Originally Posted by ama-mama
So what's the point of welcoming your child into the world with self recrimination and regret?
I think the issues a lot of us have is that we know vaginal birth is safer (void medical contraindications) and we plan for that for our babies and are more sad that we couldn't give them a safe birth, or simply that they didn't have one, as we know a lot of time the choice is not up to us. So, it's not that we don't welcome them, it's that the process of birthing them was difficult, not what we planned, we most likely felt afraid, out of control, looked down upon (by ourselves or others) or all of those and more.
It's very easy for one who has had trauma in the past rape, molestation, physical abuse, other scary events, some maybe relating to surgeries, to hate the fact that they had/had to have a cesarean. To these moms, just because the baby is here and they are to, doesn't mean both are 'healthy', and I think that's a little misunderstood.
I believe that birth is an event personal to both the mom and baby and it's separate than the love of the baby, but a bad birth can cloud that line and make it difficult for a mom to work through. The not bonding is a simple fact of nature. In studies, when sheeps are given just an epidural for birth, they don't want anything to do with their babies. What if we did not only that, but actually cut the babies out of them. How traumatizing for the ewe and lamb, and I'm sure you would that some reactions mom's have are simply part of our mammalian make up.
Just to say also, I doubt many moms 'resist medical advice till the situation is truly dire'. I think that is incredibly irresponsible, and dangerous. I think moms that don't respect the risks of some interventions are in the same category. There are plenty of women who know that VBAC is safer (usually), epidurals are risky (some times should be delayed and other interventions tried) and such and they put htemselves subject and their babies to risks.
Yes, I agree there is pressure to have 'the perfect birth'. I think this is wrong also and women should not necessarily believe that they should be happy with a healthy mom and baby, but should be happy, in time, when they work through their process knowing they did everything they could for a happy, healthy birth for them and their babies. Otherwise, women feel that they again, are crappy for not being 'over it' and that they are now ungrateful in addition to the plethora of emotions they are working through.