite cocky in my views of believing in a woman's ability to birth naturally. I had every bit of strength I needed, there was no wimping out... but at the end of my third watching the sun rise and set, I made the decision to transfer. That boy was STUCK and my body was convulsing and going crazy trying to fight against that fact.
The emotional recovery was made that much harder by the natural childbirth community.
I lol'ed at the coconut head comment!
I agree with the last part. Sometimes I wonder if I just wasn't strong enough. But shoot, both of us have had DAYS of labor. Even Mamita had days worth of labor.
I get so mad when others, who have had less than one day's worth of labor, tell me that I just didn't give it enough time. I'm sorry, but after 30hrs + of regular contractions, I was EXHAUSTED. There was no 'sleeping through' those suckers, k?
But then my perfectionist side perks up, and goes 'told ya so'. Didn't give it enough time. Maybe if you had waited until 24hrs after your water broke (so if I had decided to labor for 14 more hours) until given no choice, or if you had waited until Elias had really started to crash, you would have done all you can.
But, then the other part of me, the part that could think still, saw that I only had 2 choices, really. One was an emergency c/s--knock me out and literally rip Elias out. OR I could suck it up, give them enough time to put in a working epidural, get properly sedated and give the surgeon time to do a proper c/s.
And as hard as a c/s is, I remember hating how 'out of it' I was with ds2. And how I hated that I didn't get to see him until 24hrs after the birth. And how about the first 6-8 hrs after surgery, I don't remember much, if anything. I actually REMEMBER the surgery, the recovery room and, the most beautiful part, Elias' cry. I missed hearing ds2's cry. There's no way I was doing that again.
It was odd too. I was instantly bonded to Joseph when he was born vaginally. I was instantly bonded to Elias as soon as dh brought him to me. With Stephen, it took time to be bonded. I don't have the memory of feeling him leave my body, of seeing him withing minutes of that like with my other two sons. I think it's a huge reason why my first c/s was so traumatic. I mentally *knew* I had given birth, but the animalistic side, the 'mama bear' side, couldn't make sense of it for a while.
Sorry for going on and on and on. I just feel like getting this all out is helpful. And it's hard to talk to those around me who haven't btdt. I don't know anyone else who's had a c/s. And I don't think many people get it, with regards to recovery. Even the nurses in the hospital were callous. I mean, the day after surgery, I can't exactly move around well, so getting up out of bed, standing up and taking my crying baby out of the bassinet--I need help with that. Help I wasn't getting. And they didn't allow dh or anyone else to stay overnight.
I am torn though--their surgeons are excellent, since it's a HUGE public hospital, so if I need another c/s, I definitely want to go there. Afterwards though, I want a different hospital to recuperate in!