C/S recovery & support thread - Page 14

[AustinMom]

I haven't check-in for a while so this is really long :)
 

Originally Posted by hannybanany 

I'm happy to see this thread. I've never been over here before.

I had my second c section 16 days ago. And I'm still processing how I feel about it.

DD1 was born by c section after a failed induction 6 days after her EDD.

DD2 was born via VBAC after a long, tough, completely natural  labor. I am so proud of my VBAC *for me*. I can't say that the recovery was physically easier, but being able to resume normal activity and hold my preschooler afterward was wonderful.

I was planning a second VBAC with DS. I had done it before, so I would do it again, right? Guess not. This time my labor started with my water breaking. My MW/OB's office closed 20 minutes after my water broke, so, because I didn't know what their policy was when your water breaks, I gave them a call. The MW called me back and said I needed to go to the hospital immediately. I wasn't happy with this. I wasn't having any contractions yet, and I would much rather labor at home. But she called an hour later and asked why I wasn't in the hospital yet and asked when I would be arriving. We got there an hour later, still only having ctx every 10 mins or so.

Anyway, labor started probably about 10 hours later and by the time I was in active labor (laboring standing up, walking around, hands and knees, on the birth ball, squatting, anything as long as I was attached to the monitors) several hours after that I was breaking down. The contractions were double and triple peaking with just a minute between. I'm pretty sure I'm not a birthing wimp, but I begged for an epidural. I continued to labor upright and on my hands and knees, but my temperature was rising and the water now had thick meconium. When it came time to push we turmed the epi waaaay down, I pushed upright using thesquat bar and in several otheer positions. He started at 0 station and three hours later he was still at 0. My temp was nearly 102 and that combined with some other factors my DH and I decided on csection. With DD1 we were lied to about needing an "emergency" csec, but this time we made all the decisions. The surgery went well, but the Dr said I got a "cervical extension", where the uterus tore toward my cervix during the section. Unfortunately DS did get an infection, presumably from my water being broken for 24 hours, but after a couple of days of antibiotics in the hospital he is perfectly fine.  

My recovery has been fantastic. I was up moving around and showering 15 hours after the surgery, and have just felt really good. I didn't finish either prescription I was given for pain.

My dr said she can't recommend a VBA2C because of the cervical extension. The thought of having a scheduled section with future children is devastating. As a Catholic family who plans to have more children I really need to research this more.

Failing at a VBAC after having a successful VBAC is also devastating. Hindsight is always 20/20, and the what if's are killing me. What if I hadn't called the MW immediately and stayed at home to labor? What if I hadn't gotten the epidural? What if I had just kept trying to push (DS was malpositioned, which was very obvious after he was delivered)? I feel like a failure. Thankfully I have a wonderful husband who is not suffering with mommy guilt who is able to remind me that we made the best decision.

So, pretty much I know it was the best choice at the time, but I still feel terribly guilty about it. I guess this is normal?

I'm so glad that your second CS was more positive.  I think being a player and making decisions along the way is very important, and It's good to know that you were still able to be involved.  I'm glad you had that role. :)

I don't know much about cervical extensions, but I could see how an OB could be relating it to the risks of a uterine rupture.  I'd definitely ask them why they deem it too risky to VBAC now, and studies, research, and really get as much info as you can and you  be the one to decide where to go from there. 

I think we all have those 'what if's' and I think that's a very important part of the healing journey.  Guilt is very real.  I think more real than that is just sorrow that I felt after my kids' births about how I wish I could have done whatever magical thing to protect them and make those crappy things not happen to them.  I felt like I was to blame about everything, even though I knew knew I did everything right.  It's important to keep in mind that yes, we are a player in our births, but we are only one those players.  There is the baby, our bodies, our subconscious, birth itself, etc.  I couldn't have blame ourselves and think that I could have done ______ different and it could have been better, because it really just all happened and it was 'out of my control'.  And I'm at peace with that. 

Originally Posted by JTA Mom 

I struggle with this too. Dh is Catholic and I am Greek Orthodox. I think a lot of my PPD has to do with this. Honestly, surgery terrifies me. And the thought of going through it multiple times? *shudder* This last time, I literally thought I would die while being wheeled into surgery. No idea where this fear comes from, but it is there. :(

I'm also terrified of all the complications like hemorrage, and especially hysterectomy. I don't want that. The lack of control that I would feel.....

It is interesting too, that several of the posters here said that having a c/s, and especially 2 c/s has changed their desired family size. It's not really talked about either. It's like a secret or something. Doctors don't talk about it, magazines, etc.

For those who will be having more children through c/s...what did you do to come to terms with it? For those who changed their minds on number of children, what were your thoughts? Was/is there any healing around this topic of more children? If you have come to a place of peace on this issue, how did you go about getting there?

I feel like there might be a lot of discussion on this topic from women who have literally experienced this, rather than an outsider. What do you all think?

Ami

I get the whole terror of surgery thing.  DH had a vasectomy and to me, just thinking about someone going in his body and changing the physiology of it really freaked me out.  That was a lot for me to handle.  I think that is very real.  For me, just the other day in fact, I got to a place where I was looking at my scar (which was a journey in and of itself) and then looked at DD and DS and really stood in amazement that their little bodies came from my body.  They were born through me and I did that.  I had my babies.  It was so great. 

I can see myself (if DH wasn't 'fixed' now) having another, and to be honest, I could really go either way. VBA2C (to which I'd drive 200 miles away for an OB that i know of) or doing an ERC.  It's not that birth doesn't matter to me, I just know that I could be at peace either way.  I think what is stopping us from more children (again with out the vas.) is DH does not want more, as he was never really super thrilled about having the ones we have now lol!, and I don't really know if I want to do the whole pregnancy, baby, infant thing.  It's a lot.  A LOT!  I'd want to do it just for the 'birth' part, as I loved laboring, and would love to be a surrogate like the other mama was talking about, but don't know how I would do that skipping the pregnancy thing.  Also the particial abruption is a medical risk factor, and it we would risk a third CS, but that's the technical stuff. I am at peace with where I am at.  It took a lot of work.  I saw a therapist who specializes in sexual abuse (which is why my CSs were so hard on me partly) and we did a 'breathwork therapy' session (you can google that) and I think that helped.  Self care was/is HUGE for me.  In fact, one Friday night, after dinner, I left the house, we to a very nice hotel downtown, ordered wine, cheesecake, buffalo wings, and just spent time with me.  The next morning I woke (without someone waking me!) had a pedi in the AM, then a 2 hr lunch at a yummy resturant downtown with my journal and I just wrote.  It was a day full of stream of consciousness writing.  Then had a massage to top it off and by the time I got home kids were napping and DH and I spent about an hour just talking.  I now do Yoga and mediate a few times a week and really spend A LOT  of time just being present and checking in with where I am at emotionally.  If I feel sad, I allow myself to feel sad.  If I feel happy, upset, depressed, etc, I let myself feel those and try and figure out what is causing each feeling and really sitting with that and just spending a few minutes just feeling.  That's helped me in every aspect of my life in finding peace.  :)
 

Originally Posted by Storm Bride 

Edited, for colour - I usually use the lighter blue to reply within quotes, but re-reading my original post, I realized that it's really hard to read in large blocks! I also fixed up a few random typos along the way.

Storm Bride, your story has touched me so deeply.  I can't imagine the courage it took for you to really get to a place where you allow those emotions to come to words/text and then sending those out for others to read.  I don't know if you will believe me when I say this, but you truly are stronger than you already know you are.  Your kids are going to learn so much from you. SO much.  You are a rock for other mamas to look to, lean on, etc.  You really are amazing. :)  You deserve the night away I was talking about a bit ago!  Take two!!!!  Lots of Love sent your way ~~~~~~
 

Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley 

Wow - I didn't even know this thread existed!...I guess I shall introduce myself!...

My name is Ann, I am 27 and mum to two wonderful boys - Duncan who was born in September 05 and Hamish - who just turned ONE! :o this past Friday!...

Both were born via section.  Hamish was a failed UBAC, failed HBAC, failed VBAC....(it really went downhill!)...I laugh and joke of course but it is just a mask I wear to help me cope I think...

I can start with Duncan.  He was my first.  He was a surprise.  I didn't know anything...I had never even held a baby!  Pregnancy went great though!  I was feeling happy and not worried and eventually I bonded with my baby (despite initial shock - it wasn't really the 'right time' as we had just got married, there was a big move, etc...but he was very much accepted and loved!).  My waters broke one morning (wow! haha) - and this was it...called DH to come back home and we went off to the hospital (as told) to make sure baby was happy about everything - he was...I was then checked (4-5cm already - wow this is easy! lol)...but wait...she didn't feel a head - his testicals were hanging out of me.  He was breech.  I was advised to not birth vaginal - I was told he could die.  I was suddenly very scared.  A section was the last thing I wanted.  I heard many horrible things about it but here I was - I felt it was my only option.  He was big too - he was 10 and a half pounds at birth (healthy baby and so was I). 

Despite everything - and despite the fact I would never recommend or condone a section (espeically for my own circumstances) - it went well.  I was back on my feet in a week and he was a very easy baby. 

My vaginal birth loss with Duncan was actually experienced later on...the more I grew as a person and the more I grew as a mother.  It set in and the more I grew the more it set in. 

But the joy!...We were going to try for another!  After a hard time conceiving (nearly 2 years trying and many many miscarriage - eventualy acupuncture worked!) - he stuck!  Things were different this time around.  I had learned so much.  I had grown so much.  (quite literally toward the end...haha...okay there is my mask again......)...  I visualised the birth many times.  Every day.  It is all I could think about...

And it started out just how I had visualised.  I went into labour early hours of the morning.  My waters did not break - instead I had bloody show.  Things happened quickly.  Before my son even got up I was in very heavy labour with my contractions less than a minute apart and coming on fast and hard....

They went on like that for HOURS though...a DAY later they were still going on like that.  Against my wishes I eventually called out a MW (I had planned a UBAC) - I was in a lot of pain at this point though (baby was happy though!) so opted for the gas and air...good stuff that!  Eventually I was just tired though...so tired and hungry... I was stuck at 8cm for 6 hours (again - against my better judgment I begged her to check me - I was far too curious!)...  She was a very supportive MW and very hopeful and positive and I really do love her - even now... 

I just gave up though.  I figured we could go to the hospital - try and epi and see if I could get some rest and something to eat.  It failed though.  They tried it three times - no luck.  This meant my section was under a general anasthetic.  Despite being healthy and not having GD - to give me a bit of credit (though it still doesn't help how I feel) - he was a very big baby at 12lbs 4oz! (I just grow them big I guess! lol)...

Looking back, I can think of a million places I went 'wrong'.  But theres nothing I can do about that now.  Hindsight - I can only save what I have learned and know better next time...

Which is where the problem lies...(I shall read though this thread in all good time - so I hope to find others who feel like me...I can't be the only one and DH doesn't understand)...I want to be done.  I want our family to be complete.  I want this to be it.  I want it just us and our two boys.  I want to grow up and move on.  But I do not feel done and I do not feel complete.  I NEED a vaginal birth.  So much it feels like such great heartache.  I really do need it.  Sometimes I think I can live without it...but then I realise that one day I will be a mother-in-law and one day I will be a Grandmother...and I can't do it...I can't bear the though of it...I can't face that part of my life not having had a vaginal birth.  So right now, in 4-5 years time we will be trying again...  Sometimes people ask me what I will do if, again, I 'need' another seciton (for whatever reason) and I can't bear the thought of it. 

I feel very strongly about natural birth and it kills me that mine went awry - I feel a bit like a hypocrite though I know I am not.  I also just wish that DH could understand. 

I have noticed one (positive/good?) change though.  After DS1, I felt a lot of anger and resentment towards others - even him for a little bit...but after DS2, I feel more anger and resentment towards myself. 

It is still hard though - because I still find it hard to be around other pregnant woman and I still find it hard to be around other woman who have had a vaginal birth.  I find it very hard to listen to other peoples vaginal birth stories and can not watch anything related to that.  Why not me?  is all that continously runs through my head.  A vaginal birth is really all I fantasis about - is that sad or what? 

I feel like I can never heal from this - and that the only 'cure' is a vaginal birth.  I did even consider being a host surrogate (get the vaginal birth - without doing the baby thing again! haha) - but then I realised that whilst I could most deff be happy to be a host surrogate - I can't until I have had a vaginal birth OR that baby would mean too much to me and I couldn't risk that.  I wouldn't feel that way if I had already had a vaginal birth (being a surrogate is something I have always thought of doing anyhow because I love pregnancy so much and after suffering infertility - for whatever reason - as we have - I would love to be able to give a family something they too struggle for - something I know would mean the world to them - but not until I had had my own vaginal birth). 

So theres my nut in a nut shell!

Those 'what if's' again, like I mentioned above are really hard to work through, but have their purpose, so do explore them.  :)  You may want to check out my friends' blog.  http://roadtohomebirthaftermultiplecesareans.blogspot.com/  Y'all seem to likely find insight to each other.  I think exploring the why behind your desires of anything for anybirth is important.  Why would that make you complete?  Why would it have to be a vaginal birth?  What would make a CS make you feel complete?  Could that happen?  I don't think it's sad or weird or odd or really that far out there to feel the way you do about vaginal birth.  I think it's quite common, and really deserves some serious thoughts. 

I understand that anger you speak of.  I had it with my first (towards DH) and then with my second (towards my entire birth team).  It was really confusing for me, and I didn't want to be angry, but I think the anger and the guilt that I talked about above to hannybanany really go hand in hand.  Both those emotions can really take over you and make you feel roten from the inside out.  It's worse when you ignore them and just think they will go away.  Nope, they didn't for me.  It took a lot of journalling (which for me really forced me face to face in quite with my thoughts and emotions) to really say how I felt and write down all the scary thoughts of anger and guilt that I felt and see them.  It started to look up after that.  It's like something clicked. 




I'm so glad this thread exists, and I think all this stuff is really important to talk about, especially online where others can gain support, and it kinda makes it easier to type instead of talk face to face with people.  BUT if any of you were local, we'd have set up a get together by now with coffee, tea, drinks, and tissues! 
 

[minkajane]

I haven't read through the thread yet, so please forgive me if this subject has been addressed, but I had to pop in because I am in misery. I am 7 days out from my second C-section and I've never been more constipated in my life! I did the standard stool-softener/suppository thing in the hospital and I've been taking stool softeners twice a day to no avail. Today I took some Ex-Lax but it hasn't really had time to kick in yet. I'm spending half an hour in the bathroom at a time and it hurts like you would not believe and I'm hardly accomplishing anything! I'm having involuntary pushes like when I was pushing in labor, that's how bad it is! And of course, crazy hemorrhoids to boot.

I'm about to go to the doctor, but I don't know that they'd do anything but recommend more stool softeners and laxatives. There's got to be something that will work and quick!

[hasya]

Ground flax, citrus fruits WITH the pulp. These have helped me at various times during/after pregnancy.

I hope it works for you. It sucks so much that you're suffering so.

Congratulations on your new baby!

[_ktg_]

I second the ground flax seed meal (just toss 2 tsp into juice and stir and slug it down) and take it frequently in between the stool softeners as I did that.  I took espom salt foot baths  to help relieve some of the constipation symptoms and resumed taking a probiotic or eating some yogurt (which is great to mush the flax seed meal into FYI).  Also I drank so much water it was unbelievable. 

As for the crazy hemorrhoids (oh god I remember those OUCH!!) - if you got a peri bottle from the hosptial, you could try this.  I filled that with witch hazel and water (1:3 ratio) and keep it in the fridge to cool.  Grabbed on way to the loo and squirt generous on those tender regions. The cool will be shocking - but will feel good and the witch hazel will help reduce the inflamation.  I almost tried frozen maxi pads filled with witch hazel on my bum when it got really bad, but finally the flax kicked in and got my insides moving again.

Are you taking anything with iron too?  I found that taking the iron supplement bound me up worse than anything else and had to stop taking it for a while to get my gut working again.

ETA:  And I totally forgot to type: Congratulations on your new babe!!!

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by minkajane 

I haven't read through the thread yet, so please forgive me if this subject has been addressed, but I had to pop in because I am in misery. I am 7 days out from my second C-section and I've never been more constipated in my life! I did the standard stool-softener/suppository thing in the hospital and I've been taking stool softeners twice a day to no avail. Today I took some Ex-Lax but it hasn't really had time to kick in yet. I'm spending half an hour in the bathroom at a time and it hurts like you would not believe and I'm hardly accomplishing anything! I'm having involuntary pushes like when I was pushing in labor, that's how bad it is! And of course, crazy hemorrhoids to boot.

I'm about to go to the doctor, but I don't know that they'd do anything but recommend more stool softeners and laxatives. There's got to be something that will work and quick!

I've had pretty good success with just eating a lot of fruit, as well as drinking lots of water. Other posters mentioned citrus, which is probably good, and I've also loaded up on plums and peaches (so juicy, and the liquid helps) -not sure how available they'd be right now, though. Maybe pineapple?

Good luck with this. Constipation is nasty, anyway, and I find it just nightmarish to deal with post-op!

[minkajane]

I feel so. much. BETTER! Two doses of Ex-lax, two saline enemas, countless doses of stool softeners, and a half hour of OWWWWWWIIIEEE but I'm pretty sure everything's all cleaned out now. Thanks everybody for the suggestions!

Other than that, I'm recovering fairly well. Not as quickly as when I had DS (I'm not 21 anymore!) but still pretty well. Incision looks great, barely any lochia, just a bit more tired and achey than usual. I'm down to just ibuprofen now. I don't need the Percocet, which is nice because it makes me wonky. We took our first trip to the grocery store yesterday and I quite enjoyed all of the "Awww, look at the teeny little baby!"

[McGucks]

I am 13 months PP.  This may sound really superficial, but I am so uncomfortable with how my body still looks:  I am also realizing that, regardless of how many walks I take (toting my 30 pound son along) or how much I watch what I eat, I am always going to have a gut.  I guess this is from the c/s?  My older son (a teen) suggested I get an "Ab Lounger" (he watches a lot of t.v. at my ex's).  I am an older mom, too, so I expect that has something to do with it.  My abdomen still hurts sometimes, especially when the baby steps on it or bounces on me.  The right side of the scar pulls sometimes and is uncomfortable.

I had an emergency C because the baby's heart rate kept wiping out (his cord was wrapped around his neck).  I am not disappointed in myself or my body for getting a c/s.  I was and am relieved to have given birth (through a c/s) to a healthy baby.  I did experience substantial PPD, but I don't really think it was directly related to the c/s.  Yes, it was major surgery!  My OB told DH that cutting through 6 layers of muscle/tissue/etc. was a whole lot to recover from.  Those are my thoughts.  Thanks for starting this thread.

p.s.:  Like a PP, I had horrible constipation (I took stool softeners, drank lots--tons--of water, but an enema finally did the trick).  Ah, the indignities of recovery.

Edited by McGucks - 4/29/11 at 2:09pm

[CI Mama]

Originally Posted by caedenmomma 

I am 13 months PP.  This may sound really superficial, but I am so uncomfortable with how my body still looks:  I am also realizing that, regardless of how many walks I take (toting my 30 pound son along) or how much I watch what I eat, I am always going to have a gut.  I guess this is from the c/s?  My older son (a teen) suggested I get an "Ab Lounger" (he watches a lot of t.v. at my ex's).  I am an older mom, too, so I expect that has something to do with it.  My abdomen still hurts sometimes, especially when the baby steps on it or bounces on me.  The right side of the scar pulls sometimes and is uncomfortable.

I am an older mom, too, and my gut is still hanging around in all its stretch-marked glory (DD is now 31 months, so yeah, it's been awhile). But I have also noticed that slowly (very slowly!) my body is changing (in a good way) as I improve my diet and get lots of exercise, so maybe it's just that we older moms take longer to recover. At 13 months PP I barely looked different than I did at 6 weeks PP! I think that the crazy sleep deprivation during the first year made it very, very hard for me to recover & lose weight. I don't know if you're in the same boat in that department, but I just want to offer encouragement that getting back in shape may take a long time for us "old" moms, but that doesn't mean it can't happen!

It took a crazy long time for my scar to be comfortable most of the time. It still pulls a little, but for the most part I can exercise the way I want to now and it feels fine.
 

Next project: weaning DD and hoping that my boobs shrink back to their normal size!!!

[minkajane]

Question for you ladies. I am 9 days post-C/S and pushed things a bit too hard today. We went to the mall for a few hours and I wore DD in the sling for most of it. As we were getting ready to leave, I started feeling uncomfortable twinges on the left side of my incision. Now I have this hard nodule about an inch long on that side of my incision. It doesn't hurt any more than the rest of the incision and the twinges have stopped. Could that be the incision bleeding on the inside or does it just sound like a bit of swelling? I definitely plan on doing nothing but laying around for the next several days!

One good thing happened today. I took my steri strips off. Whoever suggested taking them off in the shower, THANK YOU. I feel much better, those things were itchy. I'm having a tough evening emotionally, though. I'm having dinner with my brother, SIL, and parents next week. My SIL is an RN and she and my mom are going to go on and on about how glad they are that I ended up in the hospital. DD was a footling breech and I had an emergency C/S under general and you're GLAD?? You're HAPPY that everything got screwed up so badly that I not only had to go to the last place I wanted to be, but be put under general anesthesia and have my baby in the special care nursery for two days? Gee, thanks. I am so dreading this dinner.

Edited by minkajane - 5/1/11 at 10:59am

[alittlesandy]

I had a c-section two years ago, and boy does this thread bring back memories. I had horrible constipation, and when things finally "resolved" I joked with my husband that I got my natural child birth after all. Lol! Seriously, I spent hours on the toilet moaning and breathing and pushing.

I just want to say that it took 6 months for me to feel completely normal again, and even now my scar pulls and burns and itches sometimes. I'm not saying this to be a downer, but only because so few people talk about it or warn you about it.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by minkajane 

Question for you ladies. I am 9 days post-C/S and pushed things a bit too hard today. We went to the mall for a few hours and I wore DD in the sling for most of it. As we were getting ready to leave, I started feeling uncomfortable twinges on the left side of my incision. Now I have this hard nodule about an inch long on that side of my incision. It doesn't hurt any more than the rest of the incision and the twinges have stopped. Could that be the incision bleeding on the inside or does it just sound like a bit of swelling? I definitely plan on doing nothing but laying around for the next several days!

I've had so many odd little nodules and such that I never identified - I have no idea what they were, so I can't help identify it. I'd just keep taking it easy for a few days, and monitor it, yk? Doesn't it suck to be so limited in the early stages? One of my biggest grips with recovery is that feeling of being constantly limited in what I can do, even if I feel as if I can do more. It's sooooo frustrating.

One good thing happened today. I took my steri strips off. Whoever suggested taking them off in the shower, THANK YOU. I feel much better, those things were itchy.

Yes - they are. They almost drive me crazy. The shower definitely helps.

I'm having a tough evening emotionally, though. I'm having dinner with my brother, SIL, and parents next week. My sister is an RN and she and my mom are going to go on and on about how glad they are that I ended up in the hospital. DD was a footling breech and I had an emergency C/S under general and you're GLAD?? You're HAPPY that everything got screwed up so badly that I not only had to go to the last place I wanted to be, but be put under general anesthesia and have my baby in the special care nursery for two days? Gee, thanks. I am so dreading this dinner.

I wish I had some kind of advice or even real support, but I don't. I'd probably have trouble keeping myself from lashing out in a big way. It's so hard when people are so pleased by something that's so horrible to deal with. I hope they keep their opinions to themselves. If I think of anything non-psycho to say in response, I'll come back to you, but I'm not coming up with anything yet.

[mi_amor]

Thank you for having this thread. I was planning on a home birth, and a fairly straight forward labour with my second baby, but he is a footling breech which no one will deliver. I tried EVERYTHING I possibly could to flip this little guy, but I know in my heart that he seems really stuck. We even tried an ECV to hope he'd turn, but he just sprung right back into breech. So I will possibly be having my c/s on Monday if the OBGYN can backdoor me in. I have a very active toddler, and am worried about getting well fast so I can keep up with him. I enjoyed reading everyone's tips, and think all of you are very brave women.

[AustinMom]

Originally Posted by minkajane 

One good thing happened today. I took my steri strips off. Whoever suggested taking them off in the shower, THANK YOU. I feel much better, those things were itchy. I'm having a tough evening emotionally, though. I'm having dinner with my brother, SIL, and parents next week. My SIL is an RN and she and my mom are going to go on and on about how glad they are that I ended up in the hospital. DD was a footling breech and I had an emergency C/S under general and you're GLAD?? You're HAPPY that everything got screwed up so badly that I not only had to go to the last place I wanted to be, but be put under general anesthesia and have my baby in the special care nursery for two days? Gee, thanks. I am so dreading this dinner.

Bolding mine of course.  What would be wrong with just saying this?  I've had a lot of people tell me after feeling the majority of my 2CS (parts I wasn't supposed to), screaming on the table, having DD taken to NICU for a week, etc. tell me 'Well, all that matters is she is here and healthy', and I've said, 'Well, no, that's not all that mattered to me, and it was really hard, and I really wish it would have been different in a variety of ways.'  I can't express the amount of empowerment I felt saying that.  I felt like I could speak up for myself and say how I felt and not feel like I had to go with the emotional pain those words caused me. 

Sure, let them be glad, but inside, you can still hurt, and I think that your family probably cares about you and if you are hurting, maybe they don't know what to say to make it better, and I feel, letting them know when they say stuff like this that it more hurtful, is a way of telling them, 'don't do that, it doesn't help.'

Just my thoughts :)

[minkajane]

Well, thankfully, my worst fears did not come true. SIL didn't come and my mom didn't say anything about the hospital. I am very relieved! As necessary as my second C/S was, it was still difficult and I'm still recovering physically and emotionally and that conversation was the last thing I needed.

[babygrey]

Hi mamas. This thread has been staring at me since I was pg and I didn't dare click it bc I didn't want to jinx myself or something LOL.

But. Here I am 6 weeks out from my first c-section. Is it okay if I just jump in?

Can I just say to mamas who understand: my c/s sucked. It was necessary, and my mw and I tried EVERYTHING, so at least I don't have the doubt... but... gah.. it sucked. and..IDK... I feel like I've been really ignoring it because it was 'necessary', so, ya know, thank the stars for the healthy baby and move on or something? Any thoughts on how to start gently processing? 

You know what is really bothering me, actually? I *can't stand* how my incision/scar and surrounding tissue has no feeling. Like, it makes my skin crawl to touch it and I can't stand to have clothing hit the area, bc then it is obvious that is is numb. I'm totally put off by it. I couldn't even manage to work up the nerve to pull my steri strips off until almost 4 weeks out bc I couldn't stand that I couldn't feel the skin they were pulling against. Heaven help me if someone else ever needs/wants to touch that area I guess I never realized or thought about the fact that the nerves would be cut? Just... ew... can anyone relate? I have no idea why this is such a big deal to me, TBH. I feel kind of silly, but it is a HUGE deal.  

For those longer out from their births- really, how long did the feeling take to come back? Does it feel like your old body? 

ETA: you know what else really bothers me? The fact that, whenever how my babies were born comes up, I feel like I have to defend that I didn't *choose* the c/s. Part of this is the twin thing; everyone just assumes you will deliver by c/s and, of course, I was going to be the one who didn't. But, bc o that, I feel like I have to tell everyone about how it is still possible to have twins vaginally, even tho I'm now an example of when you can't and I find myself adding on to the birth discussion with "no! not elective! I even had an OB who would have done baby A breech and I fought the hospital to let me have my vaginal birth outside of the OR and I even wasn't going to get the epidural for my potential breech extraction...and.. and..!" aaanyway.... ugh.

[alittlesandy]

Originally Posted by babygrey 

You know what is really bothering me, actually? I *can't stand* how my incision/scar and surrounding tissue has no feeling. Like, it makes my skin crawl to touch it and I can't stand to have clothing hit the area, bc then it is obvious that is is numb. I'm totally put off by it. I couldn't even manage to work up the nerve to pull my steri strips off until almost 4 weeks out bc I couldn't stand that I couldn't feel the skin they were pulling against. Heaven help me if someone else ever needs/wants to touch that area I guess I never realized or thought about the fact that the nerves would be cut? Just... ew... can anyone relate? I have no idea why this is such a big deal to me, TBH. I feel kind of silly, but it is a HUGE deal.  

For those longer out from their births- really, how long did the feeling take to come back? Does it feel like your old body? 

I just want to say that I know exactly how you feel. I had to buy new underwear because I couldn't stand the way the waistband of my old underwear would touch the scar. I want to reassure you that while it took almost a year, I really feel normal again. I just reached down and touched my scar, and it's not nearly as numb or sensitive. I would say may body is probably 90% what it was. I felt MUCH better at six months out, and now, two years later, I rarely think about it. It does itch or burn sometimes, for a few seconds.

[lawmama1984]

Originally Posted by babygrey 

Hi mamas. This thread has been staring at me since I was pg and I didn't dare click it bc I didn't want to jinx myself or something LOL.

But. Here I am 6 weeks out from my first c-section. Is it okay if I just jump in?

Can I just say to mamas who understand: my c/s sucked. It was necessary, and my mw and I tried EVERYTHING, so at least I don't have the doubt... but... gah.. it sucked. and..IDK... I feel like I've been really ignoring it because it was 'necessary', so, ya know, thank the stars for the healthy baby and move on or something? Any thoughts on how to start gently processing? 

You know what is really bothering me, actually? I *can't stand* how my incision/scar and surrounding tissue has no feeling. Like, it makes my skin crawl to touch it and I can't stand to have clothing hit the area, bc then it is obvious that is is numb. I'm totally put off by it. I couldn't even manage to work up the nerve to pull my steri strips off until almost 4 weeks out bc I couldn't stand that I couldn't feel the skin they were pulling against. Heaven help me if someone else ever needs/wants to touch that area I guess I never realized or thought about the fact that the nerves would be cut? Just... ew... can anyone relate? I have no idea why this is such a big deal to me, TBH. I feel kind of silly, but it is a HUGE deal.  

For those longer out from their births- really, how long did the feeling take to come back? Does it feel like your old body? 

ETA: you know what else really bothers me? The fact that, whenever how my babies were born comes up, I feel like I have to defend that I didn't *choose* the c/s. Part of this is the twin thing; everyone just assumes you will deliver by c/s and, of course, I was going to be the one who didn't. But, bc o that, I feel like I have to tell everyone about how it is still possible to have twins vaginally, even tho I'm now an example of when you can't and I find myself adding on to the birth discussion with "no! not elective! I even had an OB who would have done baby A breech and I fought the hospital to let me have my vaginal birth outside of the OR and I even wasn't going to get the epidural for my potential breech extraction...and.. and..!" aaanyway.... ugh.

I have that numbness around the incision area and I HATE it with a passion! I don't even like wearing my maternity undies (which I used to really like) because they rub right along there and it makes me batty. I have started Mayan abdominal massage in preparation for our next pregnancy because I experienced some adhesions during my HBAC attempt which led to me freaking out thinking I was rupturing.  Anyway, the MT said that a lot of times, the massage can help return feeling to the area.

As for your "ETA" :), I know exactly what you mean.  My first c/s babe was 9.2# just shy of 39 weeks.  My HBAC attempt babe was 10.8# at over 41.  As soon as people hear his weight, they say "OMG he was a c/s, right?" or something along those lines.  I really, really hate that and I always want to follow up with the story of the 4'11" woman my MWs delivered who had a 10# HBAC.  Or my friend from my DDC here on Mothering who had a 10.2# HBAC.  I just hate the assumption that because a baby is big, they were automatically a cesarean, even though both mine were.  So I can definitely understand where you are coming from with the twin thing.  One piece of advice that I thought was really great (and I got from the 10.2# HBAC mom) was, when people ask that question, to just tell them the whole story. What they are trying to do is boil down your birth experience to that one moment when the baby emerges and basically make the birth all about that.  But, no, that's not the whole story.  So, if they want to ask, go ahead and give them the whole thing.  Now, I start out with how he was a planned home birth, my waters ruptured, labor didn't start immediately after, we were home for about 36 hours inducing cx with pumping and castor oil, on and on and on.  I think it makes a lot of people sorry they asked, but you know what? Better they are uncomfortable than me--just saying "yes, he was a c/s" really bothered me because I felt that it took away from all the hard work we did and also might contribute to the idea that all big babies have to be cesareans.  So, anyway, that's just what I have started doing....you might give it a try :) And I think there is a way to do it so that you don't feel like you are having to "justify" your birth, but rather to share information and make sure you aren't leaving people with the impression that all twins/big babies/whatever do have to be born by cesarean, know what I mean?

As for the "choice" thing, I think a lot of people misunderstand the difference between consenting to a cesarean and choosing one.  For me, I am really offended when people say I "chose" a cesarean.  I chose an HBAC but consented to a cesarean when there was evidence that it might be in the best interest of myself and my baby.

Edited by lawmama1984 - 5/7/11 at 1:14pm

[hasya]

I had reasonable energy levels by 3 months, decent by 6 months. 1 year out and my scar still is tender if touched. Feeling came back bit by bit. I didn't notice the numbness so much after a while. Good luck! Hugs!

Originally Posted by babygrey 

Hi mamas. This thread has been staring at me since I was pg and I didn't dare click it bc I didn't want to jinx myself or something LOL.

But. Here I am 6 weeks out from my first c-section. Is it okay if I just jump in?

Can I just say to mamas who understand: my c/s sucked. It was necessary, and my mw and I tried EVERYTHING, so at least I don't have the doubt... but... gah.. it sucked. and..IDK... I feel like I've been really ignoring it because it was 'necessary', so, ya know, thank the stars for the healthy baby and move on or something? Any thoughts on how to start gently processing? 

You know what is really bothering me, actually? I *can't stand* how my incision/scar and surrounding tissue has no feeling. Like, it makes my skin crawl to touch it and I can't stand to have clothing hit the area, bc then it is obvious that is is numb. I'm totally put off by it. I couldn't even manage to work up the nerve to pull my steri strips off until almost 4 weeks out bc I couldn't stand that I couldn't feel the skin they were pulling against. Heaven help me if someone else ever needs/wants to touch that area I guess I never realized or thought about the fact that the nerves would be cut? Just... ew... can anyone relate? I have no idea why this is such a big deal to me, TBH. I feel kind of silly, but it is a HUGE deal.  

For those longer out from their births- really, how long did the feeling take to come back? Does it feel like your old body? 

ETA: you know what else really bothers me? The fact that, whenever how my babies were born comes up, I feel like I have to defend that I didn't *choose* the c/s. Part of this is the twin thing; everyone just assumes you will deliver by c/s and, of course, I was going to be the one who didn't. But, bc o that, I feel like I have to tell everyone about how it is still possible to have twins vaginally, even tho I'm now an example of when you can't and I find myself adding on to the birth discussion with "no! not elective! I even had an OB who would have done baby A breech and I fought the hospital to let me have my vaginal birth outside of the OR and I even wasn't going to get the epidural for my potential breech extraction...and.. and..!" aaanyway.... ugh.

[hannybanany]

Originally Posted by minkajane 

Well, thankfully, my worst fears did not come true. SIL didn't come and my mom didn't say anything about the hospital. I am very relieved! As necessary as my second C/S was, it was still difficult and I'm still recovering physically and emotionally and that conversation was the last thing I needed.

So glad it went better than you expected.

Originally Posted by babygrey 

.  

For those longer out from their births- really, how long did the feeling take to come back? Does it feel like your old body? 

ETA: you know what else really bothers me? The fact that, whenever how my babies were born comes up, I feel like I have to defend that I didn't *choose* the c/s. Part of this is the twin thing; everyone just assumes you will deliver by c/s and, of course, I was going to be the one who didn't. But, bc o that, I feel like I have to tell everyone about how it is still possible to have twins vaginally, even tho I'm now an example of when you can't and I find myself adding on to the birth discussion with "no! not elective! I even had an OB who would have done baby A breech and I fought the hospital to let me have my vaginal birth outside of the OR and I even wasn't going to get the epidural for my potential breech extraction...and.. and..!" aaanyway.... ugh.

Honestly, it took a couple of years for me to regain feeling around my incision, and even 5.5 years after my first cs it still hadn't completely returned.

Originally Posted by lawmama1984 

As for your "ETA" :), I know exactly what you mean.  My first c/s babe was 9.2# just shy of 39 weeks.  My HBAC attempt babe was 10.8# at over 41.  As soon as people hear his weight, they say "OMG he was a c/s, right?" or something along those lines.  I really, really hate that and I always want to follow up with the story of the 4'11" woman my MWs delivered who had a 10# HBAC.  Or my friend from my DDC here on Mothering who had a 10.2# HBAC.  I just hate the assumption that because a baby is big, they were automatically a cesarean, even though both mine were.  So I can definitely understand where you are coming from with the twin thing.  One piece of advice that I thought was really great (and I got from the 10.2# HBAC mom) was, when people ask that question, to just tell them the whole story. What they are trying to do is boil down your birth experience to that one moment when the baby emerges and basically make the birth all about that.  But, no, that's not the whole story.  So, if they want to ask, go ahead and give them the whole thing.  Now, I start out with how he was a planned home birth, my waters ruptured, labor didn't start immediately after, we were home for about 36 hours inducing cx with pumping and castor oil, on and on and on.  I think it makes a lot of people sorry they asked, but you know what? Better they are uncomfortable than me--just saying "yes, he was a c/s" really bothered me because I felt that it took away from all the hard work we did and also might contribute to the idea that all big babies have to be cesareans.  So, anyway, that's just what I have started doing....you might give it a try :) And I think there is a way to do it so that you don't feel like you are having to "justify" your birth, but rather to share information and make sure you aren't leaving people with the impression that all twins/big babies/whatever do have to be born by cesarean, know what I mean?

Ah yes. People hear how big DS was and that I had a c section and assume that it was because of his size. Then I feel the need to explain that no, we were planning a natural birth but after PROM, fever, baby trying to emerge forehead first and 3 hours of pushing a csec was necessary. His size (9 12, so not that big) had absolutely nothing to do with how he was born.

As for me, I have decided that I can't keep labeling DS's birth as a "failed VBAC". What is it that people say - CBAC?

I can't touch my scar yet, I can wash it with a washcloth, dry it, etc, but I can't touch it with my bare hand. It doesn't hurt at all and I can touch around it... so it's not physical. I don't know. Some kind of weird emotional/mental block deal I guess.

Happy Mother's Day!

[lawmama1984]

Originally Posted by hannybanany 

As for me, I have decided that I can't keep labeling DS's birth as a "failed VBAC". What is it that people say - CBAC?

Oh, yeah, I don't refer to DS2's birth as a failed anything--I call it a CBAC or HBAC attempt as well. I had a great birth and was treated really respectfully during my transfer and at the follow ups at the delivering OB's office. The one complaint I had was at my first PP visit, his nurse opened my chart, scanned it and said "Oh, that's right, you were the failed VBAC." I know it's really common to refer to it like this for CPs, but it really rubs me the wrong way. Like, do you say to a primapara (or a multipara with no previous c/s) who winds up with a c/s, "Oh, you were the failed vaginal birth?" Of course not! And it seems to me, attaching words like "fail" WRT birthing (including the FTP dx) can leave a woman feeling like somehow she wasn't good enough, or didn't trust her body enough, or whatever....like she did something wrong, know what I mean? So, all that to say, I have never referred to it as a failed VBAC--only a CBAC or an attempted HBAC.