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C/S recovery & support thread - Page 11

post #201 of 319

I just stumbled upon a product online randomly that claims to really work to heal up c section scars- it claims to make the scars much less colored and much softer and less visable. I am wondering if anyone knows anything about it? It is some silicone sheets and it is called scar away sheets. It got good reviews on amazon. My c section scar really does not bother me much! But it is kind of purple! I wonder if I might some day try out those scar away things to lessen the scar. Anyone ever used them?

post #202 of 319

Never heard of them, but it's worth a shot, especially if they don't have any risks to them. 

 

I'm doing well, thought I'd check stop in.  I'm going through a lot of therapy now for the sexual abuse that I went through when I was a kid, and feel that has a lot to do with why my labors, birth, and CSs were so hard on me emotionally which is why I feel they ended in CS.  It's really helping, and really helping with everything.  It's costing an arm and leg, especially while paying off the CS, but it's worth it.  I feel whole again.

 

I also, wanted to say that I had an AMAZING 1 day get-away a few weeks ago.  I went to a hotel, by myself, after dinner on Friday night, had wine and cheesecake, got up the next morning (without being woken) went to the spa (had a gift certificate) and got a massage and pedicure, and spent my entire 2 hour lunch journaling about everything.  It really did help.  I feel much stronger now. 

I've also really started my Doula practice as well, really looking forward to launching that this year. 

Hope everyone is well!

post #203 of 319

Introducing myself. I had a c section after 40 hours of trying to induce, on 2/11. As my contractions picked up, her heart rate declined significantly.

 

The surgery actually went very well, and I felt very supported by the surgical team who were very compassionate.

 

To be honest, I struggle with feeling like a failure in the eyes of the natural birth/parenting community. I keep reading my breastfeeding/parenting books and so many sections seem to start out: 'assuming you had a drug free natural labor, you baby will be, bla bla bla."  Nobody writes naturally minded advice for moms who have had a section. I also feel like my Bradley class set me up to feel like a failure for how things ended up.

 

Anyway, I do have a question. I have been off pain meds except tylenol for two days. surgery was 2/11. Do you think it is OK to have one glass of wine??? I could really use it.

post #204 of 319

Greenmulberry-

I don't know about the meds.  I do know that 2-3 drinks is dangerous if you are taking tylenol, but maybe if you switch to mortrin and have just one drink you would be okay?  I'd call your family practitioner and ask.  I'm sure a nurse could answer that in the office on the phone.  :)

 

I think you are very right.  I think birth advocates need more understand and training in how to help a mom who didn't have a natural birth.  I think the fear is that it will not encourage moms to have a natural birth, or it's won't be as discouraging to have a medicated birth.  I think this is wrong, and I think as a whole we need to be better at helping moms in that grey area.  I hear this from a lot of moms, and I both times was that mom.  I planned an out of hospital birth both times and ended up with a cesarean.  I think the lack of support I had in coping with that lead me to feel I was a failure because I didn't/couldn't birth 'normally' in everyone else's eyes.  As a birth professional, thanks for this reminder, it's easy to forget.  :) 
It may help to make a list of all the things you did on your own.  Like if you went into labor on your own, how you coped with contractions, things you did to speed labor, what tools you used, if your water broke on it's own, how many cm you dilated, how much you effaced, how far the baby descended.  It may be hard to see how great these are but try and look at them positively that you worked with your body the best you could with the situation that presented itself.  I think people talk a lot about surrendering and letting birth happen, and they say this in context of opening up to speed labor and dilate, but I don't think every birth unfolds that way.  I think sometimes we need to surrender that some things are truly out of our control and we can't and couldn't change them.  That's the truth, and it does happen.  I think it's what we learn from our births that is really important.  Of course, it's easy to see how strong you are when you have an amazing empowering vaginal birth, but it's much harder to see how strong you are when you undergo major abdominal surgery, cope with loss, heal, recovery, and reflect.  That to me, is much harder physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually than a easy vaginal birth. 


You are so strong.

 

post #205 of 319
Quote:


Oh, and those people saying I 'cheated' or got the easy way out. Honestly, sometimes I want to take a scalpel and cut them open, stitch them up and then 1) sleep deprive them, 2) force them to pump every 30min to 2hrs (randomly too, and sometimes in chunks back to back), 3) make them walk around, changing clothes/diapers/etc. Then ask them how 'easy' it is.
 

You said it! Oh no, add the 9 months of pregnancy before it, with its nausea, hip pains, SPD, water retention, weight gain in weird places (I am not complaining because of aesthetics; gaining weight HURTS). Oh and add an infant who only wants to be with you. I love having my baby with me all the time, but hands do hurt, regardless, you know. Don't get me wrong. I will do it again in a heartbeat if I weren't hoping for a VBAC next. But sometimes I think that I should go ahead and plan another pg and have a scheduled c-section done. Known beast, unknown beauty(?)... take your pick....
 

post #206 of 319

Greenmulberry, I wouldn't drink wine at this time.

 

Reading this thread crystallized some things in my head. I had an unplanned c-section because of fetal distress 9 months ago and feelings of failure...you know the picture.

 

We as mothers are very strong. We do what it takes to keep our babies safe.Even if it means throwing our belief systems straight off a cliff.

post #207 of 319

I'm new to this thread but not this subject I'm going on my fourth c/s in a few months.  Trust me if I could change things I would.  I have assisted at home-births and they are so special.  I always dreamed that I would be able to do that too.  It was a hard reality to face when I was told that I simply cannot due to a structural issue with my spine and hips...I'm defective, or that is how I felt. 

Its hard because I feel I got heat from both sides of the argument.  I had my doc. saying it was dangerous to even think vbac.  I had others saying that I should have done it anyway.  I did feel broken, and like a wimp, but also like I had missed out on a part of motherhood that I would now never get to have.  I had those well meaning friends who would say things like "that's horrible" or "I'm so sorry".  I felt like in some of my peer groups I had become a sort of sad second class mother.  And worse was when I was treated as if I had somehow taken the easy way out.  EASY!!! Do you know how I have watched other mothers who can seemingly just hop up shortly after birth to care for their baby, and shower, and use the bathroom.  I have envied those who don't have to have everything handed to them or done for them.  Who don't have to be on pain meds for weeks and who haven't had the number of children they can have be decreased by a scar that runs across their belly.  There is NOTHING easy about a c/s!!  

I have gone through hating myself, and depression and guilt over this but I have come out the other side and here is what I have realized...

I will always wish deep down that I had been able to deliver on my own, but I have three healthy, funny, energetic little children who are at the moment playing knights and dragons at my feet.  I care less about how they got here and more that they ARE here and will soon be joined by another. I look at them and think how once I was told I would never even have children .  I have decided that regret is no place to live, especially when I AM SO BLESSED!

I also know how long it took me to reach this point and I just hope I can help others.  

For all you Mamma's who are about to have a c/s I can give you a list of things that will help things go more smoothly.  They are my own little helpers and they have worked for me.  I'm no specially trained coach, but I have been through it and am about to do it again, so maybe at least one of my suggestions will help one of you.

 

homeschool.gif  lactivist.gif chicken3.gif

post #208 of 319

I think you are very right.  I think birth advocates need more understand and training in how to help a mom who didn't have a natural birth.  I think the fear is that it will not encourage moms to have a natural birth, or it's won't be as discouraging to have a medicated birth.  I think this is wrong, and I think as a whole we need to be better at helping moms in that grey area.  I hear this from a lot of moms, and I both times was that mom.  I planned an out of hospital birth both times and ended up with a cesarean.  I think the lack of support I had in coping with that lead me to feel I was a failure because I didn't/couldn't birth 'normally' in everyone else's eyes.  As a birth professional, thanks for this reminder, it's easy to forget.  :)

 

post #209 of 319

Hey, Sunday, you can't advertise on here. Please delete that part of your post.

post #210 of 319

Just wanted to check in and say "hi."  I'm still following the thread, but I'm finally in a place where I feel okay about DD's birth and am looking forward to the opportunity to try for a VBAC (someday).  The lingering difficulty for me is when others' babies are born--my neighbor who pushed her first baby out after 2 hours of labor; her second (recently) after 20 minutes.  My cousin who just had a routine elective c-section because "the baby was going to be over 9 lbs."....  I have some sadness there.  But the pain is fading, I think.

 

Sending everyone healing vibes.  goodvibes.gif

post #211 of 319

I'm really teaching myself to detach from others' choices and experiences.  I feel sad for women who are lead to believe inaccurate things like 'big baby' 'small pelvis', etc. with out them being based on facts.  So I feel sad for them, and for their babies, and I think that's okay, it's a sad thing to me, and I can feels sad without thinking 'I'm not right inside, I still have to heal'.  I feel extremely happy that some women are able to push their babies out with a sneeze, I am not one of those women.  I used to be jealous, mainly because I wished so much that I was them.  BUT, having gone through the very hard work of labor with both of mine, I see now what I have learned about myself, and I still have never exerted myself more physically, emotionally, spiritual, mentally, etc than I did in labor with my babies.  I love that I did the best I could, and I think every mom truly does, even if what she had/has was very little. 

post #212 of 319

Hanging out on these forums was starting to make me feel negatively about my choice to have a c-section. 

 

However, doing additional research has reminded me that my c-section was the best option for me. 

 

My manifesto:

 

As for myself, I refuse to fetish-ize the process of birth -- my result of beautiful, healthy twin girls outweighs by a thousand pounds the feather of the birth process itself on the other side of life's scale.

 

I don't need to give birth vaginally to feel empowered -- I have been and continued to be empowered in my day to day life by the choices I have made and the way I live my life. 

 

I am not defective, abnormal or unnatural.  Instead, I have used humankind's most natural gifts --  our intelligence, our ability to weigh risks and outcomes, our ability to use logic and our inventiveness to ensure the best outcome for myself and my babies.

 

I am not less of a woman for not having birthed vaginally.  Neither are women who are infertile or who choose not to have children.

 

And yes, when my babies were born it was THEIR birth, the only one they get, not MY birth.  They will have to live with the outcome of their birth experience for the whole of their lives, so I think they get to claim ownership of that day. 

post #213 of 319

Oh!  Forgot two:

 

My bond with my children is not somehow less intense because I gave birth vaginally versus c-section.

 

My children are not somehow "lesser than" children that were born vaginally.

 

 

These are all thing natural childbirth advocates like to imply -- after all, they're selling a product too.

post #214 of 319
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane93 View Post

Hanging out on these forums was starting to make me feel negatively about my choice to have a c-section. 

 

However, doing additional research has reminded me that my c-section was the best option for me. 

 

My manifesto:

 

As for myself, I refuse to fetish-ize the process of birth -- my result of beautiful, healthy twin girls outweighs by a thousand pounds the feather of the birth process itself on the other side of life's scale.

 

I don't need to give birth vaginally to feel empowered -- I have been and continued to be empowered in my day to day life by the choices I have made and the way I live my life. 

 

I am not defective, abnormal or unnatural.  Instead, I have used humankind's most natural gifts --  our intelligence, our ability to weigh risks and outcomes, our ability to use logic and our inventiveness to ensure the best outcome for myself and my babies.

 

I am not less of a woman for not having birthed vaginally.  Neither are women who are infertile or who choose not to have children.

 

And yes, when my babies were born it was THEIR birth, the only one they get, not MY birth.  They will have to live with the outcome of their birth experience for the whole of their lives, so I think they get to claim ownership of that day. 


Um, I just want to say few things.  I don't think it's a fetish for women to want a vaginal birth.  Especially if a woman has undergone complications with her previous pregnancies and births-of her children.  Or if she has sexual or physical abuse, a vaginal birth could be easier for her to deal with than surgery.  Or maybe she just want to work with her body.  I don't think any mom would say 'I want a vaginal birth even if it means an unhealthy or unhappy baby or mom'.  I think they feel if I can have a vaginal birth AND a happy healthy mom and baby, yeah, let's do that. 

 

I do think more women should feel empowered by birth, regardless of the method, vaginal or CS.  I think sometimes BOTH can be very disempowering and traumatizing, but with a cesarean, it's more feasible that a mom would feel like she isn't able to be in control during a CS, simply because it's not her doing it.

 

If it was less risky for you or your babies to have a CS, great, I'm very glad that it is here for you.  No one argues or disputes that.  If you feel good with your choice, great, that's all that matters-if all are healthy, no one has regrets.  I don't think in your case defective is the situation. Some moms feel that if their pelvis is 'too small' or that they are physically unable to birth, the feel like they are, and that is ok, and that's that woman's process to work through.  No woman is defective in my opinion. None.

 

I think it IS a mother's birth as well.  The mom and baby share that experience.  The baby is born and the mother does the birthing, and she is born (even if it's for the 14th time) into a mother.  And I also know that the way a mother goes through that process, she is effected for the rest of her life from then on as well.  I'm glad the effect your CS was not that of trauma and you aren't having to deal with those feelings.

 

 

 



Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane93 View Post

Oh!  Forgot two:

 

My bond with my children is not somehow less intense because I gave birth vaginally versus c-section.

 

My children are not somehow "lesser than" children that were born vaginally.

 

 

These are all thing natural childbirth advocates like to imply -- after all, they're selling a product too.


Some women simply are not bonded or don't feel connected with their babies after a CS.  Some even after a vaginal birth.  Some even after an epidural.  Some even if the baby was taken away for a period of time directly after birth.  They've done studies on sheep, mice and other mammals and when events such as these take place (epidurals with sheep, separation with mice) the mother's ARE disconnects and simply don't tend to their babies at all.  We can't deny that this doesn't happen in the human race, and I hope you are not doing that, but hope you are simply stating that you don't struggle with disconnect with your babies.  I'm very glad if you don't, as it's a very very hard thing for a mother (and baby mostly) to go through, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

 

I don't think children are 'lesser' because they are born via CS and not vaginally, but some babies do struggle more due to this.  A lot of babies, and of those babies, we will never know if they would have been better as a vaginal birth than a CS.  Or worse.  But, we DO know that statistically, generally, babies born by CS are at risk for more complications. 

 

I do you can be respectful of those mothers who are not as well off emotionally as you are.  I don't think anyone on this thread has stated any of the things you have mentioned as facts, but emotions the are working through.  They are REAL things to feel and think and REALLY scary most of the time.  I do know that no one has said any of these things about other women or other babies, but 'I wish I didn't struggle like other women who feel______'. 

 

Please be respectful.

 

post #215 of 319

I think everything I wrote was qualified by the "I" statement.

 

However, I do get angry that certain advocates, with a particular agenda, seem to intent on reframing the discussion around birth so only one way is the perfect, ideal way, and all the rest are just substandard.  And if you don't feel your "not perfect" birth was substandard or you're not traumatized by the whole thing, then there's something else wrong with you (not sensitive or in tune enough, or what have you).

 

I mean, some of things are ridiculous, like someone claiming their c-section kid won't go through doors backwards.  What the heck??

post #216 of 319
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane93 View Post

I think everything I wrote was qualified by the "I" statement.

 

However, I do get angry that certain advocates, with a particular agenda, seem to intent on reframing the discussion around birth so only one way is the perfect, ideal way, and all the rest are just substandard.  And if you don't feel your "not perfect" birth was substandard or you're not traumatized by the whole thing, then there's something else wrong with you (not sensitive or in tune enough, or what have you).

 

I mean, some of things are ridiculous, like someone claiming their c-section kid won't go through doors backwards.  What the heck??

I'm glad you are speaking from a place where you specifically are at and not where everyone else should be at.  I think that is so great for you.  I really do, many women strive to be there and it's nice sometimes for some to see that it doesn't always have to be traumatic to have a cesarean.  I think that every mother has the birth she was supposed to have.  Yes, even me, read my story and you'll better understand where I'm coming from.  The first time a woman told me that I thought she was nuts, rude, and uncompassionate.  Now, seeing what I have learned from my birth, I am glad that I had the trauma that I had.  Do I wish it would have been an easier lesson, or that I could have learned it more simply, sure.  But I know it took what I went through to learn and am glad I am where I am now.  I'm glad you didn't have a crazy journey like that.  :)  There is such thing as a perfect birth.  There is.  I think it's different for every mom, and no mother can really plan for it and get it exactly as she planned.  It will unfold the way it is best for her.  This could be a mom who planned a home birth and ended up with a scheduled CS.  It can still be perfect and a mother can walk away from it still feeling whole and not violated.  I think this is where many women struggle when the come from a traumatic birth.  They want to know why it hurt, does it have to again, what can they do to heal and make it not hurt?  I think it only sometimes has to do with the birth itself and usually more with deeper issues.  That's just my opinion and what does happen to fit with me. 

I think that it's very rude of anyone to imply that if you weren't traumatized by your CS then there is something wrong with you.  I know why I was traumatized by mine, and I know not every woman has the issues I do.  I DO think that there are some women who do deny that their CS was negative.  I DON'T think that's every mom who has had a CS. 

 

I don't understand the door thing.  I don't see how it's related to the baby being born by CS.  I'm not sure where you heard that, but I do hope that mom and child are supported. 
 

 

post #217 of 319

Hi all.  I am facing the likely possibility of a c/S later this week, and I have found great insights on this thread.  My firs baby was born vaginally though she had a pretty bad shoulder dystocia though no negative impact from it, thank g-d!  This time, I am late, my baby is bigger than my last, and my midwife is starting to panic a bit about a repeat shoulder.  I think I've made my peace with going the c/s route because man that shoulder was scary!  While intellectually, I am feeling ok about this choice, I do find myself mourning the experience I had hoped to have. 

 

Mybest - you had posted about a list of things you found helpful, but I couldn't find it.  If the list was taken down b/c it was construed as advertising, could you pm me?

 

Thanks to all of you for sharing your journeys.  Wishing you all much peace & healing!

 

 

post #218 of 319

"There is such thing as a perfect birth.  There is.  I think it's different for every mom, and no mother can really plan for it and get it exactly as she planned.  It will unfold the way it is best for her. "

 

I do feel that some are setting up some kind of "idealized birth experience" which is supposed to be the perfect birth for everyone and we're all supposed to feel bad if we don't get that experience (along with the "perfect" wedding, the "perfect" house, the "perfect" job, etc., etc.)  I think the idea that there is some master plan where birth unfolds in the way best for you is setting oneself up for disappointment, as well as harmful to all the women who have serious medical issues around their pregnancies (prematurity, placental problems, etc.)

 

I have heard the wackiest things made up by natural childbirth advocates about kids born by c-section or with epidural.  Not going through a door backwards is one of the less insidious.  How about the claim that kids born to moms who have an epi are more likely to become drug addicts when they're older?  Buncha BS, but nothing like guilting a mom into having the birth that your philosophy thinks is right.

post #219 of 319
I have a friend who had her cs about 5 months ago and she's experiencing some pain above her scar with brown spotting (both relating to heavy activity and intercourse). What do you think? Is this a scar tissue thing?
post #220 of 319

Hi.... I'm 4 days post op closing in on 5 here soon. I was feeling pretty good but now I feel like a ballon. my hips are killing me my left sacrum is not moving. DH wonders if i still have some spinal left in my lower back. feels numb and sore and swollen.

 

my c-section was and emergency one that i'm still feeling pretty numb to. if you'd like more details check my birth story post in March due date club 2011 Cael William

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