How can I stop a Grandma from doing Parenting Actions to my son ?

[MommytoB]

My boy knows how to clip his nails and does but if his grandma sees that his nails seem too long to her she will take it upon herself to clip his nails.

He tells her no do not do that I can do that and he gets yelled at by her .

I talk to her and she completely ignores me and does whatever she feels that she Needs to do .

I tell her if she has such fascination of cutting nails that are so long she should work on hers because her Nails are Long way long so why is she being so OCD on othe nails ?

She responds with this is How I want my nails to be!

[Irishmommy]

Don't leave her alone with your son.

[ChetMC]

???

Does this bother your son or just you? Is this a whole pattern of behaviour, or is it just about nails? Do your DS's nails actually need clipping when she does it?

If it's only about fingernails, and the nails do legitimately need clipping, I'd just point out to your DS before you leave for her house that he might want to clip his nails before he goes so grandma leaves them alone. With my grandma it was hair in your face. If you didn't want grandma at you about hair in your face you put on a headband before you went to hair house... otherwise, you sucked it up. Lots of grandma's have a thing about kids with unkempt nails, baggy clothes, shaggy hair, dirty faces, whatever. How many grandma's on this planet bring out food when you say your aren't hungry?

However, if this is just one example of how grandma constantly makes your son unhappy by not respecting his personal space and physical self, you probably need to monitor their time together very closely.

[Smithie]

I allow my parents and in-laws to groom my children - haircuts, nail trimming (and painting), etc. I don't think that grooming is something only a parent should do. They also have discretion to pick out any clothes and toys they want to spend their money on (as long as they are not sexxxeee or grossly inappropriate, and that has never emerged as a problem yet!). If they got all up in my grill about homeschooling or vaxing, I'd be very offended. Nail trimming? A furry leopard vest that DD loves? A drum set that stays at their house? Fine.

But as a previous poster said, if this is a pattern-of-behavior issue and your mother is doing things with your son that are less trivial than nail trimming and you don't like it, then THAT'S a problem and you have my sympathy. I've got no solution, though - you have to weigh the pros and cons of unsupervised contact. If your mom is providing childcare that you need, you are pretty well stuck unless you can change your schedule or find another source of free care.

[PikkuMyy]

Originally Posted by Irishmommy

Don't leave her alone with your son.

To anyone else reading this who isn't familiar with the situation, the grandmother in question here is a really controlling, cruel, person.

[MommytoB]

Originally Posted by PikkuMyy

To anyone else reading this who isn't familiar with the situation, the grandmother in question here is a really controlling, cruel, person.

Totally true because very rarely I ever get a nice comment at her own comments if I recieve a nice comment from her it's after I done something for her.

Now she's trying to pull guilt trips on my son .

There isn't a way we can keep from her due to visiting with other family members .

I have tried but would end up running into her somewhere else.

[phathui5]

If you can't avoid her, then it sounds like it's up to you to 1) not let her alone with him and 2) stand up for your son. You may have to be very firm with her about the fact that she is not allowed to do anything to him that he does not want her to do. Period.

[green betty]

It sounds like you've tried it the nice way, now it's time for Mama Bear. Personally, I would snatch the clippers right out of her hands, throw them as far away as I could, and get up in her face and loudly say, "I. SAID. NO", then take your son and go home. Let her throw a temper tantrum. That's not your problem. Your son's well-being is your problem, and if she's violating his body (which she is) you need to get in there and protect him. Period.

Bullies choose victims who let them get away with bullying. Refuse to be her victim or allow your son to be. Pehaps you can't avoid all contact, but don't go to her house or let her into yours, and never leave your son alone with her. Be mentally prepared to leave other people's houses on a moment's notice if she shows up. Your child needs you to stick up for him.

[MommytoB]

Standing up for my son she just ignore my wishes and she's fast to do things over my head without me knowing until my boy tells me.

Which is how she is disrespectful and I could be a growling Mama Bear to her but it don't bug her all she goes Oh she's going through Her Moods again .

[eclipse]

You aren't powerless here. You really DON'T have to go visit her, even if you want to visit other family members. Tell them they can come to your home or meet you someplace where she isn't.

[phathui5]

If standing up for him doesn't work, then why aren't you keeping her away from him?

[kblackstone444]

"I'm sorrry, Gramma, but Johnny is MY son, and if you do not let me parent him the way I see fit, then I will not bring him around to see you anymore."

I of all people know how hard it is to get out from under a controlling person's thumb, but sometimes, you just really have to take a stand for your child, no matter how uncomfortable it is for you.

[cycle]

Its very simple. Don't see her, don't leave him alone with her. I can't comprehend how you would allow Grandma to continue doing something you asked her not to do in regards to your child. As another poster said, you are not powerless, if you don't want it to go on you have many options to correct the situation.