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C/S recovery & support thread - Page 8

post #141 of 319
Hello, ladies. Just subbing in. Glad to have found this thread, although I have not read it all. I just had a c-sec on Friday, planned at 37w1d due to complete previa. I had been planning a home water birth. Like some of you, I have a sense of my body failing me.

Can't keep me eyes open. More later.
post #142 of 319
Congratulations on your new baby Karen! I'm sorry that you are feeling like your body has failed you. I hope that these feelings will pass over time.

One of the things that I appreciated most about my hospital is that they purposely do not use the term "natural" birth. Whether their patients deliver vaginally or by c-section, with medication or without, they do not consider any birth to be more "natural" than the other. Each scenario results in the birth of baby and that is what they focus on and each mother is esteemed for what she went through to bring her baby into the world.
post #143 of 319
congrats and welcome karen! take it easy the next few days and enjoy thew babe!

anyone here from mary? she was about to have her newest addition a few days ago.

i don't mind the term natural child birth for the non-meds births,but now that i've had a c-section birth i don't like the term "normal" birth to describe ant type of vaginal birth. i feel that my c-section birth was still normal and resulted in a beautiful and healthy baby.

i am missing some of what i could have had with a vaginal,pain free birth,but soon hope to release all of that.
post #144 of 319
Congrats Karen! Previa is a tough thing to deal with, I hope your baby is doing well being early, that was always my fear with scheduled CS. I had an abruption at 43 weeks at the end of labor and I know how you feel about your body failing you.

There are a lot of posts here through out this thread that are very helpful and supportive, I think they are worth reading. You will see a lot of women feel the same emotions you are feeling now and have yet to feel.

Rest up, enjoy your baby as much as you can and feel like, but do address the emotions you have about the birth, they are worth dealing with. Post again when you have energy.

Much Love to you!
post #145 of 319
I agree that the term natural birth doesn't necessarily bother me, but "normal" birth does. It seems like a very loaded, judgmental term.

Karen, congratulations on your little one! Sorry about the previa and c/s

My feelings are always up and down about this last c/s. I don't really have negative feelings about the surgery itself, but I have a lot of regrets about decisions I made. I asked to be induced for PIH instead of continuing bedrest, I asked to do it Monday instead of Friday (when my OB would have been the on call), I consented to surgery after the c/s happy oncall suggested it for ftp...etc etc. I feel resentful of people I know who have such easy labors and deliveries, like my friend who was induced at 39 weeks, got her epidural right away, labored for 4 hours and pushed 3 times. Sigh. (Granted this was her third, but she was induced at 37 weeks with her first 2 and also had easy labors).
post #146 of 319
Congratulations Karen! Hope you're enjoying the little one.

For some reason everyone I know seems to be having these 3-4 hour labors and popping the baby out in the comfort of their own home. And I've been feeling so sad and "why me?" I had 4 days of labor and 2.5 hours of pushing w/ DS1, a day and half of labor with like 8 hours of on and off pushing w/ DS2. It makes me feel like my body is just not designed to deliver babies. DH said, well maybe it is something physical and in that case, how can you feel bad about it, it's totally out of your control. But that doesn't sit right at all. I know what went wrong with DS1 but have no idea what happened with DS2 and I'm fairly sure it's unrelated.

I've also just been grieving the vaginal birth experience I'll most likely never have. Something I always wanted. And it makes me wish I didn't know what natural birth was supposed to be like and that I hadn't read all those awesome, empowering home birth stories. And it makes me wish I didn't care and could just be happy with just doing what I was told.

And honestly, the term normal birth, in a hospital situation is generally not a natural birth either.
post #147 of 319
Quote:
Originally Posted by Friday13th View Post
And I've been feeling so sad and "why me?" I had 4 days of labor and 2.5 hours of pushing w/ DS1, a day and half of labor with like 8 hours of on and off pushing w/ DS2. It makes me feel like my body is just not designed to deliver babies. DH said, well maybe it is something physical and in that case, how can you feel bad about it, it's totally out of your control. But that doesn't sit right at all. ..........

I've also just been grieving the vaginal birth experience I'll most likely never have. Something I always wanted. And it makes me wish I didn't know what natural birth was supposed to be like and that I hadn't read all those awesome, empowering home birth stories. And it makes me wish I didn't care and could just be happy with just doing what I was told.
I so get this (bolding mine). I went through this, and with my first he was asynclitic, 24 hrs. active labor only 4cm to 6cm, then CS, second was with a baby who we now think was in the same position possibly, and with non reassuring heart tones, 36+hrs active labor 5cm to 9cm, then back to 7cm at hospital and with an abruption. I delt with the, 'if it's physical it's not my fault', but honestly, if it's emotional, it's not your fault either. There are plenty of emotional things that inhibit labor and those aren't our fault either. If we had the tools to recognize them and change those circumstances, we would, just as physical things. We didn't. We did the best we knew how to do with the situation that was given.

Oh, and I'll never have that vaginal birth experience, as we have to sadly and gladly be done with having babies. So, I get that too, and it's worth grieving over for me.
post #148 of 319


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by AustinMom View Post

Quote:
 
I delt with the, 'if it's physical it's not my fault', but honestly, if it's emotional, it's not your fault either. There are plenty of emotional things that inhibit labor and those aren't our fault either. If we had the tools to recognize them and change those circumstances, we would, just as physical things. We didn't. We did the best we knew how to do with the situation that was given.

Oh, and I'll never have that vaginal birth experience, as we have to sadly and gladly be done with having babies. So, I get that too, and it's worth grieving over for me.


Bolding mine...

 

This is such an important thing to recognize, and I really appreciate you phrasing it in this way. The mainstream view of birth doesn't seem to acknowledge that emotional history has anything to do with birth. And the natural birth approach talks a lot about how emotions affect birth, but seems to assume that you can just "get over" your fear, grief, or whatever just by thinking positive, putting love in your heart, having an outstanding support team (as if everyone can manifest that just by wanting it), etc. Neither approach is very helpful for those of us with complex emotional histories.

 

I had one experience of pregnancy & birth, and that's it for me, too. I'm sad that my birthing experience was so difficult and that's all I'll ever know. It's another strand of grief woven into my being, and as time goes by, it's easier for me to accept that that's how it is and to have compassion and even tenderness for my grief.

 

I do sometimes think that people who have "peaceful, blissful" birthing experiences have a sort of charmed existence.

post #149 of 319

This is going to sound harsh, but I think the majority of people who have 'peaceful, blissful' births are really not exploring their true emotions on it (mainly mainstream women).  I think it takes a VERY strong person to work through the process of birth having happened to them.  For instance, I think back on BOTH my CS and directly after I was fine with everything.  It was the, well, she's here now, everything is great, we had to do what we had to do, I'm glad we did it, everyone was very respectful of what I wanted, etc.  A few days later, it was not.  I was hurting to the core of my being as I realized what just happened to my body and my baby.  I worked through that layer, then a week later, there was another.  Then you work through that, then a month later, there's another, etc.  It doesn't get worse, but it IS a process, and I think the women who say that the way their baby was born didn't matter to them aren't working through that process.  Again, this is not ALL mom's, but I do think it's the vast majority of them. 

Kuddos to US for working through these emotions and this process and yes, our kids and ourselves, and those closest to us will benefit from our work.

post #150 of 319
Quote:
Originally Posted by AustinMom View Post

This is going to sound harsh, but I think the majority of people who have 'peaceful, blissful' births are really not exploring their true emotions on it (mainly mainstream women).  I think it takes a VERY strong person to work through the process of birth having happened to them.  For instance, I think back on BOTH my CS and directly after I was fine with everything.  It was the, well, she's here now, everything is great, we had to do what we had to do, I'm glad we did it, everyone was very respectful of what I wanted, etc.  A few days later, it was not.  I was hurting to the core of my being as I realized what just happened to my body and my baby.  I worked through that layer, then a week later, there was another.  Then you work through that, then a month later, there's another, etc.  It doesn't get worse, but it IS a process, and I think the women who say that the way their baby was born didn't matter to them aren't working through that process.  Again, this is not ALL mom's, but I do think it's the vast majority of them. 

Kuddos to US for working through these emotions and this process and yes, our kids and ourselves, and those closest to us will benefit from our work.

This is what I've been talking with my doula about and she has been fanstatic in just letting me work through each layer and even acknowledge that one day I can be fine & proud how I handled my 2nd c/s" and then the next day an utter wreck emotionally.  

 

I remember  when I decided to consent to my 2nd c/s - I had the lines of the serenity "prayer" running through my mind. 

God/Goddess, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

 

Not trying to proselytize , but I find it interesting as we work through these emotions how true some of this "prayer" resonates whatever your beliefs.  

post #151 of 319

I was also ok with my choice right after it happened. I was very scared and angry during the c-section,but as soon as I heard my swet baby cry that was all gone. I was so happy for days after. It wasn't until a few weeks later when I started to feel a loss for the birth that I'd had to give up.I think at first I tried to convince myself that I was totally fine and had no issues and that I'd let go of any bad feelings I had. Now I have some mixed feelings about but I don't want to dwell on them b/c I don't want to make myself feel bad for consenting to the c-section.

post #152 of 319
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamitaM View Post

I was also ok with my choice right after it happened. I was very scared and angry during the c-section,but as soon as I heard my swet baby cry that was all gone. I was so happy for days after. It wasn't until a few weeks later when I started to feel a loss for the birth that I'd had to give up.I think at first I tried to convince myself that I was totally fine and had no issues and that I'd let go of any bad feelings I had. Now I have some mixed feelings about but I don't want to dwell on them b/c I don't want to make myself feel bad for consenting to the c-section.


Oh this is so how I felt after the first.  I had several months of everything's fine, I'm totally good with it and then one day I just started sobbing thinking about this stranger's hands in my body pulling my baby out instead of the peaceful, beautiful birth I'd always wanted.  And then I started to see the decisions we made that led to that and got really angry, at myself, at our birth team.  At least with DS2 I really don't think we could have done anything else, there was some cord issue or something that was preventing him from descending, so I'm sad about it but not angry or regretful.

 

I came to this ridiculous realization yesterday that I've been really spoiled in my life and the only thing I've ever REALLY wanted that I haven't gotten is my birth experience.  It never even occured to me with my first that it would go anyway other than what I'd planned and with the second I thought, "I'm doing everything right this time, surely I'll get it now" but I still didn't.  So in a way maybe this will help me get over my notion that I get everything I want and even moreso that I can control everything.

post #153 of 319
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamitaM View Post

I was also ok with my choice right after it happened. I was very scared and angry during the c-section,but as soon as I heard my swet baby cry that was all gone. I was so happy for days after. It wasn't until a few weeks later when I started to feel a loss for the birth that I'd had to give up.I think at first I tried to convince myself that I was totally fine and had no issues and that I'd let go of any bad feelings I had. Now I have some mixed feelings about but I don't want to dwell on them b/c I don't want to make myself feel bad for consenting to the c-section.


Bolding mine.

 

I agree that we should not dwell on our feelings to make ourselves feel bad for consenting to the cesarean, BUT it's OK to dwell and work through the feelings for not getting the best birth you feel your baby or you deserved.  Sometimes we have no option but to consent to the cesareans like with abruptions, previas, fetal distress, etc, and we still are sad about the way things turned out and we still wish them to be different.  I think deep down, you are not feeling bad for consenting, but feeling bad because you wished it would have been different, and that's ok to feel that way, and that's ok just let yourself have those emotions, it's part of the process.  :)  HUGS to you.  :)

post #154 of 319
Quote:
Originally Posted by AustinMom View Post


Sometimes we have no option but to consent to the cesareans like with abruptions, previas, fetal distress, etc, and we still are sad about the way things turned out and we still wish them to be different.  I think deep down, you are not feeling bad for consenting, but feeling bad because you wished it would have been different, and that's ok to feel that way, and that's ok just let yourself have those emotions, it's part of the process.


ITA with this, this is exactly how I feel. 

post #155 of 319

Hi all.  I just stumbled upon this and am subbing.  I have a sweet beautiful 3 1/2 month old baby and I'm working through coming to terms with my second c-section.  My hospital is a small rural hospital that doesn't "do" vbac's, so unless I wanted to travel 80 miles to the nearest city to vbac or have a homebirth without adequate support, I had to have another c-section.  I'm mourning the fact I will not experience a natural birth, as we are finished having children.  The experience was pretty traumatic, because they couldn't get the epidural in for a long time (like almost 3 hours) and then I ended up having a spinal headache after going home and had to go back to the hospital for a blood patch, which is another epidural poke.  I was terrified and also in very bad pain from the dura leak.  

 

My baby was small which me feel like the vaginal birth would have been possible.  I'm a small person and didn't dilate for my first birth. But she was breech.  Nobody knew she was breech until the surgery, so I'm not sure if she could have been turned or if it would have been an unsuccessful homebirth.....yada yada yada.  I just keep having these thoughts that I work through.  Anyways, Hello!  I will start reading the posts in this thread!

post #156 of 319

Welcome!  As far as small baby, my daughter (who was an attempted HBAC turned CS after 36 what not hours, suspected abruption which ended up being the truth, etc) was a pound and a half smaller than her brother who was a CS due to FTP, etc, and her head is in the 25% and his was in the 50-75%-ish.  She was WAY smaller and yet she never even descended to 0 station and he got to +1.  Birth is weird, there is never any knowing how it will end up.  That in itself, the not knowing, is the hardest thing for me to get past.  I want to know why.  I want to put blame somewhere.  I want to say that it could have happened, but it didn't and we don't know why and we never will.  Due to her crazy birth, we are done with kiddos too.  So I'll never get that either.  That sucks, and to me, I don't know about you, makes me feel in a way like less of a woman, like I'm not complete.  But I have to tell myself, that even though I couldn't give my babies a safe vaginal birth, and I couldn't give myself that either, I still completely love and accept myself as their mother and a woman. 

 

Recovery is crappy.  I'm 2 1/2 months out and I fell like I'm finally getting to normal.  But every woman is different.  The second CS has been much harder on my body than the first.  Others say different for them.  The spinal headache is a pain in the head and a$% too.  I'm so sorry you had to go through that. 

 

Much love to you.  :)
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by pacifica View Post

Hi all.  I just stumbled upon this and am subbing.  I have a sweet beautiful 3 1/2 month old baby and I'm working through coming to terms with my second c-section.  My hospital is a small rural hospital that doesn't "do" vbac's, so unless I wanted to travel 80 miles to the nearest city to vbac or have a homebirth without adequate support, I had to have another c-section.  I'm mourning the fact I will not experience a natural birth, as we are finished having children.  The experience was pretty traumatic, because they couldn't get the epidural in for a long time (like almost 3 hours) and then I ended up having a spinal headache after going home and had to go back to the hospital for a blood patch, which is another epidural poke.  I was terrified and also in very bad pain from the dura leak.  

 

My baby was small which me feel like the vaginal birth would have been possible.  I'm a small person and didn't dilate for my first birth. But she was breech.  Nobody knew she was breech until the surgery, so I'm not sure if she could have been turned or if it would have been an unsuccessful homebirth.....yada yada yada.  I just keep having these thoughts that I work through.  Anyways, Hello!  I will start reading the posts in this thread!

post #157 of 319
Quote:
Originally Posted by AustinMom View Post

 

Recovery is crappy.  I'm 2 1/2 months out and I fell like I'm finally getting to normal.



I'm sorry it has taken so long for you to feel normal. At the same time, I'm glad to hear this, as it means my continued belly pain/tenderness at 5 weeks out is not out of the ordinary.  I am so TIRED of having low-grade pain, though. It just adds to the misery of sleep deprivation.

post #158 of 319

Thank you for this post.  I so so totally get what you say about "not knowing".  I am thankful to be healthy and have a healthy baby and our lives can continue as a family.  I know many people are not as fortunate.  I remind myself of that, but I mourn my and my baby's vaginal birth that didn't happen.  I'm sad my whole family couldn't experience a peaceful home birth.  
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by AustinMom View Post

Welcome!  As far as small baby, my daughter (who was an attempted HBAC turned CS after 36 what not hours, suspected abruption which ended up being the truth, etc) was a pound and a half smaller than her brother who was a CS due to FTP, etc, and her head is in the 25% and his was in the 50-75%-ish.  She was WAY smaller and yet she never even descended to 0 station and he got to +1.  Birth is weird, there is never any knowing how it will end up.  That in itself, the not knowing, is the hardest thing for me to get past.  I want to know why.  I want to put blame somewhere.  I want to say that it could have happened, but it didn't and we don't know why and we never will.  Due to her crazy birth, we are done with kiddos too.  So I'll never get that either.  That sucks, and to me, I don't know about you, makes me feel in a way like less of a woman, like I'm not complete.  But I have to tell myself, that even though I couldn't give my babies a safe vaginal birth, and I couldn't give myself that either, I still completely love and accept myself as their mother and a woman. 

 

Recovery is crappy.  I'm 2 1/2 months out and I fell like I'm finally getting to normal.  But every woman is different.  The second CS has been much harder on my body than the first.  Others say different for them.  The spinal headache is a pain in the head and a$% too.  I'm so sorry you had to go through that. 

 

Much love to you.  :)

post #159 of 319

My son (3rd c/s) was my smallest healthy baby, though he had a biggish head.  He very stubbornly did not want to move down (went from -1 UP to -2 after 28 hours of induced labor!)  So, who knows.  Sorry to hear about the spinal headache, I had that with dd2 (my second c/s) and it was horrible.  It lingered for a month before it went away, but I never went for my pp check so never had the blood patch.  Recovery wise, my first c/s was hard, my second was pretty easy, and my 3rd was in between.  Though I wonder if a lot of that is my perception because my third birth was a vba2c...it was so easy (in comparison) to recover from, I wonder it makes the c/s birth that followed seemed harder just because of that.  Anyway, I'm 8 weeks post partum and mostly back to normal, though I'm still getting pain around my incision area if I walk a lot of exercise much (especially along the left side, which comes out much farther and kind of culy ques).

post #160 of 319

I had my daughter in India and received far, far better care there than I did for my two miscarriages in US (one miscarriage, one ectopic).  My doctors in US were great, but getting an appointment, fighting to get early ultrasounds and the insurance companies were an absolute nightmare.  The maternity hospital I went to in India was so patient and had so many competent doctors and nurses on hand that I am strongly considering going back if I get pregnant again!

 

That said, I had a car accident ten years before the birth that broke my pelvis.  My OB in India realized upon looking at the x-rays that my pelvis had healed asymmetrically - no one had ever caught this before!!  He warned me early on that it could cause issues and to be prepared for a c-section.  So I was.  He still opted to try and have a vaginal birth if possible, so when my water broke, he had me come to the hospital and he monitored me closely for about seven hours.  And as soon as he realized her head was stuck on my pelvis, I had no issues with going for the emergency c-section.  However, I have had women who seem to think I am less than a good mother because I didn't try harder for a "natural birth".  My child came out with a ridge on her head from where it was stuck on my pelvis!!  And they have the audacity to criticize my decision?  I think we all try to make the best decisions for our children and sometimes the best decision isn't the easiest.  Those women who look down upon those who have had to have c-sections have no idea what is involved with the decision.  It was those women who caused issues for me in regards to my decision.  Otherwise, the moment I heard her shout in the operating room, I was relieved that no harm had come to my daughter.  I also think it helped that I had so many compassionate people in the room with me (husbands and relatives aren't allowed due to too many people having fainted during the procedures in the past :s).  Only the doctors and the anesthesiologist spoke good English, but those nurses and maushis were so comforting and kept me updated through sign language and the little bit of the local language I knew.  It was a very positive experience despite the fear I had for my daughter's well-being.  They brought her out to my husband and MIL while they were stitching me up and then brought her back to me so we could be brought to our room together.  They immediately put her to my breast and she latched on so well.

 

Anyone who has had to make the decision to opt for a c-section should be supported, not degraded.  I just wish more people realized that.  Sorry for the rant...

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